- Subscribe to RSS Feed
- Mark Topic as New
- Mark Topic as Read
- Float this Topic for Current User
- Bookmark
- Subscribe
- Mute
- Printer Friendly Page
TW: Feeling Sad
I don't know what's happened. The past couple of weeks have been going pleasantly well. However, all of a sudden, since last night, I've been feeling more depressed and lacking in energy and motivation. I'm feeling really sad, and I'm crying as well. I don't know what I've done wrong. I thought things would stay okay, but I'm definitely wrong. I feel like I'm failing so much. I can't muster up the strength to keep pushing through or something. I wish this pain inside me would go away, and I don't understand why I'm sad when I don't have anything to be sad about. I also feel pretty alone, but when don't I, right? Well, I guess that's the same for the sadness too. Ahh, I'm so tired of my feelings. They get too much for me.
I'm safe. I don't have any suicidal thoughts.
I had my session with my psych today. It was a hard one. He mentioned since getting to know me that, I feel emotions deeply, and when I unintentionally hurt or upset someone, I feel that deeply. He said it about being neurodivergent. Does anyone know anything about that? The neurodiverse Woman, I think.
It was hard when he expressed that the past few days have been challenging and the change from going to my parent's place and around all my friends and family to back at uni. Since Monday last week, I've only seen my uncle and psych. His spotlighting and validating that is hard for me.
However, he said I’m letting my guard down more and warming up to him, so that's a positive. He also asked if I've had suicidal thoughts since Sunday when things started to get worse, and I said no. So he was happy about that. We're trying to be cautious; however, I have the next three weeks with one day's worth of uni each week, gym, bike riding, Lego, art and watching TV. I need some more structure in my day, so I'll try to devise a plan for what I can do. Without work, I have more time for rumination, which could make my feelings worse as I'm not seeing people. Being on my own really sucks.
Sometimes the hard sessions are the most helpful. Being neurodivergent definitely has its strengths and weaknesses. Did he mention a specific neurodivergence or was it more general?
I’m really glad he was able to provide you with validation, even if it was hard to hear. It does take a while to get use to people so it’s really impressive that you’re already making progress with him. Routines can be helpful to counteract rumination. I tend to get a bit to ridged when I try to follow specific routines, so I find it easier to have a more approximate/flexible routine.
Sometimes just being in places where other people are around can make you feel less alone (provided it doesn’t make you anxious).
Oh yes, definitely. Um, no, he was just talking about how neurodivergent was fit around men and how he was looking into the brain of a neurodivergent woman (a podcast he sent me) and said he thought I would relate to that as I feel my emotions so deeply. Nothing else. He said when something upsets me or if I know I've upset someone, I feel it a lot, which isn't a bad thing. I'm not sure what it has to do with being neurodivergent, though.
It's so hard. Today, we were talking about why things have been so hard the past few days. I got a couple of shocking emails (which he said shock could take some time to wear off, and that's why I have been sad since Sunday, being back here at uni, being alone, also the rumination around the past with looking at my old photos, and a few other things I can't really mention. Not SI.
Oh, I won't make it ridged. I think I'll plan a few things I can do throughout the week and see what happens. I won't be like 10 am. I have to be for a walk, 12 pm lunch, 1 pm reading, 2 pm out to a park. It will depend on how I'm feeling that day and the weather.
Mmm, maybe, but I don't mind being around people, but I wouldn't like to sit in a crowded cafe alone. I feel embarrassed when I go to things that I'm on my own, which makes the feeling of being alone worse @Lapis_Anteater .
Hey @Red_Flamingo
That’s really interesting. Have you managed to have a look at the podcast? Feeling your emotions deeply can be really helpful, it’s just not the best when it’s predominately unpleasant emotions.
That sounds like a lot to deal with all at once. All the seemingly small things can add up pretty quickly. I’m glad you haven’t had any SI. That’s such a big thing.
Taking into account how you’re feeling, and other factors will definitely make it easier to stick to a routine.
Yeah, that’s fair. Eating by yourself when it’s crowded can definitely be uncomfortable, I personally hate it. I was thinking more something like going to the library or a shopping centre. Places where other people are around and it’s also common to go alone. People watching can be fun.
Have you been up to much today? How’s the routine going?
I looked at the website my psych sent, but I forgot to watch them. I had a look, but they go for so long, lol. Yeah, it's not very good when feeling sad. It's weird, though yesterday and today have been alright so far. I'm unsure what happened on Sunday to Wednesday and why I was feeling so down. Yeah, it is a good thing. It's not been easy having them so often and as intense as I did have. Yes, people-watching can be fun.
I woke up at 5 am this morning when a bird woke me up. I had to keep my window open for fresh air, which was so loud. Then I had to use the bathroom, but to leave my room, there were so many bright lights, so I woke up even more. I tried to go back to sleep for about half an hour but didn't get far, so I got up. I applied for a food services job. I previously held a job like that before moving to admin. I was in food services and have my Cert II in kitchen operations. The job looks pretty easy and stress-free for similar pay and hopefully less crying after work. I would go home most shifts and cry at my old job. Yesterday, I did a painting, but it looks horrendous. I also went to the gym and spoke with my regular at KHL. I'm going to head to the gym shortly and come back, read my book, have some lunch and maybe try different artwork.
What are you doing today?
Hey @Red_Flamingo
That’s completely fair. I’m really glad things are starting to pick up a bit.
Birds are so loud for no reason. I don’t know how they manage to achieve the volume that them reach. Having to use the bathroom and not being able to get back to sleep is the worst. I hope you can find a suitable job. There’s no point working somewhere that makes your mental health worse. It’s great that you a qualification and previous experience! It sounds like you’ve been doing a lot of healthy things!
I was just working on an assignment and later I’m going to hang out with my partner.
I know, so random. Yeah, well, the whole floor is full of super bright lights, and so are the bathrooms. I wish they could be turned off, but I don't think they can.
Yes, I'm quite lucky to be able to go to different fields for jobs. I've been quite blessed with the opportunities I got back at home to learn so many different skills. I will be forever grateful. I miss the job I had at the diabetes centre. The nurses and all the other staff really liked me. I would go back in a heartbeat if I could.
What is your assignment on @Lapis_Anteater?
I hope you’re able to find another job that is just as good.
One of the assignments is a health behaviour case study and the other is a research proposal.
That sounds exciting @Lapis_Anteater are you enjoying the task?
Yeah, it’s interesting. Part of the criteria for one section isn’t clear at all. Luckily some brave soul asked on the discussion board, so I now know what to do 😊. How’s your subject going?
Ah that's always good @Lapis_Anteater
Yeah not to bad. I'll get onto the next bit of content this week. I might start the essay plan too soon so I can get it done. It's just the 1st of Jan.
I just got my invoice for next year @Lapis_Anteater
$1500 yay. I'll have to dip into my deep savings for my house I have which I don't want to, but I might have to 🙁
Oh, wow that’s a lot of money. It’s really unfortunate to have to dip into savings, but it is good that you have savings to dip into. How was your weekend? Did you get up to much?
My rent is $305 a week.
Yeah, I guess. I really don't want to. I had to take some things I bought back as I needed the money. I'll have to try to use up as much food as possible in my freezer.
Mmm, it's been a bit up and down. I've been so lonely. I saw some family for lunch yesterday, but once I got back to uni, I started to cry again after talking to my parents. If I had not seen them, the only person I would have seen is my psych, which is so sad. How can I not have more people to see and talk to? I don't know when my friend comes back.
It just sucks. I seem to sit down and start crying over nothing. I don't even know why I'm upset or sad.
How about yourself? What have you been up to? @Lapis_Anteater
Rent is too expensive. Oh no. I’m sure you’ll be able to rebuy them in the future.
It’s good that you were able to see your family, but it really sucks when they leave and you’re by yourself again. Is there any acquaintance you’d like to get to know better?
It’s really frustrating when you can’t work out why you feel bad. You can’t really do anything to fix it because you don’t know what to fix.
Things have been alright. Just a bit tired. Didn’t really get up to anything interesting.
Yes, it is annoying rent. Yeah, I hope so.
It was nice to see them. No, not really. I only have one friend who is at home. He is at least three hours away by train @Lapis_Anteater
Ah fair enough. What have you got on this week?
Do you work?
Hey @Red_Flamingo,
Sorry to hear that today is so hard right now. I'm glad to hear you've been catching up with family. Having your friend far away must be a challenge, and not knowing when he will come back is tough.
It's much easier when you know so you can look forward to it. Dealing with that uncertainty can make it feel further away than it might actually be. Can you think of anything you can do in the meantime to take care of yourself?
Hi @Nymeria-RO
Yes, it has been, thank you. Seeing them was nice, and I had a few good laughs. Yes, he said it could be a week or two, but there is no specific date. I'm returning home for Christmas on the 20th, so I would ideally like to see him before then.
I only have to look forward to seeing my psych on Wednesday and going out for dinner with my aunt. Nothing else this week. My life is so dull and lifeless.
I've got my artwork, reading, bike riding and going to the gym.
Today, I'm on the hunt to find Valhalla ice cream. It's a Tasmanian ice cream, and they exports to the mainland. It is the best ice cream ever. It's already 27 degrees here, so it's warm today. I haven't done anything today other than having breakfast. I've been looking up fidget rings as the ring I have on my finger moves around a lot, but it's not a fidget one, so I'm trying to find one I might like, but I probably won't get one as I need to save my disappearing money. I wish I could get a job. Oh, actually uni results come out tomorrow, so that's good, I guess.
I'm good, I got back Friday from my trip and I had the most amazing time. Words cannot describe it, and the experience you have is just incredible. I absolutely loved it. I am a bit tired and getting myself back into a routine but that shouldn't be too long.
How are you?
Hey @Rara
So good to hear from you.
What did you do while you were away? Can you name the one most exciting thing about the trip?
AH yeah, fair enough. What are you doing today?
I'm alright right now. It's been up and down the past few weeks. I'm going to go to an art shop today to get a couple of things.
You wouldn't believe yesterday I was going to go for a bike ride, but my tires were flat, so I went to pump them up, but my pump broke, so I spent over an hour trying to get it to work. Anyway I called my dad and he tried to help over facetime I ended up going to a 7/11 as they have a tier thing there which eventually worked it was hard to get the pump into the trie as it was dead flat in the end. Anyway, after copious amounts of grease and sweat, I got it done. I never went on a bike ride. In the end, I was over it after two-plus hours, lol.
I might go another day this week. It looks very cloudy, and I think it's supposed to rain today.
Do you have any more uni for the year, or are you done?
You looking forward to Christmas.
I couldn't just name one thing, we did so much community work and seeing how they live is fascinating, it makes you feel grateful for the bed and house you have.
Today I am catching up on some errands and I am back to work this evening.
Good work, you never gave up even if you never ended up going for the bike ride but now it's prepared for your next one.
I've finished uni for the year so I have a lot of free time at the moment haha still got another 2 years to go.
I am definitely looking forward to Christmas, my parents are hosting and it will be the first time in years that all my family will be together. What about you?
That's really great to hear @Rara
Yeah, I know how you feel. I've got one summer unit, but it's not too difficult.
Yeah, I still have another two, then masters, so four all up.
Why is it the first time?
I am, but it will be sad Granny won't be there. We had the burial on Thursday, so I was pretty upset seeing her in a box going into the ground. It made it more real. However, Christmas will still be great. It will be at my parents as well. It's been like that for most years.
How big is your family? On my mum's side, there will be 17.
Hey @Red_Flamingo
I’m sorry to hear things are tough right now. Unfortunately, sometimes things get worse for no obvious reason through no fault of your own. Recovery is also rarely linear, and it can be difficult to see your progress, especially when things aren’t great. However, that doesn’t mean you haven’t progressed. I’m sure there’s a whole bunch of healthy things you are doing now that you couldn’t do previously. Everything looks kind of bleak when you’re exhausted, and it becomes very easy to fixate on the negatives.
The physical pain of depression sucks. Is there anything that you find distracting enough to give you a bit of space? Are you able to talk to your friend? It’s completely fair to be sick of feeling this way. I really hope and believe that things will change back to the way they were soon. You’re doing a really great job continuing and should be really proud of yourself.
Thank you; things aren't the best. No, it is not linear as much as I would hope. I guess there are things I wouldn't have been doing a few months ago.
I'm just building the Lego and going to have Weetbix shortly. I'm watching Utopia, and it's so funny. No, I don't have anyone to talk to. I'm all alone, literally, which makes me feel even worse.