ADHD and parents
So my parents think that I don’t need help at school because I’m always the A+ kid and that I don’t fidget. The other day the lady who writes the learning plans came to me and asked me some questions. I said I like having something to fidget with as I’m a very loud person and it just helps me. So, she put that on my learning plan. All was well until my parents were reading my learning plan and getting ready to sign it when…. “She doesn’t need it.” “She’s seeking attention” “She needs to learn her times tables, not have fidget toys.” It’s been like this for years now and I now don’t ask for things that help me in case my parents don’t like it.
Comments
Hey @Cowgirl_
It sounds highly frustrating to have your needs ignored. When parents respond like that, I think it can be helpful to frame it as a “it will help me perform even better” rather than a “I need this to function.” It can be hard for other people (especially parents) to believe you’re struggling when they can’t see the deficit in your performance. They sometimes can’t grasp the amount of effort it takes to function and be successful because it’s not blindingly obvious. I really hope they come around and allow you to access the support you need!
Hi @Cowgirl_
Welcome to the ReachOut Youth Community!
Thank you for your courage in sharing what has been going on for you. I'm sorry to hear that you have felt so dismissed by your parents after what you have described here and also your experiences in the past. I can see that you're very aware of what you need to support your learning and it's fantastic to see that you asked for these supports to be included in your learning plan, having the ability to understand your needs is a great skill and will be very useful throughout your life!
You've mentioned ADHD in the title of your post and I'm wondering if you've had a chance to talk to a professional at school or a mental health professional about how you're managing on a day-to-day basis? If your parents are not understanding about the way that fidget toys can help, it might help to talk to someone who can give you lots of strategies, or come up with ways of explaining your needs to your parents. We have some articles here on how to talk to your parents about wellbeing and tips for talking to your parents about mental health.
I understand that not having your learning needs met can be quite frustrating and make things more challenging. If you're looking for one-on-one support, Kids Helpline can provide free 24/7 counselling over the phone or over webchat. You may find them helpful too 🙂
How are you feeling after writing this?
Hello @Cowgirl_
Sounds like you are having a rough time at the moment. It seems that you feel rather restricted in the way you can choose your study plans in a way that would help you thrive.
Personally I had like a somewhat similar experience, being the career choices that I had a choice on. It was mainly restricted to either being an engineer or accountant at that time.
They did it under my best interest at the time and I ended up passively just going in it. It was not until when I wanted to do Psychology that I had to do a lot of convincing, It helped to just talk with them on the matter but what really helped for me was like my close relatives who worked in the hospital, who were really supportive and voiced for my ambitions which helped me to get to where I am now.
But the main take away from me, would be to really engage and sit down to have a chat with your parents, if you need any help on that, there is an article which you could refer to help them to really listen to you. if you have any close relatives outside, contacting them for help could be a good idea as well.
In any case, I hope this was of help and if you need any more assistance, reach out is always here for you ☺️.
