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Re: Why do isolate myself ? ( feeling tense )

@Lan-RO I need some emotional support. Welcoming it.

Right now I'm seeing a therapist to get a boundary over my parents.

( They have ad hoc demands and I think they ought to learn to ask for my time and keep our conversation to a point and decide an outcome)

I carry a watch with me now and have learned to use empathy to make time for them later.

It feels up hill negotiating personal space. Right now my system is :

1. Talk bout my needs . ( Lack of time or commitments)

2. How can we get what we need from our conversation ( This is what takes a while) effective but compassionate manner.

3. Keep Track of time.

Re: Why do isolate myself ? ( feeling tense )

It sounds like you've taken some awesome steps there @BunnyWalks ! Well done!
Do you think your system is working for you?

 


THIS WEEK SLOW-MO Getting Real: Getting into the Christmas Spirit!
Don't forget to practice self-care regularly!

Re: Why do isolate myself ? ( feeling tense )

@Bee@@I don't think my time is respected by my parents and they don't seem to demonstrate emotional responsibility while I'm a way

Most of it is emotionally counselling them separately. I get exhausted doing this.

But if I'm dealing with these complicated task I need the space to complete them .

There awfully clingy and I don't think they have all the social answers with their life experiences.

Re: Why do isolate myself ? ( feeling tense )

Hi @BunnyWalks,

Sorry to hear you've been having these issues with your parents, readjustment to Malaysia and negative media messages. I don't know your whole situation, just what you've shared in the thread, but I'll do my best to say something helpful

As far as your isolation goes, I think it's good that you're considerate of making sure that you don't place too much of an emotional load onto others, but at the same time we can hurt ourselves by bottling up our emotions and isolating. It can be so good to just express our emotions, even if the person we're talking to can't offer us any advice. Even if you have trouble discussing your problems with individuals, I'm glad you can do it here. Is it possible that a forum like this helps because others can decide if they want to engage with what you've shared, so you don't have to worry about sharing more than someone is willing to take on?

And regarding your difficulty communicating with your parents, is there anything you think would help here? Have you told them about the concerns you have with them (lack of emotional responsibility, clinging, ?

As for the negative political messages in the media, you said that you've started trying to mentally block out the messages, has this been working? It does sound like a helpful behaviour change. And I like your attitude about focusing on improving your own life.

Hope we've been able to help, Bunny, best of luck

Re: Why do isolate myself ? ( feeling tense )

I keep putting it off and Asian parents don't like being told off ( ego thing ) . Going to uni on foot and being dependent on PT I hard enough.

My education has been directed with political ambition which I don't think is a good place to be mentally and professionally.

I know mine don't respond to cristism well.

Demonstrating why a behaviour is problematic rather than their personalities is a non aggressive way to speak to them.

I need some impartial communication strategies for them to consider their behaviour. @MittchellClifford it would help me heaps.

They have odd shedules and do everything they can to make sure we're not in sync and won't meet you with each other.

Bunnywalks.

Re: Why do isolate myself ? ( feeling tense )

Hi @BunnyWalks, have you been able to get some communication strategies from your therapist that you might want to give a go? Heart

Re: Why do isolate myself ? ( feeling tense )

@BunnyWalks that sounds really hard that your parents don't seem to respect your time. And that is understandable, counselling someone can be tiring and can wear you down. Do you practice self-care after counselling your parents?

I don't know alot about your culture, but I know my parents don't handle criticism well either, even when it is constructive and comes from a loving, caring place. It's a hard place to sit for sure.
I wonder when talking to your parents how you bring up things you're not happy with, people tend to respond better when they are guided or enlightened on what another person needs as opposed to being told what to do. So maybe using I statements expressing what you need from them might help?

 


THIS WEEK SLOW-MO Getting Real: Getting into the Christmas Spirit!
Don't forget to practice self-care regularly!

Re: Why do isolate myself ? ( feeling tense )

@mrmusic

We agreed that the behaviour is the problem and not the person.

I'll do my best to communicate that.

Re: Why do isolate myself ? ( feeling tense )

@Bee

 

I don't know how to recharge myself after feeling worn down.

What can I do after dealing with something emotionally intense ?

Right now my mum is talking to us so she doesn't have to deal with dad.

I'm upset that neither of them can find a compromise something in their relationship.

They both are professionals but Jesus they act like children when their issues pop up.

They have terrible phone manners.

Just so emotionally needy and don't feel appreciated when I do talk to them.

I reckon I'll keep the conversation at 10 minutes on a phone any longer it have to be an email.

Re: Why do isolate myself ? ( feeling tense )

@BunnyWalks putting a limit on the length of conversations sounds like a good strategy for setting boundaries Smiley Happy

In terms of recharging, I know in the past you've mentioned Spiderman and Mario Kart on here... do you think either of those would be helpful at the moment? Heart
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