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TW: Chat - Vent

Hey, 
I've had a session with my psych today. It was definitely interesting, but it was not what I thought we were going to discuss. 
I have an appointment with my psychiatrist at 4 pm. 

Fun day of appointments lol. I planted a rhubarb crown and some strawberry seeds before I left, so I look forward to them growing soon. 

I'm not feeling that great. Would anyone be around for a chat? 

I'm safe after the appointment, so I will go home and cook dinner. I'm not sure what to cook yet. 

I'll call KHL if necessary. I'm sorry if I'm being annoying or needy. 

Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 17-07-2024 03:38 PM

Comments (6 pages)

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 21-07-2024 02:12 PM

Yes I will very much. 

Thank you. I'm feeling much the same today. I have done some washing and getting ready to go to the football. I hope Carlton win. 

Thank you for saying that. It means a lot. I just find connection and talking really important and helps me feel less sad and alone. 

So far, it's good. Oh really, I will have to wait and see. I can't remember, but once I start watching it, I'm sure I will. 

 
 
 
 
 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 23-07-2024 03:28 PM

Hi @Red_Flamingo i've been logged out for a couple days now, so just checking in!

 

I hope you had fun at the footy, I don't follow AFL so you'll have to update me on whether Carlton won or not 😂

 

How are you going today and what have you been up to? 💜

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 23-07-2024 04:30 PM

Hey, 
Nice to hear from you. 
I haven't been the best, to be honest. 

I've done some uni prep for next week and gone to see the older person I volunteer to see. 
How are you?

 
 
 
 
 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 23-07-2024 05:29 PM

Sorry to hear you're not feeling too great. It sounds like you're keeping busy though which is really good. Your volunteering sounds really cool, it's so nice to just spend time with people. What kind of thing do you do for the volunteering?

 

I'm doing ok today. It's my second day back at uni and honestly i'm already feeling pretty exhausted and overwhelmed by the work load. Fingers crossed i'll settle back into a bit more of a groove soon. It's my last semester of my undergrad degree though, so that's exciting!

 

Have you got anything nice planned this week that you're looking forward to or enjoy? I'm thinking I might need to organise something nice for the weekend for self care and to boost my energy a bit.

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 23-07-2024 05:35 PM

Thank you. I don't know why I've been feeling so down the past week, well, extra down than normal. I see my psych tomorrow so that's good. I just don't even know how to explain it all. 

No not really we just sit and talk for an hour and that's about it. 

I feel you. I hope your workload becomes more manageable with time. 

That's exciting, what are you doing next year, do you know? 

No, not really. I am going to the football, but that was a planned event long ago. I don't know what else I'll do. 

What do you do to help boost your energy and self-care?

 
 
 
 
 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 24-07-2024 04:28 PM

I'm sorry your feeling a bit extra down this week. I know how horrible it can be to feel this way, i'm sending lots of care your way 💜

How did your psych appt go?

 

Thankyou, i'm going to apply for honours in a couple months so hopefully I get into that. I guess it's kind of a one year add-on to the bachelor's degree so it's kind of between an undergrad and postgrad qualification.

 

Going to the footy sounds fun, Carlton is your fave team, right? Are they playing again this weekend? Last time I went to an afl game it was freezing, so I hope you stay warm!!

 

For energy and self-care my favourite thing to do is to cook something really nice. I made a veggie lasagna a few months which was fantastic so I want to make that again this week. I'll probably make some extra too and freeze it so I can have it for lunches over the next couple weeks. One of my other favourite self-care things is to walk to a cafe near my house, grab a coffee and then go for a walk. I like to listen to some music or a podcast or audiobook or something at the same time, so I'll also try do that this weekend too!

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 24-07-2024 05:55 PM

Aww, thank you. 

Yeah, it was good. We talked about my aunt and how she upset me with the neurodivergent stuff, and he said that could be why I have been feeling so depressed. He said I went in, retreated, and self-attacked. This then has lead to SI thoughts, which is scary. I'm safe, by the way. I'll call KHL if I need to. I'm just about to get dinner. It's crazy how something can trigger me so much. It's been such a hard week, and I really don't want the rest of the week to be the same. 

Carlton did win last week, so that was good, and yes, they play on Saturday, but Carlton's main ruckman broke his foot and got a punched lung last week, so that's not good. 

Yes, I have thermals, a top, a jumper and a waterproof coat. 

I do like cooking as well, but sometimes, with depression, low energy and motivation can make it hard to do anything. That's a good idea to make a big batch. 

Do you like Taylor Swift? 

 

 
 
 
 
 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 26-07-2024 10:21 PM

Sorry for the late reply @Red_Flamingo  !

 

Its great that you got to talk about all that stuff with your psych, it sounds like you've got a lot going on at the moment. I can totally understand how you'd be pretty shaken by your aunt bringing up stuff about potentially being neurodivergent. I can understand that it would feel very strange to have someone try to tell you something about yourself, especially if they didn't communicate it sensitively. 

 

I hope that your week has been getting a little better these last couple days 💜. I'm sorry about the SI but glad your safe. I really get what you mean about not wanting the sadness to linger. When i'm in a depressive episode i always find it really hard to believe that things will ever get better again. It's really tough to see outside of the sadness when your depressed. Things always get better though, even if it takes a little while. Keep hanging in there.

 

And yes, I like Taylor Swift!! She's been at the top of my spotify wrapped every year for the past five years at least 😂

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 26-07-2024 10:54 PM

Hi 

Good to hear from you. All good you are busy with uni.

Yes it was and I also got to talk about the neuro stuff again today with the outreach lady so that was good.

She still hasn't text me back after k texted her on Wednesday about going over it again. My psych thought it was quite odd how she left it so open and then the conversation was over. 

Yeah, the outreach lady thought she didn't communicate it the best. I do wonder where she got her counselling qualification from sometimes with the way she has said thing to me. I remember last year when we saw each other it was much better but this year it has has been so different. She does work for the MH company we have been talking about so I'm unsure if she is biased due to that, but I would hope not as that's not fair on me. 

No not really it has been a real struggle. Yes SI isn't fun I wish it would stop. I'm still safe. And yes, that is good I am. 

Mmm that is true, but I feelI've been in a very long period, about two years now, of being depressed, but it gets better and worse. I don't think I have clear depressive episodes like some people do, where they cannot function at all for some time.  I suppose sometimes I am high functioning, but it's a real worry when I do start to neglect self-care, cooking, cleaning and uni. That's why I'm worried about uni going back on Monday and then working a couple of weeks after that. It's just going to all be too much with how I am currently feeling. I've struggled to cook, clean, etc. I just wish,I could have a reset so to speak and then go into next week confident and wanting to study to do my best to set my self up for a good first half of the semester. I just don't want my depression to get in the way of uni and work. 

Nice did you go to the eras tour at all. I went it was so good. What do you think of TTPD?

How has uni been? I hope you are doing okay.

I'm just on my way home from Carlton losing to Port Adelaide they played well in the second quarter and that was it. It was so bad. 

 

 
 
 
 
 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 27-07-2024 04:21 PM


It’s good you got to chat with the outreach person about the neurodivergent stuff too! It sucks that your aunt hasnt been putting effort into communicating with you though, especially after she brought up a pretty big topic like that out of the blue. I think it’s great that you’re getting the chance to talk to a few different people about it all though, I think that can really help with processing things. How are you feeling about the neurodivergent suggestion now, does it resonate at all or not so much? 

 

Uni is going ok so far! Im definitely still adjusting to beint back for the moment though. Your uni semester starts this week right? I really get what you mean about it feeling like everything is just too much at once. I think a lot of people underestimate how difficult it can be to juggle full time study, part time work, and all the other life admin things you have to do as well. And all of that just becomes so much tougher when you’re struggling with your mental health. Im so sorry that you’ve been going through it all for so long. I feel like sometimes when everything gets to be too much something it really helps me to try and keep some kind of routine going, especially with the time i go to sleep and get up in the morning. Also trying to keep up a routine with eating food and drinking water at various points in the day too so i dont forget. I always tend to underestimate how important sleep and food and water are for my energy levels 😂Are there any coping strategies you’ve tried before which help when all the life tasks start to stack up?

 

And yes I went to the era’s tour! I had the best time and it was absolutely incredible! Did you get to go? As for TTPD, i really like it! It took a couple months to grow on me but i there’s so many song i love on the album. 

Oh no!! Im sorry Carlton lost, that’s a real bummer ☹️

 

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 27-07-2024 05:24 PM

Yes it was good to talk about it. Yes my aunt did. I just texted her we both sent a screen shot she didn't get it for some reason though I definitely texted it to her. We are going to talk tomorrow about it. 

I honestly don't know if I am all around it yet. it's very confusing. 

Yes I start Monday I am looking forward to it, but I'm worried as I have a headache and feel light headed and hope I'm not getting a cold. i did a covid test and that is negative. 

Yes, I will definitely be trying to have a routine as best I can. It also depends if I work and finish at 8 then it will be a bit harder to manage. 

I just take things one step at a time and try and work out what is the most important and work in a systematic order, kind of like a traige system. I am used to that with work. 

I did too it was so good. Yeah same I really like it to. 

thanks they didn't play well so that's why. 

What are you up to?

 
 
 
 
 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 28-07-2024 05:32 PM

That's good, let me know how you go chatting with you aunt today! Honestly that's really understandable that you would feel pretty unsure about her suggesting that you're possibly neurodivergent. It's great that there's so much info available now about neurodivergence but it would for sure be pretty confusing navigating all of that for the first time. I'm glad you've got your psychologist and outreach person to chat to about it all.

 

Hope your feeling ok! Being sick absolutely sucks, especially in the cold weather. I had covid a couple weeks back and am still getting over it now. It's good that your negative though! I have my fingers crossed you get better soon for the start of uni!

 

I know what you mean about work and routine with uni though too. This semester I'm doing uni at the start of the week and then I have work in the second part of the week. It's kinda nice to section it off like that, but it's also always really hard to transition back into uni after having a couple days at work, and also to keep on top of uni work when I have a couple of work days in a row like that. A triage system is a great idea though, I might have to try doing that this semester too actually. I also think that idea of a triage system would definitely encourage you to just do one thing at a time too, and work through things methodically.

 

Ive had a quiet day today mostly! I went for a drive with my sister to get a coffee this morning from one of my favourite places which was nice. I went to see the new despciable me movie with my friends last night too 😂. There were so  many kids and parents at the cinema so we felt a little out of place but I actually really enjoyed it 😀

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 28-07-2024 08:50 PM

Hey, 

It was okay. I still don't fully believe what she is talking about, and yes, it is very confusing. Yeah, so am I even discussing it today with KHL?

Yes, I'm feeling much better today, so that's good. 

Nice, at least it's in chunks. I'm the opposite; I work either Monday or Tuesday, and uni is on Wednesday. Thursday and Friday and then work either Saturday or Sunday. I will work for two days. 

Yeah, I like the triage system, and yes, you can then do things one at a time. 

That sounds fun. The movie is so good right. I went with my parents when I went to visit them it was so funny. I don't think it should matter how old you going to the movies. 

Do you have a busy day tomorrow? 

I have an online lecture and a in-person lecture at the same time so I will go to the in person one this week but once work starts I will have to watch them both online later. 

 

 
 
 
 
 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 30-07-2024 02:39 PM

Hi @Red_Flamingo ,

 

I'm glad you're not sick, and are feeling a bit better!

How did you go with chatting with KHL a couple of days ago? 

 

Your weekly setup for the semester sounds nice! That way you get a bit of variety if work and uni are kind of scattered across your week. I also agree that working 2 days a week is a good combo to pair with full-time study. That way you've still got a couple free days to catchup on uni work/socialise etc. How's your first couple days back at uni been?

 

I've had a busy couple days with uni! It's been nice though because i've had a couple coffee catchups between classes with uni friends I haven't seen in a while, so that breaks the day up in a nice way 😊. I'm feeling pretty tired energy wise so I've been trying to take it easy though! I spent a couple hours last night knitting in front of the tv, which is one of my fave me-time/self-care combos.

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 30-07-2024 03:19 PM

Thank you so am I. I didn't want to be sick for first week back at uni.
It was good we talked about my aunt and the neurodivergent stuff.

Uni has been good so far. The physics unit is very hard though. 

That's good you have seen your friends.

That sounds fun what do you knit?

 
 
 
 
 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 30-07-2024 05:44 PM

Glad that uni is going well so far for you! Ugh physics does sound hard. I vaugely remember physics from year 11 science and that was horrible so I can't even imagine how rough uni level physics would be haha. That's super impressive that you're doing physics at uni though!

 

I'm knitting a scarf at the moment and I'm doing red and blue stripes which is fun! I also just finished up a jumper a couple weeks back so I'm looking forward to wearing that out and about too 😁.

 

How are you going today? Have you been up to anythng much? 💛

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 30-07-2024 05:54 PM

Yeah I haven't done any physics since year 10 and I was hopeless at it. I defienfly prefer biochemistry and chemistry. 
that's nice a scarf is always good. 
I've just been doing some study and seen the older person I go and volunteer to visit. Mentaly same same depressed lol. 

 
 
 
 
 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 30-07-2024 06:40 PM

Absolutely agree, physics is in my opinion the worst of the sciences. Remind me what you're studying again, I remember it's something science/health adjacent?

 

I've been studying today aswell 🙁, how's your course load looking this semester?

 

Sorry about the same same mental mood. You're so right though, after a while, feeling that way absolutely does start to feel a bit "same same depressed lol" 😂.

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 30-07-2024 06:44 PM

Yeah so hard and very abstract.

yes a double degree health science/science.

its okay i have four units. Three days a week plus some online lectures I will watch on a Monday night as its on when i will be working. 
yea it really does feel the same same very annoying. I wish it wasn't like that. 

 
 
 
 
 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 30-07-2024 07:10 PM

Agreed. There's something which is inherently more challenging about studying something in science which you can't physically see, or really conceptualise concretely. Your degree sounds cool though! I feel like there's so many different possible career paths you could go for.

 

I get what you mean about the mood stuff. I'm sorry it all feels so constant for you. I'm sending lots of care your way 🌹. Please try to take it easy on yourself and make sure you take some time to do a bit of self-care or something fun.

 

What are you having for dinner tonight? I think I'm going to reheat some leftover veggie lasagna I made a couple days ago. Also, when are you starting your new job?!!

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 30-07-2024 07:19 PM

So true. I can see chemistry and biochemistry when doing experiments.

yes many pathways which I like. 
thank you it has been hard. I just wish it wasn’t so constant. 
yeah I’m just watching some tv after having beef stroganoff for dinner. 
Lasagne sounds good. 
I have orientation next week on Monday and then the week after I will do more orientation and start work the next day. So the 12th and 13th. I start at 7 am on the 13th and the week after that Monday and Tuesday are 6:30 ahh. 

 
 
 
 
 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 30-07-2024 07:26 PM

That's awesome that they're giving you proper orientation and training for this new job! My most recent couple new jobs haven't really included much training which was insanely stressful while I was getting the hang of things. At least you'll get the chance to learn things before you actually start doing the job 😂. Yay so exciting though!

 

Omg 6.30am is such an early start 😳. I used to do 6.30am starts sometimes when I used to work in hospo and I remember feeling so tired, even with the coffees I would make myself at work!! There's also something really nice about being up early though, see the sunrise etc.

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 30-07-2024 07:31 PM

Yeah I’m happy I will be ready to start and will do some buddy shifts and be good to go. 
oh that’s not good. Can you ask for my training? 
yea it will be but at least I will finish early. Yes it is nice in the early hours but I’ll be inside I doubt there will be any windows around I’ll be in a hospital. 

 
 
 
 
 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 31-07-2024 05:24 PM

I really should've asked for more training at the time, the problem is that i've taught myself everything I need to know now through trial and error 😂. Oh well, the way I see it is that is an employer isn't going to train me properly, they can't be upset when I inevitably make some mistakes haha.

 

That's all so exciting though! Have you worked that kind of job before?

 
 
 
 
 
Red_Flamingo
Red_FlamingoPosted 31-07-2024 06:08 PM

Ah yes I know that feeling. I do hope you won’t get in trouble. I ended up getting fired over it. 
how has your day been. I got up at 6 went for a walk have my physics lecture at 8:30 and then did some more physics study and had lunch at uni they had food on campus I got dumplings and a ham and cheese sandwich. 
then I went off to see my psychologist which was good. I’m just getting some take away for dinner sweet and sour chicken yum. 
yea I have in a way I worked in the cafe at a hospital were I worked and I would cross over and see what they do. 

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