cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Main content skiplink
Join an event. Happening today.

Anyone have any advice?

Hi!

So here's the story... For the past year, I've been struggling with my mental health,

Spoiler
I was suicidal two years ago, and was self harming up until the month before I moved to a new town.

In the first week of school, I had a few guys hitting on me and one asked me to be his girlfriend, I said yes. We were going pretty good, it seemed so to me at least. 3 weeks in, I went to school the day after my birthday and as soon as I sat down he got up and walked away. I asked his best friend what was going on and they showed me messages from the night before:

 

 

Him: i cheated on her

Friend: what the hell?

Him: you didnt think I was actually serious about her

Him: I just wanted to ruin her life

Friend: what the hell is wrong with you

Him: nothing

Him: Im just a boy

 

I felt like my world was ending, I had trusted him, some might think it was to soon but i did, do love him. I've never been cheated on before and I dont know what to do, can anybody help? He made me happy and was the only thing that was keeping me from crying myself to sleep. I'm falling back into where I was before, I just want to be happy. Now I'm scared to let anybody get close because anyone who does seems to always use me or gaslight me. I even shut out my friends. Anyone else relate? I need advice, please?

Periwinkle_Komodo_Dragon
Periwinkle_Komodo_DragonPosted 07-09-2024 03:44 AM

Comments

 
Gemz
GemzPosted 09-09-2024 04:39 PM

I'm really sorry you're going through this—it sounds incredibly painful and confusing. Being cheated on, especially by someone you trusted and cared about, is a crushing experience. It’s natural to feel hurt and to question your trust in others after something like this. 

Here are a few thoughts and suggestions that might help you navigate this difficult time: 

 

  • Allow Yourself to Grieve: It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or betrayed. Allow yourself to experience these emotions without judgment. It’s a crucial part of healing. 
  • Focus on Self-Care: Engage in activities that make you feel good and remind you of your worth. This might be hobbies, exercise, or spending time in nature. Taking care of yourself is essential for healing. 
  • Reflect on Boundaries: It might be helpful to think about what boundaries you want to set in future relationships. Understanding what you need and expect can help protect you from getting hurt again. 
  • Be Patient with Yourself: Healing takes time, and it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Be gentle with yourself as you navigate through these feelings and work towards finding happiness again. 
  • Rebuild Trust Gradually: It’s understandable to feel hesitant about letting others in right now. It might help to start small, with people who have shown consistent support and kindness. 

You’re not alone in feeling this way, and many people have faced similar challenges. It’s a tough road, but with support and self-care, you can find a path forward. You deserve to be happy and to be with people who value and respect you. 

 
Green_Ghost
Green_GhostPosted 09-09-2024 11:16 AM

Hi there @Periwinkle_Komodo_Dragon 

 

I'm so sorry that this happened to you. Nobody deserves to get cheated on, and it was horrid of him to treat you that way, especially completely on purpose with the intention of hurting you. "I'm just a boy" is not an excuse.

 

Betrayal can be heartbreaking, especially coming from someone we love. I would suggest definitely taking some time for yourself and putting your mental health first. What are some things that you like to do that normally lift your spirits? I like reading and watching tv shows, as they normally give me some space to have time to myself and enjoy myself.

 

Do you have anyone you can reach out to? Like a counsellor, or a school counsellor? I feel as though you could benefit from having an in-depth discussion about this with someone you can trust definitely won't use or gaslight you because they want to help you. If not, there is always the option of reaching out to Kids Helpline if you feel like discussing it more with a trained counsellor 💜 Also don't be afraid to reach out to Lifeline if you feel you are in a crisis. 

 

 

 
LittlePisces
LittlePiscesPosted 08-09-2024 07:24 PM

Hi @Periwinkle_Komodo_Dragon 

 

Thank you so much for reaching out and for your vulnerability. This person took advantage of your trust and you are now doubting your ability to discern whether or not a person has pure intentions. This betrayal has blindsided you as this was a person who you still hold in your heart and kept you from falling apart. 

 

I can feel how this experience has shattered you and you are feeling as though you are unable to place your trust in another. My own experience involved a 2 year relationship which ended in result of a betrayal and so your feelings resonate deeply with me. 

 

It is important that you think of yourself and what you deserve. Pain is the root of suffering but it is also the root of growth and transformation. This heartbreak will only develop your wisodm and how you approach relationships in the future. 

 

I sounds like your fear of the unknown stems from lacking control over your fate and whether you will experience this pain again. I hear that this experience seems to be leading you back to old patterns and is an obstacle to happiness. You do not deserve what has happened to you, cheating has detrimental effects on the person who has been betrayed. The intentions of others has been distorted as a result and you are distancing yourself from friends. 

 

Your kind heart should be evidence to know that not everyone is ill-intentioned. I encourage you to think about things that you value in a partner. What can someone do in the future to make you feel safe, loved, honoured, and respected? Prioritise yourself and establish boundaries going forward. 

 

I hope that you are gentle with yourself as you embark on this journey of healing. How have you been managing these heavy feelings recently? Looking forward to hearing from you 🤗

 
Lapis_Anteater
Lapis_AnteaterPosted 07-09-2024 01:45 PM

Hey @Periwinkle_Komodo_Dragon 

 

I’m really sorry to hear that this has happened to you. It’s awful. You didn’t deserve it. I can hear the pain he has caused you. It’s completely understandable for you to be cautious about letting someone else in. Please remember that his actions are his, they do not reflect anything about you.

 

Hopefully as time passes things will feel easier for you. Three weeks may not be the longest relationship, but it seems like you felt a strong connection to him. It makes sense for you to be feeling like your world is ending as he completely violated your trust.

 

Having support during this time is really important. Is there anyone you can talk to? I know it’s hard to trust others right now but maybe there’s someone who you still feel safe with. It may be worth talking to a counsellor, especially if it’s causing you to feel similarly to when you were suicidal. The confidentiality the provide and the professional relationship may feel easier than talking to someone who may use/gaslight you.

 

I really hope you are kind to yourself and know you are not at fault. It’s hard to move on from relationship in the bests of circumstances let alone when your partner cheated. I wish you nothing but the best.  

 
Zig_RO
Zig_ROPosted 07-09-2024 10:53 AM

Hi @Periwinkle_Komodo_Dragon,

 

I want to start by thanking you for your post and welcoming you to the Youth Online Community 🙂 It's really amazing that you found this safe space to share and connect and I want you to know that the community is here to support you on your journey.

 

I want to commend you on the strength you have shown during this time, being cheated on can be a very challenging thing to have to experience. It's incredible to see you taking the steps towards your own well-being and I want you to be proud of where you are.

 

During this time and journey, you are on I want you to know that it's more than ok to feel down or low and not 100% your only human. Being cheated on is something no one should ever have to go through and I want you to know that none of this is your fault and to be proud of who you are. 

I'm wondering if you have any self-care you like to do that helps when you're not feeling 100%. This could be any activity or activities that help you feel better or take your mind off things. 

I'm also wondering what support might look like for you, this could be friends, family, or even professional support such as a school counsellor or GP. 

 

I want to provide you with two articles ReachOut has on How to Cope With Being Cheated On and How to Cope With a Breakup.

 

Thank you again for sharing your experience and again i want to commend you on your strength and resilience, please keep an eye out for an email we'll be sending 🙂

Hope to hear from you soon. 

 

 
 
Periwinkle_Komodo_Dragon
Periwinkle_Komodo_DragonPosted 10-09-2024 12:03 AM

Thanks for the advice and kind words yall

Related spaces

Welcome back!

Join the Community

ReachOut is confidential & anonymous.

8+ characters, 1 capital letter, 1 lower case letter and 1 number

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.