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ERP
Hi,
I’ve never done this before so I’m kind of scared but I am starting ERP as a part of my treatment, and I’m really scared because I don’t want to do it but I still want to get better. I don’t know what to do and how to cope with it, and I’m kinda freaking out. I’ve been too scared to admit this to anyone because everyone expects me to be super willing to get better and do everything I used to be able to, but they don’t understand there way that my disorder has been the only thing I could hold on to for any sense of being in control and I’m scared to lose that. I don’t know who I am or what I like or anything about myself beyond treatment and disorders and I’m scared to find out. I don’t know how to get through ERP and I don’t want to but I have to because I can’t keep letting everyone down. I’ve never met another person who has had to do this so there’s no one who understands.
I don’t know what to do.
Comments
Hey @Cornflower_Bird
It sounds like you're feeling uncertain, as on the one hand you want to get better and all, but there's also the feeling that its scary to do this.
When I was having to do a lot of work to try and work through my mental health, I definitely noticed thoughts pop up/uncomfortable feelings around what it would feel like for me to not have this anymore. I guess, I also felt a bit scared of losing/changing my relationship with that 'part' of me.
Hi @Cornflower_Bird
First off, I think it is so great that you are working towards getting better and that you really do want to get better. I can totally understand how it might feel like a lot of pressure and expectation from those around you to get better, but in stressful times, I always remind myself that those who are in my life and those I enjoy being around are people who have genuine intentions with no ill feeling toward us, and so they are only trying to get what is best for us. ERP is obviously a big step in the treatment plan, and trying new things (especially something like ERP) is usually always daunting, so you are not alone in the way you feel. I think its important to look for the silver linings and understand that although change and new treatment is scary, in the end it is all to help you live more freely from your disorder.
I also think that nervousness/worry goes hand in hand with excitement. It all depends how you look at it. In this case, life beyond ERP and the disorder might be full of things you've always wanted to do but haven't been able to thus far. The possibilites are endless and you can be who you want to be.
I hope I wasn't too late to provide some (hopefully) encouraging thoughts, but if I was I hope the first ERP session went well.
🫶🦥
Thank you for sharing this, it must have been really hard.
I understand the feeling of being scared to lose your condition because it has been what you have known for so long. When i was 14 i was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and it took so long to find any treatment that worked. And when it did start working, i was scared. I felt like my condition was a part of who i am. I didn't want to continue the treatment because i was afraid of losing a sense of 'identity'.
The more i stuck to the treatment and the less the arthritis affected me, the more i could do. I could run again and i could up from a seat by myself and i could do so many more things i couldn't do before. The way i liked to view it was that i wasn't losing my condition, it helped to shape me into the person that i am today and helped me to appreciate the little things like being able to walk without pain. Is there anything that you are looking forward to doing again that the ERP treatment will help aid?
It is very scary and you are not alone; the way you are feeling is valid. Change is can be uncomfortable. Something that helped me as well was to write about or be creative through art to express how i am feeling. Is this something that would benefit you?
Like others have mentioned, it may be best to discuss this with your therapist as well if you feel comfortable doing so. They should be able to help you work through these feelings of being uneasy.
I wish you all the best with ERP treatment. 💛
Hey @Cornflower_Bird
Starting a new treatment is often extremely daunting. As previously mentioned, it could be really helpful to voice your concerns to your therapist. It’s okay and perfectly natural to have mixed feelings about treatment and getting better. As distressing as disorders are they can become normal after a while. Once they’re normal it can be hard to picture yourself without the disorder. It’s really hard to feel like you’re going to lose the control your disorder gives you. Hopefully through treatment you will gain a sense of control independent from your disorder.
The goal of any treatment is always for your benefit. Your treatment team think that ERP could be helpful. It’s perfectly okay to be scared but remember you won’t have to do it alone. You can also stop at any time if you really can’t manage but please communicate with your treatment team as they may have strategies to help make things easier for you. Ultimately, you are in control of your treatment. It might be helpful to focus on all the things you could gain from this treatment whilst acknowledging the things that you could lose. Are there any aspects of your life you’d like to get back if you could?
Getting better is scary. It means you have to craft a whole new identity and life for yourself. But it also means you gain true freedom. You won’t be dictated to by your disorder anymore and that’s huge. If you can, remain curious about what life beyond your disorder could look like. It’s hard but eventually you’ll see glimpses of what you want and what you could have.
I wish you the best of luck!
Hello @Cornflower_Bird,
Thank you for reaching out on the online community and sharing your concerns and uncertainties. It seems like ERP is a scary process of your treatment and it is more than normal and ok to feel uncertain, especially when it's hard for other to relate as they have not had the same experience with ERP.
You have already been very brave by commencing your treatment and your optimism for the final results is going to help you get through this difficult time. If you are comfortable sharing, what aspects of ERP are you concerned about? Is it uncertainty or is it just something new and unfamiliar?
What I can gather from your thoughts you have shared with us is that you have a lot of supporters in your journey who care about you and appreciate your bravery that you have already shown. There are some spaces on the online community (if you look at the top left of the page between 'feed' and 'guidelines') that may have had similar experiences with you and may be able to give you some advice, as well as our moderators such as @Marimo-RO who has already helped you out.
I have no doubt you will get through this, despite its challenges. I hope this helps you get a nice confidence boost in yourself! ❤️😁🥳
Hi @Cornflower_Bird!
Welcome to the ReachOut Youth Community!
Thank you for your courage in sharing what's been going on for you. Starting a new form of therapy as part of your treatment can be nerve-wracking and daunting. It also sounds like this experience has made things feel out of control as you've mentioned that your disorder has been part of your life for a long time. I want to let you know that you're not alone in feeling this way and that learning to let go of something that personal to you is not always straightforward. Nevertheless, it is fantastic to see that you're motivated to go through with the treatment for yourself!
I'm wondering if you've had a chance to talk to your treating clinician about your feelings towards ERP? Getting some information about the treatment could familiarise you to it and make it smoother to add to your treatment plan.
We also have some articles that may be helpful to you. Here are some on dealing with uncertainty and how to deal with change. We have an article here on how to manage anxiety and stress.
If you'd like to talk to someone one-on-one, Kids Helpline offers free 24/7 counselling over the phone or online.
I hope you find the support you seek!