TW: Dysphoria taking over my life :(
Hi everyone hope you are all going okay, 🙂
i'm a closeted trans boy at an all girls school , term has started again ive reached rock bottom and my dysphoria has gotten really bad i'm using methods that are unsafe but its the only thing that helps as I don't have any proper materials I was also recently diagnosed with ADHD that makes it hard to focus and stay on top of study and I have also been combating depression for awhile.Sorry if this is starting to sound like a vent but I really don't want to go to school tomorrow i'm thinking of skipping or faking sick but in all honesty I just need someone to talk to if there are any other trans people who would like to talk 🙂
sorry for the long post I just needed to get this off my chest.
thank you for listening :,)
Comments
Hey @SonOfApollo
I just wanted to jump in after reading your post!
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been going through such a tough time lately and that your dysphoria has gotten really bad. Being at an all girls school must make it even more challenging for you and it is very understandable that you are feeling this way and are not wanting to be at school with all of this going on.
It takes a lot of courage and strength to share this so you should be really proud of yourself for taking that step!
I know you mentioned that you are closeted and was curious as to whether you have spoken or come out to anyone, whether it be a friend, your parents, family members or a health professional or if anyone was aware of what you’re going through? It okay if you don’t feel comfortable to do so yet, as it is your decision and your journey but I can hear how much of a tough time it has been for you lately and want to remind you that you don’t have to deal with this alone and that there are so many services, resources and supports available like our Online community, Qlife or Tranhub.
You mentioned that you have been binding to make yourself feel more comfortable and that you have been using some unsafe methods to do so. If you have a GP that you trust and feel comfortable to talk to about this, I really encourage you to do so to make sure that you are keeping yourself safe. Is this something you would consider? I also wanted to share some resources and information with you about using binders safely and some things that you can try, you can access them here and here.
I wanted to share this event with you that we had with an LGBTQIA+ friendly GP which I thought you may find helpful. We also have a collection of resources and articles about gender which you may also find helpful.
You also mentioned that you were recently diagnosed with ADHD which makes it hard to focus and stay on top of study which is something that is very common for people with ADHD. We recently had a weekly wellbeing about this actually that includes study tips for ADHDers which you might find helpful to have a look through. We also have some more resources about ADHD here.
It sounds there has been a lot going on for you lately and it is very understandable that you are feeling this way. I was curious as to what your supports look like and whether there was anything that helps you when you are feeling this way? It’s important that you are taking care and being kind to yourself.
Also we will be sending you an email to check in, could you please keep an eye out for it.
Remember that this is a safe space and we are all here to listen and support you as best as we can.
Take care
Hi @Blake_RO,
Thank you so much for responding,
to answer your first question no I haven't come out to anyone at all yet iv'e only felt safe to talk about it on reachout to people I don't really know i'm just scared and not ready to deal with the possible backlash from people in my life hopefully one day i'll be able to 🙂 also I have been looking into the resources you gave me using the binding method of putting on multiple sports bras will allow me to pass if I wear a baggy shirt thank you so much for those resources!
there aren't many things that make me feel happy anymore but I do still enjoy and go to an improv theatre sports group (we have a competition soon).
Again thank you so much for those resources and your amazing advice
your help is always fantastic 😁
Ps.I ended up going to school because I had to sit an RE test I mostly just stayed in the library, don't know what to do tomorrow 😕
Hi there @SonOfApollo ,
It takes a lot of courage to share what is happening for you. I commend you on reaching out on these forums. I am glad to hear that you found the resources helpful.
At the same time, I hear how challenging school can be for you. I'm sorry to hear that there aren't many things that make you feel happy anymore. Have you been able to speak to your GP about your depression? Do you feel like there is a recent change in your mood you'd like to talk to them about?
I know QLife has been recommended to you already, but I encourage you to reach out to like-minded people. They also have a webchat service if you feel more comfortable with that than speaking over the phone. It may help you feel less alone in this journey.
I read that you want to one day be able to come out to the people in your life. When you feel ready, RO has some pretty awesome resources and stories about coming out which you may be interested in. There are also other accounts of young people coming out. We don't expect these stories to be exactly like yours, but it may be good to hear what they say about coming out.
Please take care. We look forward to hearing how you go tomorrow.
Hey there @SonOfApollo, really sorry to hear that your dysphoria is becoming so overwhelming for you. Dysphoria is such an awful experience, to not feel at home in your own body. I'm guessing you haven't found anyone at school with whom you feel safe enough to come out? Having someone to talk to, even a school counsellor or a trans-friendly therapist could be super helpful.
If you haven't already come across it, we've got a thread here for our trans members to connect. You can also get in touch with the lovely folx over at Switchboard if you ever need to chat to someone about trans stuff. They've got a couple options - Rainbow Door, and QLife.
Be gentle with yourself friend, things will get better 💚
