Can't help but compare myself to others
Hi everyone,
I just wanted to share how I've been feeling lately. I can't help but compare myself to other people, especially adults around the same age as me who've accomplished so much and already have a full-time job.
Some days it's easier for me to remind myself that I'm still taking slow paces towards my goal (which is to finish my undergraduate degree and continue with honours or post-graduate). I suppose today is one of those days where I struggle to be kind to myself, but it's becoming increasingly difficult watching so many of my peers achieve so much or what appears to be so much, where I feel like I'm sort of stagnating.
I suppose I'm just posting because I feel down about myself and I wanted to share this experience. Maybe one of you will relate to it or have been at a point in your life where you can understand how it feels.
Cheers,
Stego
Comments
Hi @Sky_Stegosaurus 💌
I am sorry to hear you are struggling to be kind to yourself, but I want you to know that it is a completely normal and human experience to feel like this. I bet the people you are comparing yourself to also feel that way sometimes it is easy to see the achievements of others and feel as if ours pale in comparison. I have felt like this many times, especially as I had to delay my University graduation by one year and watched all my friends graduate and find cool opportunities while I was beginning my honours year all alone. But strangely, it ended up working out for the better — I found my best friends in my honours class (and I wouldn’t have ever crossed paths with them had I not been “behind” peers) and eventually secured an amazing job. What I am trying to say is, everyone is on their own timeline, and sometimes being “behind” can be a good thing because you don’t know what’s around the corner.
I also think it’s important to remember that success isn’t just about big milestones — it also includes personal growth, resilience, and the ability to keep going despite challenges. Sometimes, the things we don’t see as achievements (learning from failure, adapting, or even just getting through a rough time) are actually some of the most valuable. Society tends to highlight the most impressive accomplishments, but behind every success story is a mix of privilege, opportunity, luck, and circumstances that aren’t always in our control. It’s okay to not have everything figured out immediately.
Instead of measuring yourself against others, maybe try measuring against your past self. What have you learned? How have you grown? A little self-reflection can help shift the focus away from comparison. You might feel like you’re stagnating, but that’s sometimes just an illusion — even if you feel stuck, you are likely still changing and evolving in ways you don’t realise yet. Some periods of life feel slow, but they often serve as the foundation for future growth.
I also think it can be helpful to write down your achievements, both big and small, so you can get perspective on just how far you have come. We can all forget these things because we get caught up in what others are doing.
Even if it is a slow pace to your goals — you are taking steps! That is huge. You have goals you can work towards and that is a wonderful thing to be mindful of. Slow progress is still progress regardless of the pace.
Wishing you the best.
Hey @Sky_Stegosaurus
I’m really sorry to hear you’re struggling with comparing yourself to others. Although it is common, it is definitely not easy. Personally, I know I am way behind my peers (my peers graduated in 2023, and I still have 2.5 years left on my degree) and sometimes it gets to me. I try to remember that when I look back on my life, I’m probably not going to care that it took me longer to finish my degree or get a job or something. I’m hopefully going to have so many more important moments to remember that I wouldn’t even consider it memorable. Also no one else had the same experiences as me and all things considered I did the best I could to manage everything. The comparison isn’t really fair.
There isn’t one correct timeline or way to live your life. You get to decide what’s important to you and what you value. And honestly some of those people may hate their full-time jobs and wish they were where you’re at. So long as you’re progressing towards your goals, you will get where you need to go. It will take as long as it needs to take. Try to focus on the things that make you, you and the things that bring you joy. Life is a long time so there’s no rush. If you can find your passion, you’ll be ahead of most people. You are the only person that will ever live your life. You get to determine what’s correct for you.
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling this way, you are definitely not alone! This post resonates with me as I got rejected from Masters for this year which delayed finishing my studies as I won't be able to be qualified in my field of study without a Masters. So, granted I get in next year, I will be a year behind everyone else. The total length of my studies would also be 6 years, while the duration of the majority of my friend's degrees only took 4 years. Hence, I am watching everyone around me begin their dream full-time jobs, move away, settle down, and purchase houses as they have a stable job and are finished their studies. It can be very disheartening to watch everyone around you begin their lives when you are not there yet. It's very hard not to compare yourself.
However, you need to remember that everyone's paths look different, and we can't compare ourselves to those who are in different circumstances to us. The people around you may be completing degrees that have different requirements, are shorter, or easier to get employed in. Or you may be studying part-time because you need to pay rent, there can be a number of differences we forget to consider. You are on your own path and you need to remember that no matter what your path looks like, you will make it to where you want and are meant to be when the time is right. You are under no time limit and there are no set guidelines that state you must finish your degree or gain employment or buy a house by a certain age. This is your story and you are writing it, whenever you get there is when you get there. It is already great in itself that you're completing a bachelor's degree, you need to take steps to reach your goals and you're on your way there.
It's definitely hard to consistently be kind yourself when you often see people at the stage you want to be at, but I hope you can return to this thread and remind yourself that you are not alone and you are not stagnating, you are just on your way!
I wish you all the very best!
Hey @Sky_Stegosaurus,
Thank you for sharing your situation with the ReachOut community. 💛 I am sorry to hear that you have been going through this.
Having been on a similar path in wanting to pursue honours or grad school, I understand the journey that involves. As a result, I have also found myself comparing my progress to people around me that have pursued a different path in life and have gotten full-time work a lot faster than me.
Something that brings me peace is acknowledging that each person is on their own timeline. That is, there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to go about life. What is important is that you pursue what makes you passionate and feel inspired. I know, though, that at times it can be difficult to view things from this perspective.
During this time I found that having conversations was quite helpful. Both with friends and family, and also the career advisors at my university. The advisors recommended different jobs and internships I could undertake across my studies, so I could actively be involved in the field while working through the theory in the classroom. Do you think there is anyone you could talk to about what is on your mind?
I also want to acknowledge how awesome it is that you are taking each day as it comes and working on being kinder to yourself. When I am feeling overwhelmed I find that practicing self-care can help to ground me to better navigate any challenging thoughts or feelings I am having. I am wondering if there something you can do in the coming days, no matter how small, to take of yourself?
I am wishing you the very best moving forward and sending hugs!
Thank you for sharing with us today. There are so many people out there that would relate to this, my friends and I have this conversation often. As young people, it's almost like we are expected to have it figured out and know exactly where we are going and seeing others who seem like they do can make us feel like we are doing life wrong in some way and a lot of pressure is applied to us.
I relate to this a lot and it becomes hard not to compare or feel like I am behind. On days like this I will try to reach out to my friends and I also particularly around work remind myself that by the time I am 30 years old, I will still probably have 40 years' worth of work and that it's okay to value the time I have now. It's hard seeing people's careers take off or discussing the job they have while at uni and even hearing lecturers. This is where I try to remind myself that my values are different to those, I value flexibility around work so I enjoy my life, and I value the support my manager gives me while at uni and I value the time I have to build and grow myself before throwing myself fully into the workforce. When it comes to work and uni-related stuff and feel behind that's were I try to find opportunities and certificates that are beneficial to my future career path. This could be something worth looking into, I have recently looked into doing an excel certificate as I know that's beneficial to my path way and I also look into volunteer path ways.
I think the other hardest part about comparing ourselves now is social media, especially those who are our age. Sometimes I will look at an influencer who is my age and think wow that looks so much more mature or put together etc, wow they can afford to buy a house. This is what I try to think though when I compare, they only show us what they want us to see. It can be tricky to remind ourselves of this especially when it is pushed into our faces but it's true we never see the logistics behind it.
When it comes to being kind to ourselves it can be tricky. One thing when it came to comparing myself I would write down the rational facts, and things I value and look at it like this is where I am meant to be. Now you don't have to do this every time but you can certainly read back on previous ones and see whats changed and how much further you've come. Another important one I do is put my phone away, delete social media etc and go and do something for myself. It can be sitting in the sun, reading my book and going for a walk. A bit of self-care until I am out of it. I would also recommend speaking to friends and family I think it's a good idea because they might be feeling the same way and can release pressure from yourself and know you arent alone.
I think its also important to remember that we are almost forced to live in a fast paced world where multitasking is a necessity almost, and its perfectly okay to slow down, take a step back and do one thing at time. I wish you all the best and its okay to feel this way.
Hi @Sky_Stegosaurus,
I really appreciate you sharing your experience with the community. I’m sure many of us here can relate to how you’re feeling. We’re at the stage where we’re figuring things out and trying to establish ourselves as adults and seeing our peers seemingly so ahead of us can be difficult and discouraging. It’s understandable that you’re feeling this way because there is a lot of pressure around us to be at a certain stage in life at a certain age.
I can relate to this feeling so much and with every rejection email I get from the jobs I applied for, it becomes increasingly hard to not compare myself to my peers whose careers are taking off even while still in university. I agree that some days it’s easier for us to remind ourselves that we have our own pace, and it may be slower than the others and we’re all gonna get there someday, but there are also days like this when it just feels like we’re not doing enough. But as hard as it is to believe right now, we are doing enough. We’re all trying our best and I know that everything will fall into place at the right time. We may feel slower than the others right now but it’s okay, I believe good things are ahead of us.
I know it’s difficult to be kind to ourselves during this kind of day, but I’m wondering what do you normally do at these times to make yourself feel better and if you’ve had the chance to do it? Sharing your feelings and experience is already a huge step in self-care but I’m wondering if there are other things you can do to take care of yourself. Recently, I received another rejection email from a job I really wanted to get into and it made me feel really bad so I went to get a sundae and then watched my favourite show to make myself feel better. I’m still a bit sad about it but the sundae and the show really helped a lot.
I wish you all the best and I hope that you achieve all the things that you want to accomplish. You’re not stagnating at all, you’re taking steps towards your goals and while it may take some time, you’ll get there eventually. Right now, you should be proud of yourself for everything you’ve accomplished. None of it is small by any means, being at uni itself is a huge feat. I know you got this! 💙
Hi @Sky_Stegosaurus,
I want to start off by thanking you for your post and for sharing what has been going on for you lately. Sharing experiences and current feelings can always be a challenging thing to do, especially on an online platform so i think you should be so proud of yourself for taking these huge steps towards your well-being. It's so amazing to see.
From what i have read, i can see that comparing yourself to others is something that has been on your mind quite a bit recently, and I'm really sorry to hear how it's been affecting you. Comparison to others can be a very draining and tiring experience and i want you to know that it's completely ok to feel drained and low. You're only human and no one deserves to feel ashamed of themself in comparison to others.
It take a lot of strength to not just speak out about how you are feeling but to actually feel these things too. On top of this i think you should be so proud of you're commitment to your university degree and your desire and goals for what will come next. Having this desired path and goals for the future can be a tricky thing to figure out for some, and to see you motivated by these goals is so amazing and so inspiring to see.
It's important to remember that you're only human, and it's more than ok to take things in life at different paces. It can be challenging to see someone at different stages/have achieved alternatives things then might have, however it can be calming to consider area/stages you're excelling in or have achieved that others haven't. Life can be complicated and take you down some crazy paths, and you never know what might happen along the way 🙂
I wanted to share with you some resources that ReachOut has on comparing yourself to others.
The first is a post created by another one of our amazing community members, which discussing techniques that can support you when you find yourself comparing to others.
The next post touches on feeling behind in our 20's and was also created by one of out incredible community members 🙂
Again i want to thank you for sharing with the community your journey so far, and i want you to know the community is always here to support you.
I can't wait to see how your journey progresses.
