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TW. Advice or support or something please hlp

Hey all, this is really stressful for me to because I don’t like opening up or even asking for help but it’s getting to much..😔

 

 

Here’s a lol into what’s going on right now…

 

 

For the past 6 months I have been trying to fix my mental health issues and get it back on track before it got to bad… but recently I lost my bestfriend because of something I still don’t know… maybe it’s because I wasn’t good enough to keep a friendship or didn’t deserve them… it doesn’t matter… I’m used to it happening but since Tuesday I’ve been trying to fix my mental health and be strong but I keep having these really bad thoughts about hurting myself… Yesterday I asked my mum for help because it’s getting worse… I’m not happy anymore… when I’m awake I wanna be asleep… work used to be a distraction but it’s not helping anymore… all I think about is hurting myself and I know that’s a bad thing…

 

 

I haven’t slept longer then 20 minutes for the past 3 days… I have gone back to not eating much anymore and I feel like I’m just getting worse… I am safe at the moment but I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.

 

 

 

Lost_lonely_kitten03
Lost_lonely_kitten03Posted 01-09-2022 07:11 PM
 
 
 
 
 
Dem--RO
Dem--ROPosted 09-09-2022 09:25 PM

Oh no @Lost_lonely_kitten03 I'm so sorry that she unadded you as a friend, but it's really good that you can brush it off and not let it get to you. With everything that is happening for you right now, this speaks volumes about how strong you are as a person.

 

Please keep us posted on how you're feeling, and if you're able to have a chat with your best friend over the weekend, let us know how it goes.

 

Hopefully having your teddy-bears to cuddle will help you get a little sleep tonight 🐻💞🐻

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_lonely_kitten03
Lost_lonely_kitten03Posted 09-09-2022 10:17 PM

It’s okay.. It was kinda my fault because I got to clingy again and kept messaging her.. but I’m learning on ways to get around that. At least I can still see her at work💜

 

I don’t really think of myself as strong… but I know that I am💜

 

I will definitely keep you guys updated on how I’m feeling… honestly right now I feel numb.. I think it’s because I’m so worried about my nana and her health that I’ve blocked everything else out.. but I’m okay right now… because no news is good news right? I’ll definitely keep you updated about my talk with my best friend 

 

I love my build a bear teddy called Rubie-Rose… I got her back in July when I was friends with my ex best friend so she means a lot to me and she always beings me comfort when im feeling down.. I am going to try and get some sleep now… so im all settled down with my 17+ teddies for the night😂

 

 
 
 
 
 
Dem--RO
Dem--ROPosted 09-09-2022 11:03 PM

Hey @Lost_lonely_kitten03 You're doing so great at taking care of yourself tonight 💖

 

It's understandable to feel numb, you've had a really tough couple of days.

 

Try to get some rest, and we look forward to hearing from you over the weekend 🌻

 

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_lonely_kitten03
Lost_lonely_kitten03Posted 10-09-2022 08:13 AM

Good morning💜

 

I am just checking in to let you guys know how I am feeling today..

 

To be honest I’m feeling proud of myself because I slept all the way thru last night. I didn’t wake up until this morning… however I’m still feeling numb and I feel like I’m gonna lose everyone around me again..😞

 

I’m really worried about my nana… I really wanna go see her but I’m not allowed to😞

 

However on a brighter note my mood seems to be a bit better today… however I did just wake up sooo imma wait and see how my mood is later💜

 

I just wanna say thank you for letting me express my feelings on here💜

 
 
 
 
 
Courtney-RO
Courtney-ROPosted 10-09-2022 06:30 PM

Hey @Lost_lonely_kitten03 Thank you for checking in with us, we always love hearing from you! How are you feeling today? What have you been up to this weekend so far? 😊

That is so wonderful to hear that you were able to sleep through the night! That sounds like it would have been such a relief after all the trouble you've had recently. I am so glad to hear that you're proud of yourself @Lost_lonely_kitten03 You deserve to be proud after all the hard work you've put in recently.

I am sorry to hear that you're feeling numb though and like you're going to lose everyone around you. I can imagine just how heartbreaking and awful that would feel, especially with everything that has been going on with your nana. Do you mind me asking why you're not allowed to see her? I just want to remind you that no matter what happens, you will always have us 💜

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_lonely_kitten03
Lost_lonely_kitten03Posted 10-09-2022 08:19 PM

Hello again!!

 

I am feeling okay today… I don’t know how to explain it but I haven’t felt bad bad today… so that’s a plus..

 

I went to see my granddad today and spent a few hours there..

 

Tomorrow I’m changing my room around🥰

 

Im so proud of myself for sleeping thru the night… I only woke up once but that we only to make sure my family was okay.

 

I however had a bad thought just now because I heard about a train accident and I knew my “friend” was on a train today so I started freaking out. However I got a reply so I know it’s not her.

 

Im still feeling kinda numb and I still feel like I’m losing everyone but I know it’s just my mind trying to trick me..

 

Its really heartbreaking to see my nana as sick as she is😞

 

Im not allowed to see her because she has really bad symptoms of COVID and she’s tested posture to it again… only the nurses and doctors are allowed to see her😞 I just wish I spent more time with my nana and granddad😞 but it’s hard when I work every day😞

 

Im glad I will alway have you guys💜

 
 
 
 
 
Courtney-RO
Courtney-ROPosted 10-09-2022 10:27 PM

That's okay @Lost_lonely_kitten03, feeling okay is much better than bad bad. Sometimes we just need to focus on taking it one day at a time and remember that any improvement, no matter how small it may seem, is still improvement. 

It sounds like you've got an exciting weekend planned! I love rearranging my room. Sometimes its really nice to freshen up your space and change things up a bit. What's your favourite thing about changing your room around? Seeing your grandad today sounds like it would've been fun too! Do you get to see him often? 

Hearing about the train accident would've been so scary! I can definitely understand your worry, but I'm glad to hear that your friend is okay. I'm sure they really  appreciated you checking in on them.

I'm sorry to hear that you aren't able to visit your nana at the moment because she has covid. Do you think they might let you visit once the symptoms aren't as bad? I know its not the same, but do you think they might let you talk to her on the phone, do you think that could be a possibility?

I know its been really hard for you these past few days, so I was wondering if there is something you can do tonight to get your mind off things?  

I also wanted to say that I saw you mention your teddy's earlier and I wanted to say that I love teddy's too! I actually have a build-a-bear named Huggles 😇

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_lonely_kitten03
Lost_lonely_kitten03Posted 11-09-2022 10:47 AM

Hello.

 

So sorry about the late reply I was having with my family last night when I got home😅

 

Today is a bit hard with the thoughts but I’m feeling okay.

 

Being about to make my room my own personal space. I love moving my lesbian and pride flag around😊

 

I loved seeing my granddad yesterday but unfortunately I don’t get to see him often because of my work schedule😞

 

I had a panic attack when I heard about the train accident and until I heard from my friend I was worried but as soon as I heard she was okay I calmed down.

 

I spoke to my nana on the phone yesterday but she started crying and unfortunately I won’t get to see her until she’s at home because of the COVID restrictions at the hospital.

 

I was talking to my friend last night and it helped me keep my mind if things.

 

I have 2 build a bears. Ones name is Rubie-Rose and the other one is Cuddles. Rubie-Rose is my favourite. She’s a rainbow sprinkle bear and Cuddles is a Sunset kitty. I love them both but Rubie-Rose means a lot to me because I got her when I was friends with my ex best friend.

 
 
 
 
 
Dem--RO
Dem--ROPosted 11-09-2022 12:28 PM

Hey @Lost_lonely_kitten03,

 

I'm so glad that you were able to speak to your nana over the phone yesterday, and I'm sure it really lifted her spirits too! 💞 Same with spending time with your grand-dad, it sounds like it brightened the day for both of you 🌞 And I'm glad your friend is ok as well.

 

It's so nice that you have your room as your own little sanctuary with your bears and flags 🐻😺🏳️‍🌈 Have you put up any of your drawings?

 

Please keep an eye out for my email, and thanks for keeping us posted, we really appreciate it 💜💛 What are your plans for this week?

 

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_lonely_kitten03
Lost_lonely_kitten03Posted 11-09-2022 02:55 PM

It was really good to see her but it broke my heart when she started crying😞

 

It was a really good day and it brightened my day so much. And me too, I’m glad my friend is safe and wasn’t any where near the train accident.

 

I unfortunately put my room rearrange of until next week because I saw my granddad, uncle and nephe today. And I’ve thought about it but I’m not sure.

 

I just replied to the email. And I’ll continue to keep you guys updated.

 

My plan for the week is work. I’m working 8-4 tomorrow, then 10:30-4 Tuesday, then Wednesday, Thursday and Friday 7-4, then I’m going to visit my granddad on Saturday.

 
 
 
 
 
Dem--RO
Dem--ROPosted 11-09-2022 03:30 PM

Thank you @Lost_lonely_kitten03, we really appreciate you keeping us updated 🤗 and it's ok to put the room rearranging off until next weekend, it will give you something to look forward to!

 

I'm really glad that you were able to spend time with your family over the weekend, and plan to visit with your grand-dad on Saturday. Seems like you have a busy week at work, so at least it will go fast 😀

 

If anything comes up for you, either with your nana or with that work-friend, please reach out and have a chat with us 💗

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_lonely_kitten03
Lost_lonely_kitten03Posted 11-09-2022 04:51 PM

Hello. Sorry for the late response.. I’ve been in my room crying for the past few hours…😞

 

Its hard having to say goodbye to my nephew not knowing when I’m going to see him next… but it’s not only that that’s made me cry…

 

A lot of things have been on my mind today… mostly about my nana not getting any better… she seems to be getting worse…😞😞

 

Its been hard because I keep overthinking everything… especially when I feel like I’m being lied to…

 

Plus I really really miss my ex best friend and I am missing her more and more every second… I want that friendship back but it’ll never happen…

 

However on a brighter note I haven’t had those thoughts yet so I guess that’s a good thing..

 

Just wanted to let you guys know I’m feeling today.

 

I definitely do have a busy week ahead😂

 
 
 
 
 
Taylor-RO
Taylor-ROPosted 11-09-2022 11:00 PM

Hi @Lost_lonely_kitten03

 

I am sorry to hear that things are really upsetting for you at the moment. It must be hard having to say goodbye to your nephew.. and also to be worried about your nana. That is a lot of stress and sadness on your plate. Your family sounds like they are really special to you so it is understandable that you are feeling this way Heart Missing an old friend is a really tough space to sit in, especially when you tried everything to make it work. I really feel for you right now.

 

As you mentioned, it is great that you haven't thought about self harm, although things are really tough right now. How have you been managing everything going on at the moment? 

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_lonely_kitten03
Lost_lonely_kitten03Posted 12-09-2022 05:43 PM

Hello. Sorry for not replying sooner. I was having me time and fell asleep last night… then I had work this morning.

 

However I got a message from my mum today when I was at work and it made me cry… the doctors don’t think she’s gonna make a recovery..😞 that broke my heart so much but I had to play it cool.

 

I see her at work but it’s hard because we don’t get to talk outside of work… but at least I still see her💜

 

My family means the world to me and I love them

to pieces. I’d do anything for them

 

I haven’t been managing it… I’ve been ignoring it… making myself numb from the pain that I know is there… I keep saying it’s a bad nightmare and that imma wake up soon to everything being normal again but it isn’t a nightmare… that message from my mum today proved it… it’s breaking my heart because I never spent time with my nana😭😭

 
 
 
 
 
Taylor-RO
Taylor-ROPosted 12-09-2022 07:23 PM

Hi @Lost_lonely_kitten03

 

I am really sorry to hear about your nana. It must have been so upsetting to receive that text from your Mum 😞 I can hear just how important family is to you so I can understand why you're in a lot of pain right now. You mentioned that you had to play it cool. What would it be like for you if you were able to share how you're feeling with your Mum?

 

We know that emotions can be hard to ignore and it doesn't make them go away, at least not in the long term. Feeling your emotions can be tough so it's important to look after yourself. Is there a way you can be even a little bit kind to yourself tonight?

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_lonely_kitten03
Lost_lonely_kitten03Posted 22-09-2022 04:17 PM

Hello!! 

im so sorry about the long delay on replying… my life has been a bit busy lately. Here’s a quick update on everything..

 

My nan seems to be doing a little better… my mum finally got to see her today!!

 

I officially have reached 26 days sober from alcohol!! 

I officially left my toxic ex in the past

 

Although it’s been hard I’ve been trying my best not to think about sh. And it’s helped until I tried to help my friend out and let her stay at mine for a while and she lied to my face…

 

Each time I see my ex bestfriend at work I cry a bit because I miss her but she still gives me cuddles. 

It’s been a massive struggle lately but I can honestly say I’m proud of myself for not following through with my thoughts🥰

 
 
 
 
 
Courtney-RO
Courtney-ROPosted 22-09-2022 05:59 PM

Thanks for keeping us updated @Lost_lonely_kitten03 we always love hearing from you!

It sounds like you have been really busy lately and have lots to celebrate right now! From leaving your ex in the past to having to see your ex bestfriend at work, it sounds like a lot and I really want to say well done on handling it so well. I think that shows just how strong of a person you are.

That is such great news about your nan too! I can only imagine how much of a relief it must be to hear that she seems to be doing a little better and that your mum was able to go and visit her. Do you think you will get to see her soon?

And Congratulations for reaching 26 days sober 🥳 That is such a HUGE achievement! Do you have any plans to celebrate this milestone? 

I'm sorry to hear that your friend lied to your face though, especially after you let her stay at yours for a while. That sounds really hurtful. Would it help you to share more about what happened or maybe even write it down somewhere? I find that writing things down helps me get things off my chest and takes some of the hurt and worries away. Do you think this might be something you would be interested in trying?

I know these thoughts have been really hard for you, so I was just wondering what kind of things have you been doing to distract yourself from them? I just want to say that you are doing such a great job @Lost_lonely_kitten03 We're so glad to hear that you're proud of yourself, you deserve to be proud after everything you have achieved so far 💜

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_lonely_kitten03
Lost_lonely_kitten03Posted 22-09-2022 07:26 PM

Hello!! 

I have really been busy lately… I’ve been working away from my home store a bit and it’s been nerve wracking but I feel like I’ve successfully completed that task🥰 I did have a few panic attacks but I worked on my breathing and managed not to stress to much…

 

It was really hard to let go of her but I had to and I’m glad I did… the baby steps count right?

 

I am so relieved that my nana is doing a bit better and glad my mum got to see her… honestly I’m not sure if that’s gonna happen any time soon… the doctors are saying that she’s going to be in hospital for 6 months😖

 

I am so proud of myself for reaching 26 days sober… although it hasn’t been easy… and not really… I’m planning on going away for my 20th birthday soon so that’s kinda the only celebration I have planned for reaching it.

 

It’s okay… I had a feeling that she was lying to me so it didn’t really bother me… what bothered me is the fact that she told me that I’m worthless and deserved everything that’s happened to me… I’m struggling with that right now… I’ve started to write things down and it’s helped a bit… but I just kinda feel lost and confused about that situation… it’s hurting me a lot more than I thought it would..😖

 

I’ve been in the middle of making playlist on Spotify and it’s been helping me with distracting myself from those thoughts… not to mention that work takes up most of my time😅

 

All I can say is that I can’t wait until December when I go on holiday for my birthday🥰

 
 
 
 
 
Courtney-RO
Courtney-ROPosted 22-09-2022 11:06 PM

Working away from your home store sounds like it would have been a nice change, have you enjoyed it at all @Lost_lonely_kitten03? I always found it so nerve-wracking working at another store too, so I can definitely relate, but it sounds like you have done such a good job! 👏 While I’m sorry to hear that you experienced a few panic attacks, I want to say well done on focusing on your breathing and trying not to stress too much. I think that is amazing to hear and I think that in itself, is something to be really proud of.

I also want to say that letting go of an ex can be incredibly hard so baby steps definitely count!

That really is such great news about your nana but I’m sorry to hear that she could still be in hospital for another 6 months. I can only imagine how hearing that would have made you feel. As she is staying there for a bit longer, I am wondering whether they might consider giving you special permission to go and visit her. Do you think that might be an option at all?

I am so sorry to hear that anyone could say these things to you @Lost_lonely_kitten03, especially not someone you considered your friend. That would have been so horrible to hear, I can certainly understand why it has made you feel so lost and confused. Though I am glad that writing things down has been helpful. I just want to say that you are really important to us and we think you are worth soo much! 💜

Going away for your birthday sounds like such a fantastic idea after all you've been through! Do you have any ideas of where you would like to go or what you would like to do? 😊

 
 
 
 
 
Iona_RO
Iona_ROPosted 14-11-2022 12:43 PM

Hey @Lost_lonely_kitten03

Thanks for the update! It's really great to hear that although you're feeling fragile at the moment, you've still been able to find ways to look after yourself and cope. A really fantastic strength you have 👏

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_lonely_kitten03
Lost_lonely_kitten03Posted 13-11-2022 05:48 PM

Hey… It’s been a while since I’ve been on here…

 

A lot has happened since I was last on here… I thought I should do a little update…

 

I lost my online bestfriend a few days ago and I’m trying to move pass it but it hurts… I thought she was the one who would always be there but I guess people lie about that all the time.

 

I think me and my bestfriend are more then just friends but I’m still not sure… however I like being the one she wants and needs to see… even if it has to be in secret… At least I get to see her and for those few minutes I get to see her she makes everything better for a little bit. She makes me feel wanted and needed… I’m glad to have her in my life🥺

 

I have officially came to terms with the fact that I’m not gonna be good enough for a lot of people but at least I am good enough for a few people.

 

I think I’m very fragile with everything right now… especially with things happening right now but I’m coping well I guess…

 
 
 
 
 
Dem--RO
Dem--ROPosted 31-10-2022 10:55 PM

Hey @Lost_lonely_kitten03

 

Good to hear that you are feeling better about yourself since coming out and have started rockin' a new wardrobe 💛 and keeping on-top of your self care is awesome as well!👏

 

Sorry to hear that the December trip has fallen through, but at least you know in advance and can make some other plans for yourself. 

 

Its good to know that you're feeling safe, do you still have your room safe as well? When you mention about not feeling enough for anyone, did you want to expand on that a bit?

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_lonely_kitten03
Lost_lonely_kitten03Posted 31-10-2022 07:59 PM

Hello!!!

 

It has been a while since I have updated you guys!! So I thought now that I have a chance to I’ll update you all!!

 

I have felt so much better in myself since I came out… however I did come out as Demi-girl and I feel like that suits me more!!

 

I have started wearing both Masc and Feminine clothing and it has really hopes boost my confidence!!

 

The bestfriend situation is still very complicated but I have started to just go with the flow and see what happens… all I know is that whatever is going on with me and her right now I love it!!

 

Work has been so busy and I have been working so much… I’ve been sleeping even more cuz of the stress and hours of work but I have still managed to do self-care!!

 

Like on Sunday I went to the movies and watched “Don’t Worry Darling” with a family friend and had an amazing time!!

 

I can say that even tho I have had some sh thoughts it hasn’t been every day… although a few times it has happened because I feel like I’m not enough for anyone anymore…

 

Sadly I’m not going away in December anymore because I’m kinda fighting with my online bestfriend… that’s a very complicated situation too..

 

However with everything that is going on in my life… I have managed to take another step into my Maccas career!! I’m so proud of myself for doing it!! 

So there’s a update that I haven’t done since my last one!! I just wanted to let you all know that I’m safe and sound!!

 
 
 
 
 
Courtney-RO
Courtney-ROPosted 20-10-2022 11:43 PM

Hey @Lost_lonely_kitten03 thank you for keeping us updated, we always love hearing from you 😊

Firstly, I want to say well done on coming out as non-binary! That really is such wonderful news and we can only imagine how much of a relief that must be for you. You should be so proud of yourself, I know we are!

I'm sorry to hear that work hasn't been a very good distraction though and that you've been neglecting self-care. Being able to recognise that and acknowledge it is huge in itself. But it's also important to take time out for yourself too, because you are even more important!

It can be really hard when you have never really experienced love or being loved, but it sounds like your friend has been really supportive and that's really great to hear. Though I can only imagine how hard and nerve-wracking it would have felt telling her.

It sounds like there has been a lot of good and exciting things happening recently. How are you finding it all? I know you mentioned earlier that you have been neglecting self-care, but I think with everything that's going on, you deserve to do something nice for yourself. You deserve to take a moment for yourself to remember just how far you've come and just how well you're doing 💜

 
 
 
 
 
Lost_lonely_kitten03
Lost_lonely_kitten03Posted 20-10-2022 05:31 PM

Hello!! Sorry for only just replying. I saw that you had replied… I just didn’t have time until now😅

 

I’ve kinda became a workaholic at the moment… as I’ve been using that as a distraction… it isn’t a good distraction tho… I’ve kinda forgotten to put myself first and I’ve neglected self-care a bit…

 

I am however sleeping so much better… today I woke up and was in a good mood all day… especially when I was able to see my bestfriend/girl I love…

 

I’ve never really knew the feeling of being in love or being loved because all my relationships have been toxic… but I know that she likes me back but it’s complicated… like I told my friend at work today… I’d rather us stay friends then get into a relationship and it ends messy… she’s the only one who knows what’s happened in the past… 

 

I was so nervous to tell her at first but I did manage to work around it to tell her. And I honestly felt relieved after I told her. Especially when she said that nothing will change between us… but it did only because her family don’t like me very much… but that’s okay… not everyone is going to like me…

 

I wish I knew why I can’t get over these feelings tho…

 

However I have some great news!!! I have officially came out as non-binary!!! So that stress is off my shoulders now

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