Depression
I have no idea how to use this website. A very unsympathetic online counsellor directed me to it. But hey, why not vent a little while I’m here.
I don’t want to exist anymore. It’s too hard. Every breath feels laboured. I’m seriously struggling with self harm. But nobody notices. My dad says it’s for attention and taunts me saying things like “do you want to be in a mental hospital” or “we know you’re doing it for attention” but I can’t stop doing it even though I want to. My mom doesn’t want be anymore. She’s moved me downstairs with some food so she doesn’t have to see me except for dinners. We have a really bad relationship. If my family and dogs didn’t exist I would end it all now. I know I need serious help, but I have no idea how to get it. I don’t have a therapist anymore because headspace kicked me out for missing an appointment (yes, really) and I have nobody except for my friends who are also extremely suicidal (lol like minds am I right). I’m also slowly falling back into disordered eating, so that’s lit. Anyway there’s that. Thanks for reading I guess.
Comments
Hi @CaitlinK1 , I hope that the last 3 years have healed you and you feel better. But if it has not, I hope that you realise that people (other than you parents, they seem like horrible people) want to help and that there are loads of online services (that are free and anonymous) and you could try those if you have not already.
Hope you are feeling better 🙂
Hi @CaitlinK1 ,
I'm sorry to hear that your experience with a mental health service was not a great one- have you been able to reach out to any other service yet? Would you like some guidance on that? We can guide you through the process if you like.
Let us know how you are travelling- hope you are safe!
Tay100
@CaitlinK1 Ugh I hate unsympathetic counselors..
At least you're here now though, everyone here's really nice.
That sucks... I'm sorry your parents are like that...
People who say things like that just... don't understand.
Headspace didn't want to help me either, though in my case it was for having the "wrong" disorder. They're helpful, but only when they actually let people in.
But the positive part of that is that I've been able to find a few other ways to get help. Would you like to explore them a bit?
Disordered eating is no fun. It's a thing I struggle with a lot.
Some people find the Butterfly Foundation useful, so that might be worth checking out.
Anyway, if you need to talk feel free to tag me.
Also things can get better. I promise.
Hi @CaitlinK1 ,
It sounds like you've been having a pretty rough time lately, and I'm so sorry that your Dad has been unsupportive - hearing taunts like that must've felt pretty awful when you were in a dark space.
There's a lot of other users here who've also struggled with self harm, you're definitely not alone, and there are ways to overcome it when you have those urges. The ReachOut youth website has some great resources on self-harm, including the different reasons that people do self harm, and stories from people on how they've overcome it - you can check those out here.
You mentioned that you're not wanting to exist any more, and I'm so sorry that you're sitting in that space at the moment. I just wanted to check if you're feeling safe right now? Do you think you have any injuries that may need to be checked out by a doctor?
I'm really sorry to hear that it's been hard to find good support. Do you have a GP that you would feel comfortable chatting to? One option to access help is to get a mental health plan through a GP, which can give you access to medicare rebates to see a psychologist or other mental health professional. Kids Helpline can also be a good option if you'd prefer to talk to someone over the phone, and a school counsellor or university counselling service can also be good places to get good help that you don't have to pay for.
We're glad you found this space -the community is here any time you need to chat. You don't have to go through it all alone.
@Janine-RO Hi, thanks for being so understanding, I’m physically fine. I think being in quarantine is making it a little easier to feel lonely as well, I just needed to vent because I haven’t had a therapist for a while. I’m going to go back to the doctors and visiting my psychiatrist again for an update on my mental state so I can try to deal with it better. Thanks heaps 🙂
Hey @CaitlinK1 , I'm really glad it helped to vent a bit here ! There's a lot of people here in the same boat with missing their usual supports in quarantine, these are really weird times, and it can definitely help to chat with people who get what you're going through.
Feel free to drop by here any time, there's also a lot of lighter games and chat threads if you ever want a bit of distraction 🙂
