I want to get better, I think.
I'm new here, but I'm not knew to online help communities like this, I've been trying to get help and start getting better, but the main problem is every time I find a help communitie everyone on it seems to be so much more hopeful or getting better, and I just feel like I could never get there, like I could never find those small victories or do all those small health care activities. I'm always happy to see people are doing well and getting better, but it makes me feel lazy, that I'm not doing the same. What do I do about this?
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Hi @Spring_Mink
Firstly, welcome to ReachOut! I hope we can be the community you are looking for.
I think it is absolutely fantastic that you want to get better, and we're all here for that journey. I can understand that seeing people around you that might've been going through similar struggles or are also just experiencing hardship get better at a faster pace or seem like that things are working out better for them than for you can be troubling.
However, I think it is important to remind yourself that you are living your own life, and people have their own pace. I was just talking to one of my friends about their academic life, as they feel a bit disappointed that they are taking longer than the minimum duration to complete their degree. I had to put things into perspective for him to understand that everyone's circumstances are different which allow them to grow/progress at a completely different rate to others around them.
So while the Earth keeps spinning and the people keep on passing by, which may seem really fast at times, I think its important to remind yourself that any growth or progress is a sign of success. It helps to recognise this by remembering to treat yourself for these small victories. I see that you mentioned that was something you found a bit difficult. So I propose that the next time you do something you think is working towards this goal of getting better, treat yourself for it. No matter how small. During stressful periods of my term, I find it hard to take time off academics to do other activities, but even if its as small as me taking my dog for a walk, I'll treat myself with a little ice cream or go buy a new shirt 😅. I hope these small rewards can be what motivates you to keep getting better!
Wishing you all the best and I hope to hear soon about how you are going!
Hey @Spring_Mink
Welcome to ReachOut! I hope this community is able to provide you with support.
It’s understandable to feel discouraged when everyone seems to be getting better and you’re not. I’ve spent a lot of time feeling like things would never get better. They did in the end, but I would never have believed you if you told past me. I found it helpful to start with one activity. For me, a big one was fixing my sleep schedule. In fixing my sleep schedule I had more energy to do other things. If you can, find the thing that is impacting you the most and do sometime relatively easy that might make a difference. For example, if you have a lot of negative self-talk, you could shift it into more neutral self-talk.
You can slowly build habits up over time. It’s so much better to do things slowly versus doing to much, feeling like you’ve failed, and then giving up all together. You don’t need to believe things will get better for them to get better. Other people can be hopeful on your behalf until you’re ready. You just got to keep trying the best you can. You aren’t lazy if you’re actively seeking out ways to help yourself. As other community members mentioned, it may be worthwhile speaking to a professional for additional help.
Hey @Spring_Mink
Firstly, I wanted to wish you a very warm welcome to the ReachOut Community; we're so happy to have you here! And secondly, I am so proud of you for reaching out here; it can be quite daunting opening up, but you have done it, which is just stunning. I also want to take the opportunity to say that I am really proud of you for trying to get help and start getting better.
Finding online support communities is a great step towards getting help/healing ourselves, but I can deeply resonate with joining such a community and seeing everyone being very hopeful/positive/optimistic/getting better and feeling like you can never reach that point or find those small wins and do self-care activities consistently.
Our healing journey is not linear; it takes a lot of effort and consistency, among many other things. It can be a really intimidating process, that is getting help/getting better, and perhaps it may even feel overwhelming just thinking about where to begin. Whatever you are feeling, please know that it is very valid and you are not alone.
While I may not know what you are specifically wanting help with/how you want to start getting better, I do highly recommend looking into speaking with a GP or a mental health professional.
I would also like to add that small victories/self-care can look different for everyone. Things like getting up out of bed, eating a meal, brushing your teeth, or even going to sit outside for 10 minutes can be considered small victories/self-care activities. Yes, these are small things, but doing such things consistently may help you feel better. It's also important to listen to your mind/body and set boundaries/limits for yourself.
I hope this has helped a little bit.
- Matcha_Toad 🐸🍵💚
Hi @Spring_Mink,
I want to start by thanking you for your post and welcoming you to the online community, it's really amazing to have you here 🙂
I also want to start by commending you on your endeavour for your own well-being. From what I have read I can see that you care so deeply about yourself and your mental state, it's really incredible to see.
Reaching out and discovering different and new online communities I can imagine can be both a beautiful and tiring experience. On the one hand, you are making new connections and seeing lived experience and on the other, it's easy to start comparing yourself to other people and their experiences.
I want you to know that it's ok if you find yourself comparing yourself to others you're only human, however, I want you to remember that your experiences are valid and each human being is unique with their own desires and strategies for self-care. It's important to not compare yourself to others and know that sometimes we might do things at our own pace and not have it all figured out. It's more than ok you go at your own speed 🙂
From what i have read i can see that connection and human experience mean a lot to you, and that's really amazing to see. I want you to be so proud of yourself for going on this journey of exploration and connection and know the whole community is here to support you.
I'm wondering if you've been able to seek support and what that might look like for you, whether its from friends or family, or professional such as a counsellor?
I also want you to keep an eye out for an email we'll be sending you 🙂
All the best.
