I just can't let go of them
Hello everyone,
A few weeks ago I posted about how I felt like my friends are all distancing themselves away from me, and it still just feels like im doing something wrong, it just feels like im trying to surround myself with people who want nothing to do with me. It's gotten to a point where they have said that they needed to take a break from me and I get that I can be a lot sometimes to them but it just makes me feel even more guilty and lonelier than ever and I feel like im doing more harm than good and feeling like im not really connecting with anyone and it just makes me feel bad. I just don't know how to fix myself in this situation or how I can become better out of this
Comments
Hi @Vizion101
Thank you for opening up and reaching out on here. Im so sorry you are experiencing this turmoil in your friendships.
Has everything gone okay in the past with these friends? Is there any reasoning you can see for this change in attitude?
I have had year long periods of feeling quite alone and the same sort of sadness that I couldn't connect with anyone properly but now I have great friends. It took time and a lot of effort, putting myself out their and trying to talk to new people and partake in new activities so I could meet people.
If you really enjoy the connections you currently have with these friends I would suggest maybe asking why exactly they are wanting this time apart so you can understand their point of view. If they simply don't enjoy your company as much as you do theirs then that can open you up to fostering new connections.
There are genuinely so many people out their who would love to be your friend, immerse yourself in hobbies, join groups for things you like doing and you will find likeminded people.
Thank you for reaching out. You are not alone in what you are feeling. Enjoy time wit your family and yourself as well! Sometimes it just takes time to find the right people.
Hey @Catlover101
Everything was fine, but I was putting a lot of my mental health issues onto them and it got to the point where they had intervened and took me to the hospital (even though it was ultimately my decision). But ever since then, they've been avoiding me and saying they need a break. A bit of an update, but as I'm in this community theatre show, they are also involved in the lighting team and today was the first time seeing all of them in person since that day and I'm just really overwhelmed about it at the moment.
In terms of fostering new connections, it's easier and said than done since I have a lot of trouble making friends and being able to connect to people and they were kind of the only people I was able to connect with, especially considering I dont really have anyone at school, though I'm always hopeful that it's going to get better but I'm just a bit shaken up right now
Hi @Vizion101
Thank you for sharing more about what you’ve experienced with your friends and the hospitalisation for your mental health.
I can understand how seeing them all again in a shared space can bring up lots of complicated feelings all at the same time. I wondered if you were able to access additional support through the hospital, and if you were linked up with a community mental health team? I wanted to also share a guide that I hope would be helpful for a mental health plan from a GP
It’s always hard when people you feel connected with want some distance. I can see that you’re trying to build your connections and feeling a little shaken up from this is a very normal response. I remain hopeful for you as well that you can try again, and keep building on the supports you need, keep engaging with the community, and if you need any additional support, there is also Kids Helpline
Hey @Ripple_RO
In terms of additional support, they did refer me to Headspace, however my appointment isn't until a month from now. My parents suggested a life coach but I'm unsure how they will help me, even though I've already had one session with them. I tried talking to a peer worker here at reach out and that kind of helped but I'm still very shaken up at the moment
Hi @Vizion101
Thank you for your response and confirming that you have been referred to Headspace, along with the other supports you have been building including life coach and talking to a peer worker. We have just sent you an email as well so do keep an eye out for it!
Hi @Vizion101 🩵
I am sorry to hear that your friends feel like they need a break from you. It’s totally understandable that you would be feeling sad and lonely because of it. Although everyone has the right to admit when they need some distance, it’s pretty unfair of them to make you feel bad for being yourself. I want to assure you that you aren’t too much, nor do you need ‘fixing’.
I have been in similar situations where I have tried to change myself in order to keep friends. It often makes me feel worse in the long run since I am not being myself. Now out of school, I don’t have that many friends, but the ones I do have I can be 100% myself around, and they never make me feel like I’m being too loud, too emotional etc.
@Bailey_RO has provided some great resources, and I empathise with your situation right now as it may be a bit awkward to be around them as you mentioned. But I just wanted to reply to give you a bit of hope that you will eventually find your people, and that you are genuinely amazing just the way you are ❤️
sending love, and hope to speak soon 😇
Hey @Vizion101 😊
I am really glad that you have reached out for some more support. I am sorry to hear that things haven’t improved with your friends and that you are feeling guiltier and lonelier since you last posted. It must be really difficult to be feeling that way and feeling unsure about what to do.
It is really good to hear that you are wanting to improve and become better out of this.
I was wondering if you had a chance to look through any of the resources/articles shared with you on your last post? And if so, did you find any of these helpful?
I was also wondering if you tried to talk to your friends about this to try and understand how they are feeling, while also explaining how this has been making you feel?
I am really glad that you have been able to talk about this on the community. Have you spoken to anyone else about this and how you have been feeling? Whether it be a friend, family member, GP or mental health professional?
I know that you mentioned that you have been feeling lonelier and I am sorry to hear this. Feelings of loneliness is something that a lot of people experience and it can be really tough. I wanted to share this resource we have here on loneliness which I thought you may find helpful.
I was also wondering if there was anything that you have been doing to take care of yourself during this time and if you have any positive distractions or things you do for self-care?
Remember that you aren't alone and that we are all here for you 💜
I didn't have a chance to look at the resources but i will definitely look at this one.
I had a chance to talk to them about how they were feeling and making sure everything was okay and they mentioned how they needed a break bc i had put them in a bad mental position, but i didnt mention how that made me feel. It sucks because there is a chance they are involved in this community theatre show that i'm in and i dont want to make anything awkward or pushy. I did talk to my dad about this and said there's nothing i can really do but respect the boundary. But my parents think the solution is to get me to see a life coach but i'm not too sure how that'll help me. i did have a bit of a temporary distraction by volunteering to paint the set of the community theatre show i'm in but other than that not really.
Hey @Vizion101
First of all, sorry to hear that you are feeling much guiltier and lonelier than before about your relationships with your friends.
It's however good to hear that you have had a conversation with how they are feeling about this and sorta gauge how they are going about the whole thing. If you are comfortable, I would encourage you to mention how you are feeling about the whole thing as well, I know it's definitely not ideal especially since they said that they need a break at the moment, it might still be worthwhile mentioning how you feel when everything mellows down ( when they are comfortable to talk again) since it's good to clear up any misunderstandings that had been made and hopefully move forward.
However, as @LilacLeopard14 has mentioned, sometimes there isn't anything you needed to change at all either. As with @LilacLeopard14 , there was a point in my life in highschool where I also needed to act in a certain way, in the end, I lost most if not all of the friends that I had to do an "act" for because it was exhausting and draining as it wasn't really "me".
Now that I'm in University, I have friends that I can be myself with and it feels more liberating and relaxed than how I used to need to act. In any case, I'm also glad to hear that you doing a good amount of self-care with the community theatre show and that been a breath of fresh air for you.
Finally, I'm glad to hear that you would be looking into some resources that @Bailey_RO has provided and I hope that they would be helpful for you at this stage. I would also like to direct your attention to an article that I think you might find helpful at this stage of your relationship: 4 Steps for Coping With Changing Friendships
Overall, I wish you the best of luck and if you need someone to talk to the community is always open to you 😊
