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Feeling lonely
Hi everyone, I’m not really sure what to do so this is my last resort. Lately I’ve been feeling rather lonely even though I have people and friends who care around me. I’m in my third year of uni and made a rather close group of friends in first year but I’ve always been the one making plans. Recently I’ve stopped doing that because it takes up too much of my energy and it feels like I’m giving more to the friendship than they are. They almost always bail on me and its starting to take a toll on me. Because of all this and uni work we haven’t been meeting up in uni like we used to, and it makes me miss my close friends back in school (I moved overseas for uni). I just miss having someone who I can spontaneously make plans with (or who actually makes plans first), sees me as a priority and talk to casually without worrying they’ll bail on plans — I think I actually have trust issues from that lol. I have a fun group of friends from work but they love drinking and clubbing but I’m not into that 24/7. It really makes me miss my friends back home 😞 Not sure if all this makes sense but I’m happy to talk to people who feel the same !!
Comments
Hi @crice ,
First of all, what an amazing achievement moving overseas for uni, that shows real courage to be able to leave the familiarity of your home country and endeavour onto something new!
Navigating friendships, especially new ones in a brand-new environment can be really challenging! It sounds frustrating having people bail on plans, I can relate to this frustration however I found oftentimes that new friends may suffer from a degree of social anxiety or they were dealing with personal issues that they weren't comfortable sharing.
Whatever the reason, it is also important that you prioritise yourself and meet your own needs when you feel that people may not be contributing as wholeheartedly as you. Perhaps you could meet like-minded people on campus by joining groups or sporting teams - whatever you may be into! Sometimes it's hard to jell with people in uni classes because it's a more serious environment and often revolves around the topic of uni work and assignments.
I hope this helped in some way and I wish you the best of luck completing your third year of uni 🙂
Hey @crice , I moved away from home to attend uni too and that meant I knew nobody! I have done a few years at uni now and found that I don’t have many close friends as well. However, I think I have peace in knowing I am being my true self and I don’t mind that people are on their own adventures too.
I really like @dewgong 's idea of joining some uni social groups/clubs. I read that you joined a volunteer club and thats so exciting! I also volunteer at some local community organisations! I have found that the volunteering really helped with connecting and making friends with people with similar interests to me.
I am looking forward to hearing how it goes! 😃
Hi @crice
Thank you for sharing. Honestly, friendship while studying at uni is really difficult. You start to drift from your high-school friends and everyone is so busy doing their own thing. This is the most tumultuous times of our lives and things start to change where we get too busy to maintain friendships we once held dearly, or our priorities become different and we slowly drift apart. I admire your dedication in trying to hold your friendship together. But, I think if you feel that you're giving more energy to a friendship and not getting anything in return, I'm wondering if it might be time to move on. It sounds like perhaps you guys aren't on the same page anymore. I really do feel your frustration. I've had many friends who kept bailing on me or stopped answering my messages when all I wanted was someone I could talk to. It's really difficult when you're made to feel like you're not wanted or you're taken for granted. When thinking about those friendships, I make myself remember that we're just at different stages of life and they have different priorities at the moment and that's okay.
I'm in a similar situation to you where all the friends I feel who truly understand me are overseas and it's really hard to stay in touch. I found it helpful to join some clubs at uni because often people there are looking for friendships too. They've already dedicated time to being social by joining a club so chances are that they are looking for friends! I've made a few friends that way. I hope you're feeling okay and I'm here to chat more if you need ❤️
Hi @crice , sorry for my late response! At the moment I am in the student club for my degree (the psychology student club). Previously I also joined a club that organised events for incoming exchange students. It can be hard if none of the clubs interest you, but sometimes it can also pay off to give one of them a go. You might even find a new interest from one! Keep in mind that going to one of the club meetings or events doesn't mean that you have to commit to the club. Are there any student clubs for certain degrees at your uni eg. engineering club, science club? Often you don't even have to be doing that degree to be able to join, but joining will get you in touch with a bunch of other students who are looking to socialise. The engineering club is the biggest club at my university and many of the members are not doing engineering. Their events are also general social events like pub crawls, barbecues etc. and not necessarily anything to do with engineering. This may go for other clubs/societies at your university too.
Volunteering is a great idea and another way to meet new people! I hope the program goes well for you and you get to socialise with some like-minded people 🥰 If you feel comfortable, let us know how it goes!
Hello @crice , I hope you are well ❤️
Im sorry hear that you have have been feeling rather lonely and that you are missing your friends back home. It can definitely be hard having to adjust. It also sucks that you have put in more effort into people, and haven’t felt that you got the same back. Its not a nice feeling at all.
I've also found it very hard to maintain close friends in uni and I think its just everyone is so busy that plans don’t always follow through. But I understand that you are missing having that consistency in your friendships.
Are you still in touch with your friends from back home? Maybe you can talk to them and plan a movie night or play some online games or even just video chat?
I hope this helps and let us know how you are ❤️
Hey @crice ,
Thanks for posting and sharing what is happening for you. Friendships can be unpredictable sometimes. I hear how frustrating it must be to always be the one organising things, and then finally have people pull out.
Uni life can be hectic. At this stage in life, people start to find partners, have jobs, consider having a family.... there becomes a different shift in what friendships look like. I'm sure there are many who can relate to this. After a while, friends of our youth sometimes do not seem as important and some of the life goals people have set. Would you consider doing this Friendship Quiz to see how healthy your current group is?
Whatever the result, it is important you fid your tribe. Find those like-minded people who have values similar to yours or values that complement yours. Also, it is good to remember that it is okay that the values change. Life after school and into uni is a huge step for many and there are so many changes/transitions taking place.
Please know you are not alone.