cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Main content skiplink
Join an event. Happening today.

Relationships feeling lonely

It has been over two months since my ex broke up with me and I would like to say things are better but they're still the same. I have tried getting into online dating and while I have had a few matches nothing beyond a handful of texts and then I am ghosted. I think I am still hung up on my ex even though she doesn't feel the same for me. I feel really upset because I made myself so emotionally vulnerable to her and she never cared about my feelings. Online dating is a nightmare, everyone is looking for that physical attraction and you need to be able to play the dating game it is just so overwhelming I want to try and be happy alone but I can't. I'm just scared I will end up alone for the rest of my life.

CosmicWolf798
CosmicWolf798Posted 07-08-2023 10:15 PM

Comments

 
Jade_1728
Jade_1728Posted 08-08-2023 06:57 PM

Hi@CosmicWolf798

 

im so sorry to hear that you are struggling, I think it shows strength coming on here and expressing your worries. Online dating is never a walk in the park it's actually quite brutal sometimes, it is the definition of judging a book by its cover. breakups are always upsetting and can make life feel disappointinh and I think online dating can sometimes make it even worse. even though it's something that is suppose to help you get back out there. So I understand where you're coming from when you say it's a nightmare! 

you sounds like an amazing person and you seem so brave! I think maybe focusing on yourself is key in this situation . Focusing on yourself can actually be a lot more satisfying then dating someone. Are there any particular ways that you like to practice self-care? Personally I like to get outside a bit more and play with my dog, and hang out with family but that's just me 🙂 everyone's definition of self care is different. 

 

 
 
CosmicWolf798
CosmicWolf798Posted 08-08-2023 08:13 PM

Thank you Jade_1728 that was really touching and actually made me feel a bit better. I try and go to the gym which I love doing and I find it's a good distraction and I always feel physically and emotionally better afterwards I also am trying to practice mindfulness but I kinda struggle with keeping a schedule of it

 
Love_and_Light
Love_and_LightPosted 08-08-2023 03:23 PM

Hi @CosmicWolf798

I understand you're having a tough time with a recent breakup and online dating. No breakup is ever easy and being with someone who doesn't reciprocate your feelings is not someone you want to continue putting effort into. Perhaps you may see this as a blessing in disguise as she may not have been worth your effort, love, and time. Often I believe that things happen for a reason and to teach us some things. In particular, this relationship may have ended for a reason, but there might be a few things you can take from that experience and apply in future relationships or to yourself. 

 

Online dating is rough, to say the least. I have a co-worker who is currently using dating apps and she is dealing with the same issues such as everyone looking at your appearance or getting ghosted. She has mentioned deleting them for a period to focus on herself, which I think is a great idea as in my experience once I began focusing on myself, love found me. 

 

I read in the thread that one of your hobbies is going to the gym, which is fantastic as I also love going to the gym. Do you have friends and/or family you can go out with? Considering you are also having some financial difficulties (which you mentioned in the thread), it can be just to hang out and play some board games, walk along a beach, go to a restaurant for coffee/dessert, or something inexpensive. Is that an option at the moment?

 
Breathe18
Breathe18Posted 08-08-2023 01:06 PM

@CosmicWolf798 I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling with things in your dating life right now. That must be really hard. I think it's always a good idea to be kind to yourself, you're allowed to be sad. Personally, I recently went through a break-up and everyday was different! Some days you feel okay and others are really hard. I think it's important to try not to be judgemental of how you feel through this tricky time. There is no right or wrong way to feel or move on.

 

I totally agree with you that online dating is overwhelming - it's a real struggle. I think it's a good idea that you want to take a break from it. It will always be there, and you can go back to it when you think you are ready. 

 

Are there any hobbies or activities you could do to help you relax and take your mind off things? Maybe even something small like reading, listening to music or getting into nature! 

 

I hope you are doing okay and able to find some things that bring you some happiness. Please reach out to friends or professionals if you feel you need some extra support. 💜

 
Pho-RO
Pho-ROPosted 07-08-2023 10:50 PM

@CosmicWolf798 I'm sorry to hear that things in your dating life are such a struggle right now. Whilst some people might think that two months is plenty of time to move on, every person and every relationship is different, and there's no 'correct' timeframe around how long it might take someone to feel ready to date again. If you're finding that dating right now is too stressful or that you're still grieving the loss of your relationship, it might be helpful to take some time to focus just on yourself for a while. 

 

Are there some things you're interested in, like hobbies or activities you could focus your time and energy into? Getting out and doing stuff that you enjoy is good for the soul, and you might even meet some new people. Friendships have just as much value to our lives as romantic relationships, and it can be incredibly exciting and fulfilling to form new connections with people without all the pressure that can sometimes come with dating. 

 

This applies also to the concept of being happy alone. Whilst it is good to work on our sense of self so that being by ourselves isn't a cause of distress, humans are social by nature, so finding people to connect with - friends, family, and partners alike - is very important. I think it's a very normal thing to be scared of ending up alone, especially after the end of a close relationship. But there are all sorts of ways to meet new people that don't have to involve online dating if you don't want them to. 

 

If you do feel like you might need a bit of extra support in moving forward, it's also always okay to ask for help. Could be worth considering whether to seek out a counsellor or therapist to help you work through the difficult feelings and find ways to nourish and nurture yourself. Then when you do find yourself connecting with someone, you can put your whole self into it without worrying about whether you're still mourning the loss of your relationship. 

 

I hope that you're able to find the things that bring you joy, and meet some new people who help you feel safe and valued.

 
 
CosmicWolf798
CosmicWolf798Posted 07-08-2023 11:23 PM

Thank you. At the moment I don’t really have many hobbies besides the gym I’m struggling financially atm since I’m studying so I can’t really spare the money. I think I will leave online dating for a while it is currently not helping with my mental health and the last thing I need is to lose that 

 
 
 
Pho-RO
Pho-ROPosted 08-08-2023 09:04 PM

@CosmicWolf798 financial strain makes things soooo hard for sure. Are there any groups or social clubs you could look into joining? 

 

Sounds like a good plan for now, I hope it is helpful to remove that element of stress from your life for a bit and come back to it when you're ready. It'll get easier, it'll get better. You got this 💚

 
 
 
Zig_RO
Zig_ROPosted 08-08-2023 04:38 PM

Hi CosmicWolf789,

 

How is your day going,

 

I’m sorry to hear that it’s been difficult getting back into the dating scene, even so I just wanted to commend you on the effort you have put into it. It takes a lot to build up the strength to even think about getting back into dating after a break-up especially only after 2 mouths, you should be very proud of yourself.

 

Reachout has a number of articles on dating/the dating scene, I’ve attached two of them down below please feel free to have a read and let us know if this helps.

 

Its good to hear that you are willing and wanting to take time for yourself, this can be the most beneficial thing for your wellbeing especially at times like these. Taking time for yourself can also help you on your own journey such as finding out more things you may enjoy.

 

I was also wondering what supports you may have around you, whether it be friends, family, or even professional support such as a counsellor (in-school or out of school). its important to surround yourself with positive energy and a caring environment.

 

The community and our staff are all here for you and would love to hear how you are going.

 

Please don’t be afraid to reach out for any support you may need or any other resource that may be helpful.

 

We hope to hear from you soon 🙂

 

https://au.reachout.com/articles/dating-apps-101-how-to-avoid-burn-out

https://au.reachout.com/articles/when-you-feel-like-the-dating-world-is-against-you

 
 
 
 
CosmicWolf798
CosmicWolf798Posted 08-08-2023 08:08 PM

Thank you. I still miss her and I think about her a lot but I know I need to move on. I talk to my counsellor at my university and she is really helpful and I talk to my parents as well. I think for now I just want to focus on myself but sometimes I do feel lonely and I feel like I’m not going to find something like I had with my ex so I latch onto those memories.

Welcome back!

Join the Community

ReachOut is confidential & anonymous.

8+ characters, 1 capital letter, 1 lower case letter and 1 number

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.