TW: How do I know when I’m ready for a relationship again?
I’ll give some context my ex was cheating on me while my poppa was dying in hospital and then she broke up with me and then a few weeks later my poppa then passed. I’m trying to work out when I should start dating again. I’m 16 and in grade 10 in school.
, basically I’m looking for advice as to wether or not I should start dating again when the next time I have a crush is, as I have bad experiences both times in high school with girls. And wether or not I wait to love myself while still staying healthy and active.
Comments
Thank you so much for your vulnerability and sharing what you're going through right now. First of all I am so sorry for your loss, I am wondering how this has affected your ability to manage the breakup between you and your ex? Secondly, you have been through a lot and it is important to understand that what your ex did during such a painful time in your life is a direct reflection of who she is, not you. You are so strong and self-aware.
In terms of dating, you have your whole beautiful life to find that special someone! Please don't allow the media (e.g., Tiktok, movies, TV shows etc.) to influence you in the sense that you feel as though you must be in a relationship, it is not a determinant of attractiveness or value 🤗 What I encourage you to do is prioritise your sense of self and self-love, focus this energy inward and be your authentic self, this is how you will attract the right partner. A way to think about this is to not chase the butterflies, but mend your garden and they will come to you!
Please make sure that whatever you choose to do moving forward should be to feel better within your own self. Do not settle for a relationship which makes you feel unworthy. Building your own confidence means that you will not settle for less than what you deserve. So that when you find the right person you can give them all your love!
Take it easy, keep moving forward and trust your intuition. The right person will make things feel so easy and natural 💜
How have you been doing recently, looking forward to hearing from you!!
Hi @Spring_Elephant
Thank you for sharing on here.
I am so sorry that your poppa has passed, and I hope you are and your family are doing well.
No one can tel you when you are ready to get back out there in the dating scene but yourself.
I definitely think having time to truly heal and feel whole is important and if you think you are not healed enough to be the person you want to be I would maybe recommend waiting.
Stay active, enjoy your friendships and maybe see where that takes you. Who knows maybe you might meet someone new by chance and hit it off. Sometimes it can be better to not make the active decision to 'start dating' but instead just be open to what might come around.
You are doing amazing!
Hey @Spring_Elephant ,
Thank you for sharing what you’re going through. I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your poppa. It would’ve been so tough to navigate your ex cheating on you and breaking up with you while grieving the loss of your poppa. How have you been managing since this all happened? Grief and loss is so unique and can take time. Just in case you’re interested, there is a topic on Grief and Loss that has a number of articles that explore managing and coping.
It sounds like you’re unsure about when to start dating again, which is completely understandable. Dating can be complex, so it’s good that you’re thinking about whether you’re ready or not to date, and are able to reflect on past experiences. I can see that you’re starting to love yourself but are conflicted about managing your weight. This would be really challenging to navigate through and you’re absolutely not alone! Have you been able to speak to someone like friends or family about this?
I’d like to share this topic on Body Image with you as it explores body image, coping, and body positivity that you might find helpful. There is also a topic on Romantic Relationships that you might find interesting as it explores coping after being cheated on, finding the right partner for you and navigating dating. Sometimes when you’re going through a tough time, it can have an impact on our wellbeing. I am wondering what you have been doing to take care of yourself during this time?
I look forward to hearing from you soon and hope this is helpful for you!
I am so very proud of you for opening up about what you are going through with us all here on Reach Out. I can see that @Green_Ghost has already given you such wonderful support, and hopefully, some more people will jump in here as well.
Having your ex actively cheat on you while your poppa was dying in hospital sounds so awful and even more awful to be broken up with and later have your poppa pass away.
I am so sorry about your poppa passing away. Losing a loved one is so hard; I lost my pop 4 years ago, and the grieving process has been long, with many bumps along the way. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, the grieving process is not linear, there will be some days that are harder than others. I highly suggest reaching out to family, friends or even a counsellor for support during this time; leaning on those supports will help 💚
Being cheated on is devastating. I can speak from experience as I was being cheated on for about 8 months by my ex-partner in my first-ever relationship. While we may not understand why they did it, I believe it is so important to focus and look after ourselves and seek further support to allow us to correctly heal from the pain caused by being cheated on.
From what you have written, it sounds like you want to know when to start dating again and whether you need to lose weight and be at the point where you love yourself entirely in order to start dating. This is definitely a sensitive topic for some, but would you say that you have struggled with body image? I also want to say that there isn't a specific timeframe for when you should or shouldn't be dating others after being broken up with; it's more so when you feel ready. Staying active and healthy is important, but you do not need to lose weight to find love! Have you talked about this stuff with a counsellor or even a GP? I know they would be able to give you valuable advice and support.
- Matcha_Toad 🐸🍵💚
I have struggled with body for as long as I can remember which ppl say a lot ik but like im talking since prep. Now 11 years later and im starting to genuinely love myself.
I think the most simple answer, and it might be one you've heard before, is to start dating again once you truly feel ready @Spring_Elephant .I think it can be difficult to date and fully commit to a relationship if you're still processing and dealing with strong emotions, particularly in relation to a previous breakup. I find, in my own personal experience, my body/mind will tell me if I'm ready to start dating again. It's like I get excited to date again and I want to share aspects of myself with another person in a romantic context. It's difficult to explain, it's just a feeling of readiness.
I can imagine the cheating, so close to your poppa's passing, was a lot to process all at once and cope with. I'm wondering how you're coping with it now?
It's also great that you're learning to love yourself! I think you can still love yourself and want to lose weight at the same time, in my personal experience. I think the two can co-exist peacefully, it's entirely up to what you wish for yourself. But it's excellent to hear that you're starting to love yourself! 💜
I'm coping a lot better now, I am going to school all the time getting better study habits and working on my fitness again after stress fractures in both shins which put me out for 4 weeks. So I'm doing better but I just rlly miss having a partner to be excited to message after school and before bed and hug and kiss. Ik it sounds cringy
It's great to hear you're doing a lot better! Keep on improving yourself and hitting those self care targets. It's definitely tough to have that empty void after school, when you're accustomed to messaging a partner. A great alternative to this could be messaging a friend or family member instead and de briefing about your day. Similar can be said for a hug. However kissing is a tough one, over time this void will slowly close as you become ready to date again. For now the best option is embracing these emotions, making sure you focus on school and other hobbies which you. Remeber no kiss is worth more then your well-being.
