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TW : Frustrated

I’m so over the way my life is at the moment. For starters I have a son and my partner is honestly not much help. I wish he would see how tiring it is to be a full time parent 24/7. I am struggling with my mental health and decided to come up off my meds. Probably not the best time but I want to see if I can handle life without them. If not I’m going straight back on them. (Already been discussed with case manager).

 

I feel alone every single day. I just want to go out and not worry about anything, but I can’t even do that. I’m too unmotivated to go out and scared that something is going to happen. And again, I don’t want to be alone.. but I already am right?

 

I really feel like breaking up with my partner because he’s never really been here for me or my son. I’m sure he tries but it’s just not good enough. I know we deserve better. I keep telling my self to give him chance after chance but I’m just so over it! He’s done stuff in the past which has really hurt me so idek why I want to be with him this bad… 

 

I hate the thoughts I have and feel so guilty. Suicidality and self harm thoughts pop up and it’s just shit.

 

I'm over it all. 

Thatblondegirl
ThatblondegirlPosted 18-02-2022 02:09 PM

Comments

 
Iona-RO
Iona-ROPosted 18-02-2022 03:21 PM

Hey @Thatblondegirl

I'm really sorry to hear that things are still feeling really tough for you today. But it's really great to hear that you are working through things with your case manager and getting support from them when making big decisions around your medication. 

 

You've mentioned that you have thoughts of suicide and self-harm popping up, are you safe at the moment? Do you have any strategies in place for when these thoughts happen? When sharing our experiences around thoughts of suicide in the forum, we want to make sure we do so in a safe way so we don't trigger any other members of the community. We've got some great points here that go over this, so you can still feel comfortable sharing your honest experience, without potentially distressing other people in the community 😊

 

You've spoken about your support network in some of your previous posts and I was wondering what that looks like for you? Do you have family members that you have regular contact with? Do you live alone or with them/your partner?

 

I'm going to send you an email too, so please look out for that coming to you soon ❤️

 
 
Thatblondegirl
ThatblondegirlPosted 18-02-2022 04:51 PM

Hey I’m so sorry if I said too much information. I am very stressed as I am home 24/7 with nothing are than being a mother. It gets really hard to think that I am just a mother and nothing more. I understand the blessing my boy is but with depression and my brain it’s so hard to see positivity. I am safe and I'm going to write a list of things to do to keep my self calm/ distracted from bad thoughts.

 

My mind has been in a negative place for so long that I feel like I’ve been locked in the dark. As if there is no hope for me getting better and being a positive person.

 
I am a very aware person when it comes to my mental health, as I have learned over the years. It’s frustrating to think that I’ve been locked out of a place I really want to be…

 

so I have a great support network, such as family and a few friends. Which I personally would rather go here or to professionals as they don’t really “get it”. Then I have my psychologist which I’ve only seen twice now! But I’m optimistic that this will be what I need. I also have a case manager and support worker that help me! They’re wonderful people and I honestly appreciate them so much, but sometimes I find it hard to open up to them…

 

When it comes to my living situation I live alone with my son which is why it’s so stre

 
 
 
Maddy-RO
Maddy-ROPosted 18-02-2022 09:11 PM

Dear @Thatblondegirl 

 

I'm so sorry to hear that you think you are a mother and 'nothing more.' Even though I disagree, in that, it is unlikely that you are "nothing more," I do understand what you mean. Women can sometimes lose their sense of self when they become a mother, especially if they stop doing the things that they enjoy. But you are not JUST a mother and it might just take some time and effort to try and get in touch with the other sides of yourself again. You might even want to remind yourself of your name, your age, your strengths, etc., to stop thinking of yourself as purely a mother. Being a mother is one part of you. It might be helpful to try and work towards expanding or strengthening these other, non-mother, sides of you. It might be hard to know what to target, but the following questions might help stimulate some thoughts/ideas on your end:

  • What were you before you were a 'mother' that you no longer are in your eyes?
  • What did you do that you love, that you no longer do?
  • What would you LIKE to be in addition to being a mother?

Once you know what you want to be, in addition to being a mother, then you can take some steps towards being that 😊

 

Feel free to share your thoughts and ideas 😊

 
 
 
 
Maddy-RO
Maddy-ROPosted 18-02-2022 09:23 PM

Also, @Thatblondegirl, just so you're aware, we have sent you an email. Please have a look at it and respond once you get a chance. 😊

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