20-08-2012 03:41 PM
I was hoping you could give me some suggestions on how I can feel a bit more at ease with things in my life at the moment.
My life is currently going through a lot of changes (I finished my uni degree, am searching for a job etc etc) and I am finding it very anxiety provoking. My life is just one big ball of anxiety at the moment and am consequently not sleeping, not eating well and feeling physically tense a lot of the time.
I keep pushing myself to do things that I feel as though I need to do - for example going to work, applying for jobs, going for walks and socializing. Whereas really I'd rather just curl up into a ball and not leave the house. As a result of this constant "pushing", I am feeling extremely drained and scared that I am going to "lose it" if I keep going this way. I am already very agitated and am snapping at everyone.
How can I stop feeling so drained all the time? Any suggestions would be great!
20-08-2012 07:33 PM
I went through the same thing when I finished a degree a few years ago. You spend all your time either trying to find work, or looking for work... and it gets really exhausting.
I have since done a lot of contract work so have had periods where I have been looking for work, and what I have learned is that you need to get the balance right when you are not working. On one hand you need to be proactive, out there looking for work (which you are clearly doing), but you also need to set aside time for relaxation and hanging out while you have the time. When i suddenly find myself working crazy hours I usually look back at when I was 'between jobs' and think, why didn't I just relax a bit more and enjoy the sunshine.
So my advice would be to plan your week so that you have time allotted when you are looking for work, and time allotted when you are chillin' out, going for walks, going to the movies or just curling up and not leaving the house and watching DVDs. Curling up and not leaving the house is allowed (it is one of the great pleasures of life!), but you just don't want to get into the habit of doing it too much.
It sounds like you are actually coping amazingly well, you are just being too hard on yourself.
Good luck with the job search. Let us know how you go... and if you want any job hunting tips. I suspect a few of us on here will have some ideas from past experience :-)
21-08-2012 09:09 AM
The paper often has a job vacencies section(although you've probably looked there already). Relaxing will help with sleep, appetite ect... Going to the hair dressers and having your hair washed and massaged is 1 of life's pleasures- Go on! It'll do you good! Working part time is OK as nothing says you have to work full time straight away. Talk to friends and see what they say too....
21-08-2012 06:06 PM
It is great that you are being proactive and pushing yourself but I think something that will really help you and really has helped me is figuring out why you want a certain job or why you do the things you do. By defining and understanding these reasons and motivations behind your actions it will give you a greater sense of purpose rather than pushing yourself for the sake of just some job.
Good Luck in the job hunt!
21-08-2012 08:21 PM
I gotta agree with Benny here. What people don't normally tell you is that doing anything requires a balanced mix. No human being is capable of doing or focusing on the one thing over and over for long periods of time — it's just not possible.
For example, Albert Einstein is considered one of the greatest thinkers of our time. His work is prolific and he achieved so much for just one person, however, even Einstein had hobbies. He played the violin throughout his life and even sailed his boat as often as he could. He once said his most famous work (E = mc2) came about thanks to his apprecation of music.
My point here is that your brain needs different things to work on; not just the same thing over and over. Not just because it's better for you, but because sometimes your brain needs to do some things differently before it can find the answer you need.
So, as Benny says, schedule in time for watching movies, unwinding with friends, and doing something creative. That last part can't be important enough. A friend of mine sketches to take her mind off more serious worries. I bought a ukulele last week (they're only $50!) and I wonder now why I didn't get one earlier – I don't know how to play, but I noodle about, occasionally watch lessons on YouTube, and just have fun.
And if you do these things but your brain says "No! You don't have a job yet!" just remind it that, by giving it a diverse range of things to do, it will be better prepared for those times you have scheduled in for serious job hunting!
21-08-2012 08:35 PM
I hear you. It's hard tough world out there. I was there not too long ago and I only decided to go back to uni in the last few years. Prior to that I pushed myself wayyy to hard and believed I had to do everything I said I would do!! My motto was 'be a do-er' and I think that's okay, but I think it also really brought me down.
Lex brings up some really good points. Albert Einstein was not just a genius he was also very, very spiritual and has a better understanding on the human condition then most people. I wish we not only learnt what he has to teach us about physics, but the greater metaphysical world as well.
I don't know if this will be helpful, but your thoughts are not you. They do not define who you are. It is your ego needing to identify with things that bring about your anxiety. Your mind/thoughts say:
I am anxious
I am not sleeping
I am not eating well
I am physically tense all the time
I am no longer a student
I am looking for a job
I am so drained
I am pushing myself
I am making myself socialise
I am making myself exercise
Do you see where I am going with this? You do not need these 'things' to define who you are. They are not helpful. Now I'm to tell you something and you may not understand it, but hopefully one day you will. My psychologist initially mentioned it to me and I didn't really understand what she was trying to say at first, but I worked it out on my own from a different source and the last thing she said to me was, 'I wish other students understood this the way you now do.'
You know when you have a thought...and then you realise you're having that thought and you get yourself back on track. That perception of realising you are having a thought, that is YOU! That is your consiousness and that is your identity. That is your state of simply being 'I AM'. When you can learn this, you might be able to not feel so overwhelmed at times. Not live in your past, not live in your future. But live in the now. I highly suggest you look into mindfulness. There's some good information on it on RO that you probably already know about. But you know, think about it.