Re: Secretly bi with homophobic parents
I know I'm like 3 years late to this discussion, but I am having a similar problem. I'm bi, prefer boys though (I'm a girl) and I brought up one of my friend's sisters who had a girlfriend when me, my dad and my mother were shopping.
He started mocking her and joking about it, and I'm not sure whether he will react to this well. Both my brother and my sister are homophobic too, so I just don't know what to do. I also told my bestfriend that I was bi, and she simply laughed and said, "Funny joke, you're not bi." which has stopped me from telling anybody else.
If you did tell your parents, how did they react? Did it go well?
Thanks x
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ago, and I have come along way since then! In the past 9 months or so I
realised that I actually prefer girls waayyyy more than guys. So first of
all, I think it’s important to understand that your sexuality can be fluid
and change, and who knows, one day I might flip the other way.
I haven’t told my parents, but I have told my oldest sister. One night in
January 2017 my brother and dad were talking shit about same sex marriage
(which, at the time, had not been legalised in Australia) and, after
defending it right up to the point of crying, I just couldn’t take it
anymore and left the room so they wouldn’t see that I was upset and
‘accuse’ me of being gay. It’s little things like these that let you know
that perhaps it’s not the best point in time to tell them. However, I do
think it’s important that you tell somebody. For me, it was my oldest
sister who is my favourite person in the whole world, she has really
progressive views and suppports everything LGBTQA and, like me, was very
vocal about it. So on that night in January I left the room and just
started freaking out, crying and being genuinely terrified about the future
because there was no one I could trust. I couldn’t keep this bottled up
inside me anymore so I just had to tell my sister, which I now realise I
should’ve done a long time earlier. We went for a walk and were gone for
hours, just talking about sexuality and everything Iike that. And as it
turned out, she was also queer and had gone through similar things to me.
She told me her coming out story to her closest friend and describe it as a
huge weight being lifted off her shoulders. It was an awesome experience,
and now I’m glad that I have someone to vent my problems to instead of
keeping them to myself. This I think is really important. Tell somebody
close to you that you know you can trust and will take it well. Now I can
call her anytime my family or anyone else is getting me down.
I have decided not to tell my parents in the near future because it’s
simply none of their business. I have never told them anything about my
‘love life’, even if I was involved with a boy. So, why start now? I am 18
in November and will be heading to University next year, where there will
be so many more LGBT people than in high school. When I’m there I’m going
to fully express myself and my sexuality and not care what people think. If
my parents find out, so what? If they see that I’m treating the matter as
very casual and not a big deal, hopefully they will do the same. I just
don’t want to create a hostile environment at home because of this.
So, my advice to you would be to tell someone you can 100% trust. This
takes the weight off your shoulders and gives you someone you can be
yourself around. If you feel comfortable telling your parents, great! But
do not feel obliged to tell them, after all, it’s YOUR life and YOUR
business, not theirs!
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. It sucks when we don't feel supported by those closest to us. Both @Starlight03 and @Jess1-RO have offered some excellent advice. I would also recommend QLife as a service as they are great in discussing things like coming out to parents and peers and so on.
Another thing that can be really helpful if possible are LGBT+ groups. They can be a great way of finding a supportive community that can help you with these feelings.
I was wondering, did you tell your friend how her words made you feel?
Another thing I wanted to add is, like @Starlight03 mentioned, you don't have to come out if you don't want to. A lot of people talk about coming out to their parents or peers and the good or bad but it's also okay to not come out to them if that is what you want.
I hope you're having a good week 🙂
Hi @hiddenpath123, I’m sorry you’re going through this, i understand it can be hard when you feel as though you’re no supported by your parents. I wish I could help with this by sharing my own experience, but unfortunately, after a lot of careful thought on the subject I decided that telling my parents wasn’t necessary in my situation, so I don’t have a story to share. But everybody is different and if you feel it’s important to tell your parents I really encourage you to do so. Timing is everything in these type of situations, and i encourage you to take your time and only take steps you are comfortable with. If you have any other questions I’m happy to help
Hi @hiddenpath123 and welcome to ReachOut! Thank you for talking to us about what's happening in your life - it takes a lot of courage to make your first post and I hope you find that here you are among people who have been there and that you are not alone.
I am sorry to hear that those around you have not been supportive and understanding, particularly that first conversation with your best friend. I hope you can feel that this forum is a place where you will be supported 
@Starlight03 has shared some really great advice here.
I just wanted to add that ReachOut has some resources that may be helpful here about coming out and talking about sexuality with family and friends. You might also find Qlife helpful to talk, they also have an online chat from 3pm and helplines here.
We are always here to lend an ear and offer support 
