I am a porn addict and I need to change
Hey this is my fist time using this website so idk if this is what im supposed to be doing but I desperately need help. I have been watching porn since I was 10 years old. At the beginning it was just nude pictures and music videos of attractive women. now I am 18 and the content that im watching has become much more putrid and I am disgusted by a lost of the stuff I watch. From the ages of 10-17 I hadn't gone more than 4 days without watching porn and masterbating. however last year I did try to stop and succeeded for 10 days before turning to porn again this time even worse then before. I hate myself every time I watch porn but for some reason it is playing in my head almost 24/7. I then accepted my addiction which was the worst thing I could have done. My thinking was if I control it and not stop it it will be ok. This didn't work. I would watch porn less frequently but would use pay websites. I have spent thousands of dollars on porn in the last 2 months. Every time I watch porn I hate myself more and more. I have never had a girlfriend or girl friend and feel like I dont have a good relationship with women because of my addiction. Exercise, going to the gym and music help to distract me but eventually I think one more time or I will only look at this or for only 30mins but that turns into an hour and then 2 hours. I have been trying to research how to stop this but many of the methods only work short term for me. I am afraid of what my life is going to look like. I dont want to be an addict any more. I have decided I need external help.
Comments
Hi @Teal_Fly
How are you doing today?
Well done for sharing your story and reaching out.
First off I think something needs debunking, watching porn does not make you a bad person in anyway.
I know to a certain degree on how you feel because I’m going through a similar thing.
I absolutely understand how watching porn causes you to feel guilty and shame and you feel that it impacts your perception of woman around you.
I want to also say that you’re doing the right thing by trying to replace your habits with good ones (i.e Exercise)
Some resources to help:
As others have mentioned, please don’t give up, overcoming addiction often mean you’ll fall down many times before succeeding.
Great job that you told your parents I’m sure that may have been a tough conversation but I hope they’re supportive and understanding.
You are not alone and you have all of us here to support you every step of the way.
A quote that my friend said ‘It takes one step at time’
All the best
Tardis009
PERSONAL NOTE TO YOU:
I want to thank you for your post, as I said above. I’m currently going through overcoming porn addiction myself right now and I just wanted to thank you because I now know that there are others out there struggling with the same thing. If your interested to see my experience have a look at Past experiences [my post earlier this year].
Inspiring message that my friend sent me when I told him about my porn addiction Inspiring Message [I hope I’m not violating any rules by this link, only because it’s a social media post.
Hey @Tardis009
Thanks for the support. I really enjoyed the insperational video u sent thank u. I read through your Past experience and found it very inspirational. To be honest i read your post before creating mine when i first looked into this website. Your post insired me to get help and post on the website so thank u.
Hi @Teal_Fly
How are you feeling today?
I just wanted to chime in with some more support for what you are going through. It's so hard to be struggling with porn addiction and for such a long time. I hear that you have noticed yourself spiralling with your addiction and that it's getting worse than before, that you've been having these thoughts go through your head all the time with nothing working for you so far. Hating yourself for what you're going through is such a difficult experience, and we're glad that you came to us for support. Porn addiction is very real and you're not alone in your experiences.
We're glad to hear that you have decided that you need external help. It's clear that you want to change and that's an important first step on your journey. @Pete-RO has mentioned some potential avenues for professional help, like speaking to your GP or Kids Helpline, the latter of which has content on pornography use and would be an avenue for you to speak to someone confidentially. Is there anyone else in your life you feel comfortable opening up to about this?
I also wanted to flag some potential apps that you could use to track your recovery journey from this list. One app not mentioned on the list is Brain Buddy, which serves as a website blocker for pornography content. I wonder if one or more of these apps would help you in the meantime while you're seeking external support? What do you think about these approaches?
We're also sending you an email to check-in, so please keep an eye out for that.
Hey @Pete-RO
Im felling good. I told my parents about my addiction. We have decided that i need to get profesional help. I have been looking into the apps you provided and will definetly be downloading Victory and Brain Buddy. I am definetly considering using Kids Helpline but would also like to speak to a GP before trying anything.
Thank you for the support.
Hey @Teal_Fly , I can hear from your words how out of control this situation feels, and how exhausted you are towards yourself because of it.
I wanted to add to Pete's post and point out how much of a strength it is to identify it as an issue and put so much thought and effort into it.
I also wanted to say that please do not feel discouraged by your past attempts appearing not successful. When dealing with addiction, lapses can often occur throughout the journey to recovery and feel so damaging as it can make you feel like you lost all your progress. But the little changes are so important in this journey, and I hope you don't feel discouraged by future lapses.
It looks like Pete has already provided a lot of information on professional help, so I hope all goes well in finding the external help you were looking for. Please know you are not alone in this difficult journey up ahead, and stay strong.
Hey @DDandy
Thanks you for the support. I am going to get professional help and fight my addiction. I told my parents about my addiction and they are helping me to get help. Thank you for the support and kind words, i wont be discouraged again.
Hey @Teal_Fly
Thank you for reaching out on the Forums and having the courage to share what you are going through with other Community Members!
I am hearing a strong desire to change your behaviours and grow and develop as a person and in relationships. That is amazing insight to have about yourself in the present and having concerns about what your future is going to look like. And addiction is a very tough thing to deal with on your own and I congratulate you on taking steps already to deal with it.
Have you contacted Kids Helpline to speak to someone for a chat or to have sessions with a Counsellor? They can be a really good place to start to have conversations you can't have with other people in your life. Speaking with someone there could give you the knowledge to cope with or change your addiction with support on your side.
Another way to get some support would be to speak with a GP and get a Mental Health Care Plan and referral to see a Psychologist or Counsellor who specialises in your addiction. Do you have a GP of your own or a family GP that you could make an appointment with?
There is also this resources from ReachOut that you might find helpful to gain some understanding around addictions: What is addiction? | Addiction | ReachOut Australia
Your distraction techniques of going to the gym and listening to music are really great steps in controlling your addiction. I encourage you to continue using these and reaching out for support here on the Forums and else where. You have demonstrated such resilience and courage talking about what you are going through and I believe in you that you can overcome your addiction. A brighter future with your thoughts about yourself and creating meaningful relationships is within your reach.
Thank you again for reaching out here on the Forums!
Take care
Pete-RO
Hey @Pete-RO
Thank u for the support. I relised that i need external help so i told my parents. It was completly humiliated but felt good to finally tell them. We decided that i should be getting profesional help. I think i will use KidsHelp but would like to consider other options before. I will be speaking to my GP as soon as possible. I understand that this process will be long and difficult but cant wait to start and learn how to deal with this feeling.
Thank you for the support and helpfull resources.
Hey Teal_Fly,
Thanks for opening up about what you're going through.
It's good to hear that you seem fairly motivated to control and stop your porn addiction, and that you've put effort into doing some research and trying some of the recommended methods.
Although I'm no expert on this, I do have suggestions based on the experience of a guy friend. While exercise itself may not be enough to stop the addiction, I've generally heard that compared to not exercising, it helps, so I think it's a good idea to still keep up regular exercise. In the meantime, I think maybe you can try sharing with close friends about what you're going through and possibly starting a no-porn challenge with friends. It's possible that being in competition with a friend with the same goals may more effectively help you resist the temptation. It can also be useful to set a reward for yourself. Say you start with a goal or no-porn AND no-masterbation for two weeks and succeed-reward yourself well. Then, set a higher goal and reward yourself well if you meet that. Hopefully, this can help train you to associate no-porn/no-masterbation with reward. (In the meantime, I've heard that while you are holding off from no-porn/no-masterbation it actually gives you more energy to do other things)
Hope this helps!
-Greenfern
Hey @Greenfern
Thanks for the support. I dont really have many friends that i fell close enough to to discuss this with but have bit the bullet and told my parents. We have decided that i should go see a professional psychologist or somone to talk to.
Again thank you for your support this has been the motivation i needed to tell my parents and get professional help.
Hi @Teal_Fly,
I'm so glad to hear this! It's brave of you tell your parents and it's great that they seem to be supporting you.
Wishing you the best of luck🙂
