Some Advice
I've been in a very bad patten of not being able to wake up at a normal time and are getting ready at 3 in the afternoon. I feel like this is because of a lot of reasons. First I feel like I'm very lost without my friends who left the hostel and I know the other people here are good but not willing to hang out with me in the same way. I will try to meet up with them, but it's hard to find motivation when they live so far away and it takes time, and my friends here are not as good at intiviting me. Like I always have to invite myself. Also I have another worry unrelated to this. I have been worrying about getting up and showing progress and doing stuff. I know that with my perents I never wanted to make them see my progress, and I feel like thats been brought into Australia as I'm trying to get up. Like it's nothing bad, I just don't like them enough.
Comments
Hi @anonymous45,
It sounds like you're going through a challenging situation at the moment, and I can relate to things feeling out of synch. Especially with your friends having left and not feeling the same level of connection with the people currently at your hostel.
I think it's great that you're taking the time to reflect on what's going on in your mind. Given how difficult things have been, I'm wondering if you've thought about small steps that could help you feel a little more connected and motivated? Sometimes, even just creating a small routine, setting one achievable goal for the day, or engaging in a small act of self-care can make the world of difference. Perhaps it may also be helpful to reach out to one of your friends, through messages or phone calls, for a quick catch-up, even if it's long-distance.
All in all, please know that you're not alone in this, and it’s okay to take it one day at a time.
Sending hugs and all my best! 💛
Hey @anonymous45, 
Thank you for opening up and sharing how you’re feeling. It sounds like you’re navigating some difficult challenges right now and I can see how it’s affecting your routine and motivation. But reaching out shows that you understand when you need support and that you are willing to make changes to care for yourself. I believe that this skill will see you face challenges head on!
I want you to know that it's okay to feel this way, as changes like your friends leaving the hostel can feel really big, and it's natural to feel a sense of loss when your support system shifts.
I think its awesome that you are willing to meet up with them, even if its hard to find the motivation. Maybe planning something more managable, like a video-call, playing online games together or using an online watch party software to watch a movie together online could help to feel a bit more connected during the times when your motivation is low.
I also know that it’s tough when you feel like you’re always the one initiating plans. If you feel comfortable to, I would suggest trying to have a gentle conversation about how you’d appreciate being invited out some more. I know that I have personally been on both sides of this, and hearing that I needed to put in some more effort for a friend helped me to recognise their needs as well. Sometimes we don’t realise how our actions come across unless it’s pointed out.
About waking up late and sleeping in- I relate to this a lot! I have been sleeping in a lot lately. I completely understand how those expectations of progress, whether they come from parents or self-imposed, can weigh heavily on us.
Heres something that helped me- I set very small, achievable goals for myself each day, focusing on things that make me feel good, rather than meeting anyone else’s standards. This could be making the bed, having a shower, or tidying my room. Progress doesn’t have to be big or visible to someone else to matter—it’s about what feels right for you! I use an app called Me+ that lets me make a cute to-do list daily. If this sound like something you would want to try I recommend checking it out!
Laslty, I want you to know that you are not alone and that although you mentioned that you feel like these issues are impacting one another, it's okay to take things one at a time. If you feel like talking more, this community is here for you. 💙
I feel like I'm now having some issues with getting up and doing stuff. I know with my old friends in the hostel I used to hang out with them a lot, but now after they moved out I see the old friendship pattens come through. For example I have to self invite myself to stuff as no one messages me to come out, and I also have to self invite myself to a lot of events. I see this affecting me a lot and I'm trying to do stuff but I feel like I've got that barrier again. Also, I have been struggling to get up because I'm worried. I do have a big fear of going out my bed at a normal time. I feel like this is due to a lot of reasons. First would be not making my perents see my progress and wanting to avoid them because they made me feel crazy years ago now, and I feel like this feeling has lingered and only got better since Australia. And the second is the reason I have described above. Any tips on waking up early and getting over this fear?
Hello @anonymous45 ,
I'll be addressing the concerns that you have outlined in two of the posts that has been merged together. To start off, I'm sorry to hear that you have been having trouble waking up and that this has led to you having trouble with doing certain tasks as well.
In regards to having difficulties in engaging with your friends, I would like to say that that is a very normal occurence as well and sometimes it's not really something within your control as well. Sometimes I could be some more dramatic life changes that have been happening in their lives once your old friends have left the hostel. It might be that they have more things on their plates at the moment and balancing it themselves have proven challenging.
Personally, for me as I have previously mentioned with a lot of my posts, after I finished my Pre-U and was transitioning to Uni, I wasn't really able to meet my old friends from high school and even now everyone have walked their own paths, so we have not really talked or texted each other for a year now until very recently, where everyone was able to come back for Chinese New Year to reunite. I would also like to point you toward a specifc article as well that might be relevant to you: 4 Steps for Coping with Changing Friendships .
Furthermore, I'm also sorry to hear that you didn't have the best relationship with your family as well and that has hindered how you represent or show your progress. In any case, I would say that personally I felt that you should be very proud of the achievement that you have made on yourself and what you have ended up achieving in Australia.
Personally, I feel like this would be a good time to probably work on self-care for yourself at the moment, looking into some hobbies of interest that you might want to try or continue doing. Personally I find it very soothing to go out on my own sometimes for cake and tea, walking in the gardens or parks as well as engaging in arts and crafts and the likes. I know it must be difficult due to the fact that you are not in the mood to do anything, but akin to feeling ill as well, while it might be uncomfortable to start these things, once you done it, it does make you feel a lot better ( at least in my case).
Finally, you are not alone in your endevours and I hope that these suggestions helped realign you to what's going on in the present and helps you overcome your friendship dilemma, improve your productivity as well as help with your sleep schedule as well.
Hi @anonymous45,
Welcome back to the ReachOut Youth Community. Thank you for your courage in sharing what has been happening for you.
I wanted to let you know that we have merged your posts together to make it easier for other community members to engage with your post!
I hope you find the support you seek here!
Thanks, wasn't sure if it was sent properly so I appreciate both posts have come through
