Break Up Blues
So three weeks ago my boyfriend of 11 years made the decision to break up. the past year we had started to distance ourselves from each other so it was no big surprise.
the surprise for me was how badly I have been dealing with it.
I also found out last week (through social media and then after he confirmed it) that he cheated last november and he is in a new relationship with this person.
He has been my best friend for the past 11 years of my life. we did have major ups and downs as any couple does but we also used to work through them.
I cry a lot. I feel down a lot. I have an amazing support system of friends but I still feel so alone. I feel like I can't feel any emotion but sadness and it is a constant feeling.
Any advice on how anyone else has dealt with breakups?
Comments
Hey @CassM thank you for sharing your story with us, and welcome to RO.
I'm so sorry to hear about your breakup. Everything that you feel right now is completely valid, and it's totally normal to feel down even if it wasn't entirely unexpected. 11 years is a very long time for any sort of relationship, so have patience with yourself - it's okay to mourn the loss of the relationship and feel sadness and grief.
That's so great to hear that you have a great support network of friends, even if you feel lonely (again, this is 100% normal after a breakup). RO has some resources for coping with breakups and feelings of loneliness that might be worth checking out (here and here), and we're here to support you on the forums - you're not alone.
Would it be helpful to hide social media posts from him for a little while? After a breakup it's super important to look after yourself and do activities/things that are conducive to your self-care and wellbeing as you process the new situation. I'm wondering what self care looks like for you, and what you can do to look after yourself when you feel down?
Hey @CassM
I hope you are feeling better today. I had a relationship that lasted 5 years and with you 11... I can imagine how attached you two must have been. Though I do not know what is a good advice to give you but I can tell you what helped me to get past the pain. I know its tough because as I describe it to others... I feel like I grew up with this person.
One of the happiest feeling that I experienced when I broke up with my ex was that how free I was now. I no longer need to think myself as "we/us" and I can focus on what I want in life. Take 15 to 30min walks and discover what you want in life now that you are no longer in a relationship. You can now go abroad and work/study, you can pickup that hobby that you've always wanted to. You can go visit your friends any time and stay as long as you like. Discover who you are and pursue your dreams.
One of the other important things is that I made peace with that I care for her and if she is happier with this other man (they are married now) then I should be happy for her. Nothing in life is ever forever. People change and feelings change, I shouldnt and cannot expect otherwise. I don't own her and I am sure she did not change on purpose... its just the way life is.
So be happy for your ex and don't feel down. You have friends, hobbies, career, family, studies, sports, travel, volunteering to discover and grow stronger bond with. This is an exciting and happy time for you... enjoy it.
Take care.
