Scared - a vent

Hey @Sunset_Crab 

It’s completely normal to be worried about loosing the people you care about. It signals that the relationship you have with that person is important to you. Things really don’t need to last forever to be valuable and impactful. You may become strangers in the future but some of their mannerisms/perspective of the world will be imparted into you (and yours onto them). I like to think we’re the sum of all the people that have cared about us and all the people that cared about them. It still hurts a lot when relationships end and this person who was integral to your life is no longer there, but I think it’s worth it. I mean the alternative is to not love people and while it will protect you from potential pain, it will also prevent you from experiencing something incredibly special.  

The uncertainty of the future is scary, but the uncertainty also makes life meaningful. I mean if you knew exactly what was going to happen before a surprise party, it might not be as special (a very mundane example). I found the uncertainty of the future to feel easier when I stopped trying to predict what would happen and just did what I could to increase the likelihood of the outcome I wanted. Humans have a bias that overestimates how good/bad an event will be and overestimates how long emotions will last. We’re usually at lot better at coping with things than we think we are. It’s still never an easy thing to deal with, but it is typically easier than expected.

Hi there @Sunset_Crab 

I hear you. I've been there too. 

I have really bad fear of abandonment and recently went through a break up. Your post really resonated with me because those were the exact thoughts I was having for a really long time, it's comforting (in a strange way) to know someone else also understands the struggle. 

My ex and I dated for 3 years and I genuinely thought we would spend the rest of our lives together! The break up brought up so many emotions for me, and took me a long time to come to terms with. It wasn't anyone's fault, we both tried our best, but our circumstances and life goals meant that even if we stayed together we would have to be in a long-distance relationship for the next 4 years 🙁

Contrary to what I thought, I survived the breakup and am doing much better mentally now. It took a lot of time, but I learnt a lot about myself during this time. I started taking myself on coffee, shopping and library dates and found I really enjoy my own company. I also found sharing my feelings with friends, especially the ones that have had similar experiences, to be such a huge relief. It's great that you're reaching out to share your feelings too. If you ever want to talk more about it, I'm here for you❤️

Hey @Sunset_Crab ,

I completely understand how you feel. When I started dating the person I'm currently with, I couldn't stop thinking of the possibility that this relationship is only temporary and I am putting all my love into someone that I will never have a future with. Not to mention that "uncertainty of the future" you mentioned is literally the fuel for my anxiety haha!

Idk if this helps but something I learnt these past few months as I've been trying to improve on my anxiety is that that "uncertainty" I am afraid of isn't actually always scary and whatever ends up happening I know I'm going to be ok in the end. Like even if the relationship I'm in ends up us parting ways, I don't think I'd ever regret loving them or even meeting them in general because they helped me become the person I am today. Sometimes people who appear in your life are only around for a short time but that's alright! It's sad but I still think the time you spent with them is usually worth it in the end.

Sorry if this was sappy haha but thank you for sharing how you're feeling! It's a hella brave thing to do 😆 And I hope what I said helps at least a tiny bit ❤️