My parents think I'm confused
Hi I am a 14 year old trans boy I have had different gender identitys in the past like being non-binary and genderfluid and a demi boy but I came out to my parents as a demi boy and they found out when I was genderfluid and I recently came out as trans but every single time I have came out they said I was to young and I didn't know what I was on about and it's really hard because I am not allowed to cut my hair or do anything like that and feel so uncomfortable in this body😔😔
Comments
Hey I'm really sorry you're going through that. I go through phases where I want to be more androgynous. If I can give any advice to help you feel more comfortable I would recommend looking up videos that show you how to style your hair to make it look shorter (they recommend using a beanie). I really hope that overtime your parents will come around about your identity and in the meantime you're able to find a support system who can help you feel safer in your skin.
Hi Gray_Anteater,
I'm glad you reached out! I personally think discovering your own gender identity/sexual identity is a really interesting and reflective journey, and I just want to say I think it's quite normal and rewarding to redefine and rediscover yourself, especially as a teenager or young adult. Personally, my gender identity has altered as I grew up (currently 21 years old :D), especially when I learned of new terms and ways to define and perceive myself. Thus, I think what I'm trying to say here is a part of your parents' response might relate to their perception of your continual maturing journey. Perhaps they are reluctant to support you in more strongly displaying certain gender identities (cutting your hair), in your recent case as a trans boy, because they believe you are in the process of discovering yourself and so feel hesitant to support any drastic, irreversible actions. I think this might be true, especially because your parents' reasons for their preventive actions seem to be related to perceiving you as too young and uninformed/uncertain, as you have stated. By saying this, I am mainly trying to bring up another possible perspective to look at your situation. Do you know other reasons why your parents do not allow you to cut your hair or anything related?
With that being said, I still quite empathize with your struggles. I think not allowing you to cut your hair is definitely going too far, especially since my view is that you have the complete right to define your hairstyle. Also, like Portia_RO mentioned, your parents may also be unaware of gender as being on a spectrum and may just be generally not open to you exploring and displaying your gender identities.
I hope I've added a helpful perspective! It's great that you reached out. 🙂
Helloooo @Gray_Anteater and welcome!
First off, I want to say that I'm sorry that your parents think you're confused and think you're too young to know who you are and how you identify. It can be hard for some people to recognise that gender is a spectrum, and that our understanding of who we are can evolve over time as we learn more about ourselves. Even though you're young, that doesn't mean that you don't have a firm grasp of who you are and what it means to be you - after all, we expect straight and cisgender teens to know who they are and who they are into, don't we?
That must be incredibly difficult not being able to cut your hair or try out other things that might be helpful for affirming your gender identity and expressing who you really are. I can only imagine how it must feel to be in a body that doesn't reflect the person you are and want to be, but it sounds like a constant and exhausting struggle. What kind of things do you want to explore to make yourself feel more comfortable in your body?
We've got a bunch of fellow young people who are transitioning or exploring their gender identity, so feel free to check out our Gender space and have a chat with some of them! Above all else, I hope you know that you have a community of people here who understand you and accept you for exactly who you are. We're here to listen and support you, even when your parents can't or don't seem to understand 💛
