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No one actually cares about me... I just want ppl to understand how I feel

Hi,

Over the last few years I've been struggling with depression, and reaching out. Every small thing that happens keeps building up, and now it seems like I've got no alternative. Recently, my biggest source of stress has been trying to please both my parents and my girlfriend. It seems like neither loves me or cares about me unless I'm making them happy - and they want different things from me, meaning that I can't make both parties happy. I always try to defend my gf when I'm talking to my parents, and I try to defend my parents when I'm talking to my gf, but no one ever defends me. I've been fighting with both for a while now. I'm just really struggling with the weight of expectation - the expectation to do well in hsc, the expectation to give up all my time and physical possessions to my gf.  

 

I've tried multiple times to reach out - I've told my family that I've been struggling with depression, and I've told my gf and my best friend that I have suicidal thoughts and that I want to run away, but no-one cares. My parents just forget about everything I say about my emotions and depression after 5 mins. My best mate, who struggles with depression as well, just ignores what I say, as if I'm not being serious. And my gf just gets more and more angry with me, even when I say I've been contemplating suicide. 

 

I just want people to understand how I feel. I need support, not anger and disappointment everywhere I turn. This is my last resort before running away. If this can't help anything, I think I will take a train out to the Bush, and just walk around for a few days.

 

Pls, someone reply

Re: No one actually cares about me... I just want ppl to understand how I feel

Hi @Idontwantanams 

Firstly welcome to ReachOut, thank you for being so brave in sharing what has been happening for you. Opening up can be difficult at times, and it sounds like you have taken a big step by asking for support. We want you to know this is a safe place Heart. Things sound like they are really tough right now and feel overwhelming, having suicidal thoughts is a really common experience and it is important to have these discussions. We do care about your safety, can you let us know if you are safe now?  You spoke about your family and friends not really listening to you at the moment, do you have a GP that you see regularly that you can speak to? 

Re: No one actually cares about me... I just want ppl to understand how I feel

Ive got a doctor that i see when im.sick, but i dont have regulae contact with him. My mum is the onky psychologist ivw ever spoken to. And shes obviously bo help. Since my last post ive been speaking about my feelings to my best friend and to my gf, but once again without any response. My friend just said to deal wirh it, and my gf got really angry with me and started ignoring me. 

 

I'm not rly sure what to do right now. I dont wanna go home and sww my family, but ive got nowhere to go.

Re: No one actually cares about me... I just want ppl to understand how I feel

Hi @Idontwantanams 

It sounds like you have been really working on talking about your feelings and letting people know what's going on for you.  You said it's really hard at the moment to get people to listen, your doctor may be able to give you some support and options to help. You said you are not sure what you are going to do and you don't want to go home, are you safe now?

 

We acknowledge that it is really hard having this conversation online, but there is a safe place and people are here to listen. Sometimes it does take people a while to respond, so if you need immediate support we really encourage you to reach out to a helpline.

 

https://kidshelpline.com.au/ 

https://www.lifeline.org.au/

https://headspace.org.au/eheadspace/

 

 

 

 

Re: No one actually cares about me... I just want ppl to understand how I feel

Hi @Idontwantanams, welcome to the forums.

I'm so sorry that the people around you haven't been supportive...

Depression and suicidal thoughts aren't something that you can just suck up or deal with, and they can be so, so hard.

Have you looked into going to a Headspace centre at all?

They provide free/ low cost counselling, which might be useful for you. I've found the link: https://headspace.org.au/our-services/our-centres/

If you're able to see your gp, he might also be able to get you a mental health care plan. Depression and suicidal thoughts are an absolutely valid reason to see a gp.

Re: No one actually cares about me... I just want ppl to understand how I feel

Hi @Idontwantanams! Welcome to the ReachOut forums!

That situation sounds really tough. Smiley Sad I'm sad that the people around you aren't supportive and I'm sorry to hear that you're having suicidal thoughts. It's important to remember that suicidal thoughts are just thoughts. You don't have to act on them.

Do you have any extended family members, neighbours, trusted teachers or friends you can confide in? Heart

Re: No one actually cares about me... I just want ppl to understand how I feel

Hi @Idontwantanams 

We just wanted to check in and see how things are going?

It sounds like there has been lots going on and we want make sure you are safe Heart