cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Main content skiplink
Join an event. Happening today.

TW: I don't know what's going on right now

Since the passing of my grandfather, I've felt almost like a different person. I look in the mirror, but i feel like I'm a different person in the same body. I've never felt this way before,  I'm not too sure what to do about it. It's gotten to the point that I hate myself for just being who I am, but once again, I don't know why

Wheresmyeggs
WheresmyeggsPosted 01-09-2024 11:40 PM

Comments

 
Scarlet_Locust
Scarlet_LocustPosted 02-09-2024 06:19 PM

Hi @Wheresmyeggs , thanks for sharing with us, i'm so sorry to hear about the passing of your grandfather.

 

It sounds like you're grandfather's death has had a really significant impact on you and like you've since been having lots of really complicated thoughts about your own identity and self concept. I think that this can be a really normal part of grief, and that it's really understandable that the passing of an important person in your life would prompt you to re-think a lot of your previously held ideas and beliefs. 

 

I'm lucky enough to still have three of my grandparents with me, but one of my grandfathers did pass away about 6 years ago now. I remember having so many different feelings mixed in with the grief after my grandfather passed away. I distinctly remember feeling unsure as to how I could continue to exist in the world after someone close to me had passed away. I think that the relationships we have with our grandparents can be really special, and it can be really hard to navigate supporting others in your family too when you're all grieving a collective loss. I think one thing that really helped me duing this time though was leaning on my relationships with others in my family for support. I think it can be really cathartic and comforting to speak about your grief with other people who are also grieving the same loss. I'm wondering whether you've had a chat at all about this with anyone else in your life who knew your grandfather?

 

I think that @Bel_RO has made some really great suggestions about potentially having a chat with a health professional about how you're feeling or accessing some online grief resources. These types of people are really well equipped to support you through these types of experiences.

 

I'd like to remind you that grief has no timeline, and that there's no right way to grieve someone. Please be gentle with yourself during this time. I'm thinking of you during this time and sending lots of care your way. We're all here for you 💜

 
Gemz
GemzPosted 02-09-2024 03:01 PM

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way. Grieving the loss of a loved one can deeply affect our sense of self, and it’s understandable to feel like everything is different, including how you see yourself. Here are a few things that might help you navigate these feelings: 

Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s important to recognize that what you’re experiencing is a natural part of grief and loss. It’s okay to feel disoriented and to have a complex range of emotions. Allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgment. 

Self-Compassion: Be gentle with yourself during this time. It’s common to be hard on yourself when you're struggling but try to practice self-compassion. Remember, you’re going through a tough time, and it’s okay to not have all the answers right now. 

Grief Counseling: A counselor or therapist who specializes in grief can provide support and strategies to help you cope with your feelings. They can offer a safe space to explore your emotions and work through the changes you're experiencing. 

Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can be a helpful way to process what you’re going through. It might help you explore and understand the changes you’re feeling and offer a way to express emotions you might not be ready to share out loud. 

Routine and Self-Care: Establishing a routine and taking care of your physical and emotional needs can provide stability during this time. Engage in activities that you find comforting or fulfilling and try to maintain healthy habits. 

Allow Time: Healing and adjusting to loss take time. Be patient with yourself as you navigate through these changes and recognize that it’s a process. 

You’re not alone in what you’re experiencing, and reaching out for support is a strong and positive step. If you feel overwhelmed or need immediate support, don’t hesitate to contact a mental health professional or crisis support service. 

 
Matcha_Toad
Matcha_ToadPosted 02-09-2024 01:19 PM

Hi @Wheresmyeggs

 

Thank you so much for sharing what has been happening for you. I am really proud of you for opening up to us all here, I hope what myself and others say may help you.

 

Losing a loved one is such a difficult thing, lots of thoughts, emotions and feelings can arise from it. Correct me if I am wrong, but it seems like you must have been close with your grandfather, and his passing has had quite a significant impact on you. I want you to know that you are not alone. I lost my grandfather in 2020, I was very close to him and it did feel like quite a big part of me died; therapy and support of my family did help me with the grieving process. I'm not sure how long ago or how recent your beloved grandfather passed, but have you allowed yourself to grieve? Would you be open to seeing a therapist or counsellor for further support?

 

I am sorry that I cannot give you an exact answer as to why you feel like a different person in the same body when you look in the mirror; it sounds like this is quite distressing for you. But I do know that grief and loss of a loved one not only provoke intense emotions but can also give someone a sense of identity shift. The fact that it has also gotten to the point where you hate yourself for being who you are, even though you don't know why, sounds even more distressing. If you are feeling scared, distressed or any other feeling, I want you to know that whatever you feel is valid, and that there is always services like Headspace ,Kids Helpline , and Lifeline available if you need further support.

 

I will also say that things like mental health conditions, trauma, and stress may cause a sense of disconnection from one's body or self or even self-hatred. Grief may also cause us to have an identity crisis where we question our own identity, values, morals and beliefs; this too may lead to feelings of disconnection. Do you think this may be happening for you?

 

Overcoming grief and loss is a challenging journey. But here is just a few tips/strategies that may help:

  • Allow yourself to grieve by acknowledging and accepting your feelings, and allow yourself to process them
  • Seek support through friends, family, and support groups (even here on ReachOut like you have) 
  • Look after yourself by engaging in self-care activities like your hobbies or even going for a walk outside
  • Creating a memory book/space for your grandfather may help, or even find ways to honour and remember him by doing something meaningful like volunteering or pursuing a shared interest.
  • Seek professional help via a counsellor or therapist to guide you through the grieving process.
  • Allow yourself time to heal, be patient, show yourself some self-compassion, and remember that everyone's grief journey is different.

If you aren't seeing a therapist/counsellor yet, I do recommend at least speaking to a GP about what has been happening for you and go from there, they could also help you create a Mental Health Care Plan.

 

Here are a few more resources:

 

I really hope some of this has helped you a little bit.

 

- Matcha_Toad 🐸🍵💚

 
Bel_RO
Bel_ROPosted 02-09-2024 01:06 PM

Hey @Wheresmyeggs,

Welcome to ReachOuts youth community! Thank you for being courageous and sharing what you are going through. It sounds like the passing of your grandfather has really affected you and made you feel like you are in a different body. This would be scary and overwhelming to be experiencing. I would like to reassure you that you are not alone with how you’re feeling and what you’re going through. Reaching out for support has shown your resilience and courage which you should be really proud of! 

 

Speaking to someone about what you’re going through can be really helpful, so I am wondering if you’ve told any family or friends about how you’re feeling since the passing of your grandfather? It can also be really helpful to see a professional like a GP or psychologist to explore why this might be happening for you. Have you spoken to your GP or a psychologist about this? 

 

Going through grief and loss can be really difficult to manage, so it is important to take some time out and do some self care activities to make yourself feel better. So, I am wondering what you have been doing to take care of yourself during this time? If you’re interested in additional support, Kids Helpline is a free 24/7 phone and online counselling service for young people aged 5 to 25. I encourage you to also check out this topic on Grief and Loss that includes a number of articles with tips and advice. 

 

An email has also been sent to check in with you offline, so please keep an eye out for that. 

Related spaces

Welcome back!

Join the Community

ReachOut is confidential & anonymous.

8+ characters, 1 capital letter, 1 lower case letter and 1 number

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.