I don't know what to do
To cut a long story short, I lost all my friends a few months back. I have one friend left who struggles to spend time with me, has a partner and lives a bit away from me. I have BPD and codependency issues. And I've been trying to work on all of these issues of mine since July but it's getting harder and harder to live with the loneliness. My city is really lonely and it's hard to meet new people here and I don't know what to do any more. I miss having friends who I could drop my guard around and who actually liked me and want to spend time with me
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Hi @Ravel 
I am so sorry you are feeling lonely right now. It is hard especially when you rely on others for social support to improve wellbeing. I too have previously gone through what you are experiencing when I left highschool and when to uni and had a big falling out with my closest friends.
It was horrible. I felt sad, and lonely and unloved and worried that I would not have friends as close as those again. I really do get how you feel and it causes a lot of anxiety. Thank you for reaching out and I hope maybe you can find some helpful guidance in this thread.
My main advice is to realise that friendships never start that deep. You built them up over time and experience. I really struggled with this and going into every new friendship or any new person I would meet and try to connect with I would feel disappointed at the fact we didn't instantly have this amazing connection. I really had to remind myself that building new friendships takes time and that instant gratfication of having a really close friend is only going to come with working on the friendship and growing it.
Are you currently in school or at uni or working? It is really hard to meet new people, but try and immerse yourself in a hobby whether it be a social sport team, online games, reading club etc. If you are at uni I know most unis have heaps of clubs people can join, and they really do help you make new friends or at least meet potential new friends.
It sucks but you will have to apply yourself and possibly push yourself out of your comfort zone. But I promise you will come out the other side stronger and more confident. My year without any close friends made me a lot more capable in social situations all round as I as forced to adapt.
You got this. There are so many people out there who would feel lucky to have you as your friend.
Hi Ravel,
Welcome to the Online Community and thank you for sharing what you’re going through at the moment. It shows a lot of strength and courage to reach out and the community is here to support you.
I’m sorry to hear that you have recently lost a few friendships and I can hear how overwhelming and lonely it has been since. It sounds like it has been a big adjustment which is completely understandable, and I can also hear how difficult it has been to build new friendships in a city that also feels lonely. Feeling isolated and alone, can be intense to experience and you’re not alone in what you’re going through.
From your post, I can really hear how much you’re working through this loneliness and your BPD, but I can imagine how exhausting it has been to try and cope with it all. Your willingness to look after yourself shows a lot of insight into your own mental health and your resilience.
When you do feel lonelier, or more down, are there things you enjoy doing that help alleviate some of these feelings?
I am also wondering if you have been able to talk to a family member or a mental health professional about what you’re experiencing lately?
You might also be interested in checking out these two resources from ReachOut. The first has a video where a therapist talks about loneliness and the second article provides tips on what to do when feeling lonely.
Please also keep an eye out for an email that we will be sending you 😊
Unfortunately I can't talk to my family about any of this, they're lousy at most things and can't understand any of this. And I have spoken to my phycologist about this but after so many months of not being hugged by a friend or asked to spend time with someone you begin to go mad. And my city is just so bad at meeting new people that it gets harder and harder and harder to live here
from a girl I love and a kiss. I’m finally starting to love myself though
so idk if that means I’m ready for a relationship because that has been the
main problem for me in my past ones.
