Feeling Down
I don’t think I’ll ever find love. For me, relationships are like war. No matter what happens, they always abandon me in the end. All my friends go out and do things and get into relationships and like people that like them back and have fun and do stupid things with their best friends and instead of doing all that I’m just this mildly entertaining thing that people take an interest in once in a while but they wouldn't really care if it was gone.
. What do I do?
Comments
Hey @iamchappellroan,
That sounds really tough, and I can see why you’re feeling this way. It’s hard when it seems like everyone else is finding connections while you’re feeling left out or overlooked. It makes sense that this would be weighing on you, especially if it’s been happening for a while.
I just want to say that your feelings are valid, and you deserve relationships where you feel valued and appreciated. It can be really hard to believe that when it feels like the same pattern keeps playing out.
Outside of your friends, is there someone you’d feel comfortable reaching out to about how you’re feeling? Maybe a family member or a mental health professional who could support you in working through what’s on your mind.
I'm also wondering if there's anything you'd be able to do to take care of yourself in the meantime? When I'm feeling overwhelmed I find that small acts of self-care help me feel more grounded. Helpful things can range from going on a walk outside to spending some time at a new cafe.
I'm sending you hugs and wishing you the very best moving forward. 😊
Hi @iamchappellroan 💌
I hear you, and I am really sorry you are feeling this way. I know how painful it can be to believe that love will never come or that people will always leave. I have had those thoughts too, especially when I am feeling low. But something I have learned is that love is all around us, even if it does not always look the way we expect.
It took me a long time to realise that love is not just one thing. It changes, it evolves, and sometimes it ends - but that does not mean new love will not find its way to you. And most importantly, you have so much love within you already. Your time will come, because you have so much to give.
I know it is really hard to see that when things feel like they keep happening the same way, but I promise there is so much more out there for you. If it is possible for you, I really recommend talking to a therapist - I found that it helped me unpack a lot of the thoughts I had about myself and love. But if that is not an option, self-help or therapy books on relationships and love can be a great way to start shifting your perspective in a way that feels more accessible.
I know this all feels really heavy right now, but you are not alone. I am rooting for you. I have not found romantic love yet either, but I know I have so much to give to whoever meets me halfway. And I know that you do too.
Hey @iamchappellroan ,
Thank you for sharing this. I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling so low and having trouble with your relationships. Difficulties with relationships can be so hard to cope with. I certainly relate to those feelings of not being valued as a friend and that people don't care if I am there or not. It's an awful feeling, so I really feel for you.
There was one friend group in particular that I was a part of that really made me feel terrible, even though they weren't doing anything wrong - I just felt like I wasn't an important part of the group and was always so worried about not being valued. I ended up making new friends at university and stopped being a part of the previous group, which was really good for me. Finding new friends was only part of the solution though - going to therapy and working through some of my own issues was really important for my confindence and wellbeing too. I feel that if I reconnected with the original group now that I would have a much better time with them now that I have built up my own confidence. Have you considered seeing a counsellor or psychologist? Seeing a psychologist has been life-chaning for me, especially for my relationships of all kinds.
I think you'd be surprised by how many people care about you. I remember feeling that people wouldn't care if I was around or not, but in hindsight I think I was really being too harsh on myself becuase of my own self doubt and shyness, and it was not a reflection of how people really felt about me. It's so easy to focus on our own flaws when we know ourselves so well, but it really doesn't mean that people around us think about us the same way. Not that people's opinions of you are that important, but think of all the people you think positively about in some way or another - do you tell them how you feel all the time? Probably not. There are likely lots of nice things that people notice about you that they just haven't mentioned, and I'm sure so many people would notice and care if you weren't around.
As for finding a good romantic relationship, it usually takes time. I'm sure it looks like people around you just walk into great relationships easily, but it's really normal for it to take a while before you find a good match. As I mentioned, for me, therapy has been really key for helping me with my relationships, especially romantic relationships. It migh tnot feel like it now, but there is so much time for romantic relationships in the future. Your time will come! In the mean time, it would be really great to take extra good care of yourself and enjoy exploring your own interests. Love yourself the way you want your future romantic partner to love you.
There have already been some lovely links shared in this thread for you to look through. I'm sure you are valued by so many people, but at the very least I can tell you that you are valued by the ReachOut community, and you are welcome here any time! Best wishes 💛
Hi iamchappellroan (loveee the username),
Thanks for sharing, sounds like you've been feeling quite down lately and possibly a bit lonely or left out by people in your life. It must be a lot on your shoulders to be feeling like you don't mean anything and others don't care for you the way you want to be. I can promise you, you do mean something. For instance, we value you as a new addition to our online community and appreciate your inputs and engagement.
We have sent you an email, so have a look out for it! Otherwise, I wanted to share some resources you might connect with.
Creating meaningful connection:
Creating Meaningful Connections
Video: 9 ways to make meaningful friendships
Video: how to connect with others in a meaningful way
Making friends and meeting new people
Abandonment
Loneliness and Self-Worth
5 things to do if you're feeling worthless
5 steps to let go of feelings of unworthy
Video: watch this if you're struggling with your self-worth
What to do when you're feeling lonely
Do you have any family, friends or professional supports who you feel you can truly connect with?
-Riley 😄
