Non Binary??
Hey so im a lesbian girl in year nine. Ive questioned my gender before and thought I could be non binary, but that just doesnt feel right. I think i might be a demigirl? Idk if thats what its called but feeling partially like a girl and partially not. Its kinda upsetting me and i really want a binder but idk if my mum will actually get it for me. I aked her but she didnt really give a clear answer. Anyway please help lol
Comments
Hey @anonymousgrl !
Fellow lesbian here!! Thanks for sharing with us, like @Lapis_Anteater has mentioned, figuring out all the different facets of your identity is really tough, but especially so when you're not cis/het.
I'm a cis woman so feel free to take everything I say with a heaping handful of salt! It looks like you've got some great advice from other trans folks on here too! I'm wondering if it might be really fun for you to start to experiment a little with clothes/gender expression/pronouns. Gender is so complicated, even for cis people, and it's really understandable that you're feeling a little confused right now. I think the most important thing to focus on above all else is making yourself feel comfortable, and working out what feels gender affirming for you. You feeling good in yourself and the way you present is so much more important than a perfect label.
It also sounds like you’ve got the kind of relationship with your mum where you can chat about gender/sexuality stuff, which is really great to hear. Even with lovely supportive people though, navigating these kinds of conversations is still really really tricky. Obviously I don’t know the ins and outs of your relationship with your mum, but I’m wondering if it might be worth having a crack at the conversation with your again, but focussing on how you’ve been feeling re gender lately more broadly, and then moving on to the topic of binders. Sometimes it’s a little easier for people to understand if they’ve got context!
I have one other thought too, but again, I’m cis and also very traditionally feminine, so please feel free to absolutely disregard if this doesn’t resonate!! It sounds to me like you’ve been thinking a lot about the ways you do and don’t feel comfortable with presenting and gender lately, and i’m just curious to know whether you know much about butch lesbian/masc lesbian identity, and whether this might resonate with you? My point is, is that the label lesbian is so beautiful and can contain a lot of nuance too!! There are heaps of lesbians who wear binders and present masculine, but who identify and women and use she/her pronouns. On the other hand, there are also heaps of he/him and they/them lesbians, non-binary lesbians, even trans-guys who still identify as lesbian.
Please be gentle with yourself at the moment. There's no rush, you're allowed to take your time. You're also absolutely allowed to experiment with different gender expression/presentation and to try different things. You're also allowed to change your mind too - we're all out here just learning more about ourselves everyday!!
Thinking of you, would be interested to hear an update, if you feel like sharing some more 💕
Hey @anonymousgrl
Working out who you are when you’re not cis/het can be a challenge. It’s great that you’re thinking about how to make yourself feel more comfortable. Just remember that both gender and sexuality are fluid and it’s okay if you jump between labels to find what fits for you. It might take some time but ultimately, I’d say it’s worth it. It’s hard to be patient but you’ll know when things feel right for you.
Is there are reason your mother is hesitant when it comes to getting you a binder? It’s not the same but compression sports bras might be a decent starting point if binders aren’t an option. You should be able to see how it feels to have a flatter chest and work out if it suits you better.
Hey @anonymousgrl ,
I'm trans and can really remember how difficult those early days were when I was trying to figure out my gender identity so I want to say it's probably not going to be an easy or quick journey but it's really rewarding when you do ultimately feel comfortable in yourself. You're at the perfect age to experiment with your gender and gender expression so don't feel like you need to rush anything or have it all figured out just yet. That's great you're finding labels you identify with and they can be great ways to find community but I did want to add that it's also okay not to label yourself if you aren't sure yet or use a broader term like queer (meaning you are in some way in a gender or sexual minority) or non-binary (which just means you don't identify as a man/woman).
Experimenting with clothes and haircuts could also be a good way to figure out and express your gender identity. For binders, your mum may be hesitant to get you one because she doesn't fully understand what they do and how they can be safe so it could help to explain to her how it'd make you feel to be able to experiment with binding and how wearing a binder can be safe if you follow proper binding guidelines. You could also look into queer/trans youth support groups in your area either online or in person which could help to find others with experiences you resonate with.
Good luck on your journey, try to listen to what feels right for you and there's no need to rush into any specific identity if you're not sure yet - you've got this! ☺️
