TW: Sad and Angry

Hi @HazelHazelton  

Thank you for reaching out. I’m sorry to hear that you’ve received this message from your friend who you seem to treasure a lot. It sounds like you had a great friendship with him and it is understandable that you’re feeling lonely and lost in this situation.

It seems that your friend treasures you a lot too and that’s why he thinks that this is what’s best for you and him. As @Scarlet_Bird said, it seems that it is not out of malice but rather out of love. Of course, your feelings are still valid. No matter how good the intentions were, it is still painful and it’s normal that you feel this way. But I hope that you also remind yourself that you are loved and that this isn’t your fault.

Personally, I’ve lost some close friends throughout the years and it doesn’t get easier every time it happens. It still hurts when it happens, and I still find myself mourning what could have been if the friendship hadn’t ended. But it does get better. It may take a long time but eventually you’ll be able to look back on the memories you shared with them without feeling sad or guilty.

Right now, it is okay to take your time to process this. You don’t have to rush anything and it is okay to feel what you need to feel. I wish you all the best and the ReachOut community will always be here for you.

Sending you lots of love and hugs! 🤗💙

Hi @HazelHazelton 

It is so tough when a close friendship changes. It sounds like you’re grieving the loss of the friendship and the future you imagined with them. This must be really hard for you. I have been in a similar situation; a really close friend messaged out of the blue ending our friendship. It was really painful and made me feel so lost as two weeks before he gave me a really nice card writing about how we would be friends forever.

Surround yourself with people who care about you and try to remember that this friendship ending  isn't about you no matter how much it may feel like it is. The message your friend sent shows that they really do care about you but it is still painful, especially after so many years. It is okay to feel lonely and overwhelmed right now. Any emotions you are feeling are valid and you need to give yourself the time to grieve the friendship ending.

Now i look back on that friendship that i lost with more love as i value the time that i had with them. It still sucks and i still get sad at times but the fondness i have for them is still the same. It has also helped me appreciate the friendships i have gained since that friendship ending. Things can be so fleeting and things can happen out of the blue. 

Take your time with healing from this and as hard as it can be, do not beat yourself up about this. We are always here for you at Reach Out 🥰 

Hi @HazelHazelton 

I'm so sorry to see this happen to you. It can be difficult losing a friend who you value, especially when you both share an interest in each other. It is completely understandable and valid to be stressed and overwhelmed about this situation. I would absolutely feel the same if I was in your position.

I think its important to note that your friend did not do this out of malice but rather out of love. I understand that sometimes that makes things more complicated and harder to move on from, but it seems they also want the best for you. I also think that they have decided to send that message not only for themselves but for you as well. It seems that because they cannot be in a romantic relationship that they don't want to cause you any lasting pain so they are being honest with you. In saying that, ending the friendship can be just as hurtful. I also want to highlight that in the last section of the text, they really just want the best for you. Please try to not blame yourself. I can see that they really care for you and will continue to want the best for you, as you would for them.

Wishing you the best 💛

Hi @HazelHazelton, it's great to see more of your presence in the online community and thank you for being so open to sharing your thoughts and feelings in this moment.

It's sad to hear this from your friend and it hurts to hear how you are feeling stressed and overwhelmed by this. Firstly, I think it's good to acknowledge that your friend has sent a message that is honest and most importantly in a nice way. From my perspective as a man, I have been in a similar situation with your friend where I had feelings for a girl who only viewed me as a friend at the time. So I can understand how he is feeling now but it's also understandable how you are feeling too.

When someone you know as a friend has feelings for you, it is hard to go back as justs friends once their feelings have changed (like how your friend is struggling due to his beliefs). And it's really hard because it feels like you can't be friends anymore. It makes sense when you feel overwhelmed by this because you don't want to lose a friend. Of course, this may make you feel sad and lonely but I hope you can reflect on it and appreciate that he is really nice.

There is always a way to hold on to a great and long-lasting friendship. I think if you're honest with him it might be a good idea, so he knows that you still value your friendship with him. The reason I suggest that is because the girl I knew was not honest with me and I had not idea what she wanted or whether we could be friends or not, and I hope the loneliness that I felt is not going to repeat with you.

Hopefully everything goes well with you and your friend and if you can hold on to such a good and long friendship. I also hope you can feel happier and not feel as overwhelmed by this. Hope this helps! 😁

Hello @HazelHazelton ,

To start off, so sorry to hear that you have received this message from your friend. As mentioned by @Zig_RO , it is perfectly normal to feel overwhelmed or stressed about this incident as well as any strange or emotional response that comes along with it. As @Zig_RO has asked, I would like to ask if you have reached out to anyone on this matter, whether that be a close friend, family member or even a professional counsellor?

Personally, I feel you as well, I have had a very close friend of my own as well and I have ended up building a very strong connection with him as well. But as time went on, the relationship took a dark turn and my emotions and good will have ended up being used against me in a less than flattering way, any mistake were thrown and criticised very roughly by him as well and I was at one point slowly getting isolated from my other peers from him. Eventually, it started affecting my sleep and well-being, so in the end, with the help of my other friend, I was able to seek help with my counsellor to resolve the issue, leading to our separation as friends. In any case, although this has passed me, I sometimes still think about if things could have gone differently, but at the end of the day as @Zig_RO has mentioned, I decided not to dwell on the matter too much and not let this define who I am and what relationships I form in the future, there is so much possibilites of making new friends and connections and I feel that keeping my head high for the future helps me to move away from this point in my life and forge greater and stronger bonds with new friends 😁.

Finally, as mentioned in the post by @Zig_RO , it might be useful for you to look at the 2 articles (4 steps for Coping with Changing Friendships , 6 Ways to Look After Yourself When a Friendship Ends) that has been provided by @Zig_RO on changing friendships. Overall, I wish you all the best and hope you can overcome this soon 😊.

Hi @HazelHazelton, 

I want to start by thanking you for your post! Posting about life experiences can be a very challenging thing to do, especially when it comes to friends and friendships. I want to commend you on your strength and your ability to look after your well-being by taking these steps, you should be very proud of yourself 🙂 

I'm really sorry to hear that this message from your friend is making you feel overwhelmed, i can imagine that this may be a very heard thing to read and comprehend and i want you to know that it's more than ok to feel an array of strange and strong emotions right now. You're only human and I'm sure many community members can agree as well as myself that its normal to feel like the world is on top of you when it comes to changing friendships. 

From what i have read i can see that your friend meant a lot to you and that you meant a lot to your friend. Connection is such a beautiful thing, and while we may hope our friendships stay the same it's important to remember that change is a factor of life no matter how much we don't want it to be. having a close friend or any friends life go in a different direction can be a very challenging thing to come to terms with It's important to remember the beauty  and love for that it was and not define it by this one moment. And while the friendship may seem to of ended, you never know what the future holds and where life takes you both 🙂 

I also want you to know that none of what has happen is your fault and it's really important to not blame or take what has happen out on ourselves. I wondering what support you may have such as other friends or family, or even professional supports such as a counsellor that can support you through this change?

I'm also wondering if you been able you talk to anyone about your friendship, or ever to your friend since you received this message?

Finally i want to provide you with some links to two really amazing articles ReachOut has on changing friendships. 

4 steps for coping with changing friendships 
The mate breakup: 6 ways to make sure you're okay when a friendship ends 

Wish you all the best and hope to hear from you soon 🙂