Hey everyone I’m a young carer looking fo advice
Hey!
I’ve grown up a young carer and my brother has ADHD,ASD, DYSLEXIA, a learning disability, sensory disability and a speech disability.
we were quite close when we were younger, we have grown apart and i now dont know how to help him. He is experiencing teasing at school and I’m not sure how i cant reconnect with him.
if anyone has any suggestions on how to help me regain my relationship or at least care for him better please let me know
Comments
Hi @Goldenrod_Ferret , its great that your seeking advice to reconnect with your brother. I think you should find activities that he really likes and try and participate with him. I think this would be a really good way to get to know him better and do something he enjoys. When approaching this, have open communicaiton. Ask him how he is feeling, what his interests are, what he enjoys doing outside of school etc. Make sure ot listen actively to what he says so he knows you have a genuine interest in what he likes.
Sorry to hear about the teasing at school for your brother. Ways you can support him include listening to him talk about these experiences so he can know he has that support. Encourgae him to talk to teachers or the school well-being team so they can create a supportive and safe enviornment so he can enjoy school without fearing of being teased or bullied.
As you have mentioned earlier that he has ADHD, ASD and dyslexia, make sure you educate yourself so you can understand his conditions and find the best ways to respond to his needs.
Most importanlty, while you find ways to reconnect with your brother, don't hesitate to take care of yourself. At times it might get overwhelming, so ensure you take a break every now and then and reset.
Remeber, rebuilding a relaitonship takes time. So have patience and don't overwork. Your doing an amazing job already!
Hey! @Goldenrod_Ferret
This is a tough situation and like everyone is saying - your brother is very lucky to have you 🙂
I have a neurodivergent brother as well and have been in a very similar situation. Connecting with people can be tricky in general, particularly when they are very different from yourself. Being a young carer often can be a lot of responsibility and sometimes it can feel like you are the one who has to solely carry the relationship with your sibling.
I hope you know that just being a loving sibling is always enough! It can also be really helpful to talk to your parents/other siblings/people in your family about how you're feeling. You might find that they have similar challenges and might be able to give you some reassurance that you're doing a great job just by being there.
I also wanted to say - you sound like such an empathetic person - this is such a wonderful trait, but remember not to place too much responsibility on yourself. Your needs and concerns are really important too!! Its very wonderful that you are so keen to connect with him and I am sure that all of the little things you are doing will make a big impact - even if that impact is not visible right now.
Thank you for the suggestions, it definitely can be tricky!!!!!
I can see that you’re going through a challenging time at the moment and I’m sorry to hear that your brother is experiencing teasing at school. I think it’s really great that you’re reaching out for support and seeking new ways to connect with your brother. He is really lucky to have you!
As @Boxmore has mentioned, I think a great way to reconnect with your brother is to ask about his interests to get conversations flowing. Also finding a common interest or hobby you both share would be a great way to enjoy each other’s company. I find that being patient and direct in my wording while having conversations with neurodivergent people also really helps!
Caring for neurodivergent people can be stressful. It’s important to remember to look after your own wellbeing to ensure you’re not pouring from an empty cup! I find that practising self-care and leaning on my support system helps me to navigate challenging times. Is there anything you like to do to support yourself in these times?
Thank you! Yeah I like sewing and manual stuff , I tend to put my head phones in and ignored people to chill out
This is a great question that I think a lot of people in your shoes have. First of all, I am sorry to hear you have grown apart, and it also really hurts my heart to hear that he experiences teasing. Unfortunately, many young people are not welcoming of neurodivergent people, which makes it very difficult.
My experience and suggestions
I have worked with a few people with ASD in the past, tutoring them to be specific. But a lot of the time it wasn't even tutoring, I was more just having a conversation with them.
Activities
I find it easier to find what the neurodivergent person is interested in and go with that. What does your brother like doing? Are these activities that you can go along with or maybe have a conversation with? I used to talk to one student for hours about their Minecraft world, we really bonded over that.
Just being present
A lot of the time in ASD and ADHD populations, physical touch and activity are not something these people enjoy or partake in (as I am sure you know). I sometimes just sat next to one of my students with ASD/ID, kind of doing my thing but physically being there in the moment with them. This is dependent on your brother, but I think non-verbal support is valued and important. Just being with someone with ASD/ID I have found may even relax or prompt conversations of their interest. Might be a really good way to get the ball rolling.
Conversation Topic
While it is so disheartening to hear about your brother's teasing, he may not really want to talk about it. So definitely don't force it if he doesn't want to. Instead, I have found talking about topics of their interest (as mentioned above) is quite helpful in buffering the effects of bullying and teasing. Provide strong social support, and show him you care. Maybe as your relationship builds up again, you might find it suitable to directly ask about it.
In summary
1. Talk and if you can partake in his interests
2. See if you can start doing some of your work/activities around him, be present
3. Focus on supporting his life in other aspects - The trust will come
At the end of the day, you know your brother better than anyone on the internet. Do what you think is right :).
Best of luck
