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Idk what this post is but may have Tw so yeah

I feel broken, I feel like I can’t be fixed, like I’ve tried to talk to counsellor and therapists and peer workers and nothing helps I’ve tried so many things to try and stop everything I feel but I doesn’t help I feel so alone and broken like my brain doesn’t work properly and my parents just keep telling me that they are worried about me and I don’t know what to do I feel so empty and numb and I hate this feeling and

Spoiler
the only thing that slightly makes me feel better is hurting myself but I can’t keep doing it cause it’s bad

 but nothing else helps 

am I broken ? 

Marron_Mammoth
Marron_MammothPosted 24-05-2024 01:28 AM

Comments

 
Lapis_Anteater
Lapis_AnteaterPosted 25-05-2024 01:46 PM

Hey @Marron_Mammoth

 

The way you’re feeling is completely understandable. I felt similarly to you after spending years in treatment and not getting better. I’d see my peers who were also struggling get better and began to believe that it was impossible for me to get better because I was fundamentally broken. Honestly, I never thought that I would get better. I did in the end (still find it surprising).

 

The thing is there are so many things that contribute to mental illness. Each contributing factor needs to be addressed and that takes time. For me, I really needed to be accurately diagnosed and medicated. I went through a concerning number of mental health professional before finding one that actually helped me. Even though you might not feel like things are better, by looking after yourself and talking to professionals you will chip away at the things that are hurting you.

 

See if you can find a therapist that you like and that you feel is on your side. The therapist-patient relationship is typically the thing that is the most helpful (regardless of the type of therapy they do). Getting better takes way more time than is tolerable, but you deserve to be happy, so you need to try and continue fighting. If you keep trying, eventually things will get better. Like statistically speaking, it is impossible for every single therapist and strategy to be unhelpful. You just have to find what works for you (definitely a frustrating/tedious process but it’s worth it). You are not broken.   

 
mw24
mw24Posted 24-05-2024 10:12 AM

Hey @Marron_Mammoth , thank you for reaching out. It can be really hard to open up about feeling this way (I know from personal experience!), and I am proud that you have been able to share what you're feeling here.

 

It's really good that you've been able to identify that hurting yourself is not a healthy 'coping' mechanism. Here's some ReachOut articles on self-help for self-harm and ways to manage self-harm urges that may be useful to have a read through. I know that self-harm can be an addictive behaviour so it's a positive step forward that you seem to be able to recognise this and want to change/stop this behaviour. 

 

Firstly, you are not broken. I understand how overwhelming and heartbreaking it is to feel as if you won't ever feel okay again, especially after seeking support and feeling like you've done all the 'steps'. Unfortunately, feeling okay can be a process, but I truly believe you can get there. It's really good that you've talked to some professionals already - have any of these talks been a little bit helpful?

 

Secondly, I found it helpful to understand a bit about my brain when I felt particularly low/'broken'. I'm actually studying psychology in university right now, so bit of a scientific talk coming up! I have struggled with depression for many, many years and I also found that talking to professionals didn't always help me. Through my studies, I have learnt about the different chemicals in our brain. Sometimes, our brains just don't seem to absorb/hold on the chemicals that make us feel happy. This can lead to a chemical imbalance. Although this chemical imbalance is a sign that our brains aren't functioning in the same way that many other brains are functioning, this is not a sign that we have a broken brain or will never be able to absorb/hold onto the chemicals that make us feel happy. Does that make sense? And just in case you want a better explanation/find this interesting, here's an external article on the chemistry of depression (it's not entirely boring - I promise! But as a psych student, I am a little biased ahaha).

 

It sounds like some self-care activities could be helpful - I recommend looking at this article on how to do self-care and scrolling through these suggestions on different self-care activities. Do you have any activities that you enjoy doing? I understand that it can be hard to feel motivated or excited about things when you're feeling like this, but it can really helpful to try doing some things that have brought you joy in the past. For example, I really enjoy reading and I make an effort to read a bit every day. This is reminds me that I am not broken (especially if I read something with characters who have been through similar experiences to me) and it's an important part of my self-care practice. How does practicing some self-care sound?

 

I really hope that I've been able to provide some reassurance/comfort. I promise you that things can get better - it won't always be easy but it can happen. I hope you feel comfortable to keep posting in ReachOut's forums so we can support you on your journey 😊

 
 
Marron_Mammoth
Marron_MammothPosted 25-05-2024 03:13 AM

No nothing has help not even talking to anyone and your things do make sense but a part of me tells me that y

es other people can get better but me and I don't know why I do that 

 
 
 
mw24
mw24Posted 25-05-2024 08:37 AM

@Marron_Mammoth it is possible for you to feel better. As I said, feeling okay is a process! Right now it sounds like you're at the beginning of this process where it does feel too overwhelming and hopeless. But this means you've started the journey and in time you can start feel better.

 
Erin_RO
Erin_ROPosted 24-05-2024 09:46 AM

Hey @Marron_Mammoth

It sounds like you have really been going through a difficult time sitting with some big questions and heavy emotions. It makes sense that you might be questioning your capacity to feel better when the support you are seeking isn't really helping you improve. I'm curious if you have ever been connected with a GP or Psychiatrist in the past and whether you found that helped answer some of the big questions you have? I can also see that the concern your parents have for you can feel like more pressure on you. Have you been able to be really open and honest about how you're feeling with them at all? 

Thanks for being so honest with us about you hurting yourself. The realisation that you know this won't help you in the long run is a huge acknowledgement and as Lemon_Dolphin said, I hope you do feel really proud about this realisation. I'm curious if you have any 'go to' strategies to help you manage these thoughts of self harm when they come up for you? We also have a few threads about that  here here  and here . I'd love to hear what you think about some of these strategies and whether you might want to give any a try. 

 
 
Marron_Mammoth
Marron_MammothPosted 25-05-2024 03:14 AM

No I don't have anything 

 
 
mw24
mw24Posted 24-05-2024 10:14 AM

Hi @Erin_RO , just letting you know the links to the various strategies haven't connected properly!

 
 
 
Stormy-RO
Stormy-ROPosted 24-05-2024 11:49 AM

Hi @mw24 thanks for letting us know! I've fixed that up for @Erin_RO now 😄

 
Lemon_Dolphin
Lemon_DolphinPosted 24-05-2024 09:11 AM

Hey @Marron_Mammoth 

These feel like some difficult emotions.

You're right in saying hurting yourself won't help in the long run and I think you're incredible for realizing that.

It sounds like you've tried a lot of things to help and that in itself is amazing. I'm so proud of you for that.

I understand a lot of what you've written. 

Sometimes even when things aren't working, we need to keep trying and looking after ourselves. Have you got any self-care you can practice?

Also something I've found helpful is checking out different healthy ways to get dopamine and searching for the things that give the good feelings, even if it's only for a short time.

Keep fighting. You've got this.❤️

 
 
Marron_Mammoth
Marron_MammothPosted 25-05-2024 03:11 AM

Hey @Lemon_Dolphin thank you and no I don’t I haven’t found anything to help honestly and I really don’t know what to do 

 
 
Marron_Mammoth
Marron_MammothPosted 25-05-2024 03:11 AM

Hey @Lemon_Dolphin thank you and no I don’t I haven’t found anything to help honestly 

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