TW: I'm pressing charges on a friend.
Hi, 2 months I was SA'd by a friend who I thought I could trust,
I've decided to press charges, despite my parents not really wanting me to, but they support me still. I'm nervous for the process going forward, and I have no idea what it's like. I've been experiencing these weird sort of flashbacks, where I feel them touching me or whispering in my ear, does anyone have anything that helped them I could try?
Comments
Hi @Planetary , I'm super sorry you had to go through something like that, I have myself and it's never an easy process. When I was having the same sort of phantom sensations happen to me I tried a few different things:
For the touching feelings:
- Weighted blankets
- Loose clothing
- Cold/Hot towel or paper towel
For the sounds:
- Really good noise cancelling headphones
- Had a really good playlist full of feel-good tunes lined up
- I also tried ASMR, White Noise and Binaural sounds for sleep which helped a lot!
Journalling what you can feel and hear can also help, but please only do things if they are making you feel more comfortable or better, do not push yourself! You are so brave and courageous for pressing charges, you deserve all the best care and support!💛
Hi @Planetary
I am so sorry you had to experience this. As someone who has experience something very similair and didn't press charges I am so proud of you for your confidence and strength to do so.
Having flashbacks like that and sensory memories can be a sign of trauma and I would definitely recommend seeing a professional whether it is a psychologist or counselour to help deal with those overwhelming experiences and prevent them from potentially worsening. EMDR is a great therapy technique I would recommend looking into.
Seeing a psychologist can also be beneficial in the process of pressing charges as they can write letters and reports to help your case.
I am sending you the biggest hug and want to remind you that you are not alone. Reaching out to support groups where people with similar experience can chat and help one another is also something I would recommend as it can really reaffirm your feelings and potentially give you tips and tricks on how to get through things from people who are in the same process.
Also do not let the outcome of the legal action get to you. You may not get the outcome you want but that does not define you or your experience. It is important to seperate the outcome of it from your healing journey!
Again, I am so proud of you. Please reach out if you have anything else you would like to talk about!
Hi @Planetary
I'm so sorry that this happened to you, nobody deserves to go through that and especially with a friend who you are supposed to be able to trust. It sounds like you're experiencing some symptoms that can occur as a result of trauma, i.e. the flashbacks, touching and whispering sensations.
Also just wanted to say that it is totally valid to want to take action, even if your parents did not want you to, though I'm glad they support your decision. Nobody should be able to get away with SA, especially given the psychological consequences it can have on SA survivors. Not to mention taking pictures when you're asleep is also totally not ok.
I would definitely recommend counselling, grounding, and mindfulness from my own personal experiences with trauma. @Gemz , in the comments, has listed these and more in their suggestions, which I second. Grounding in particular is very useful for trauma because it transports you to the present, and stops you from fixating on the past. As "grounding" suggests, it grounds you in the present/in the moment. I would highly recommend the "5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, 1 thing you can taste."
I'm really sorry you're going through this, and it's incredibly brave of you to take such a strong step in pressing charges. Your courage in seeking justice and support is important, and it's completely understandable to feel nervous and overwhelmed about the process.
The flashbacks and sensations you're experiencing are common in the aftermath of trauma, and it's important to address them with care. Here are some strategies that might help you cope with these feelings:
Professional Support: Seeking support from a therapist who specializes in trauma can be incredibly beneficial. They can help you navigate the emotional and psychological impact of your experiences and offer strategies tailored to your needs.
Grounding Techniques: These can help you stay present and connected to the here and now when you’re experiencing flashbacks or distressing sensations. Techniques might include focusing on your breath, describing your surroundings out loud, or holding onto a comforting object.
Self-Care: Engaging in activities that bring you comfort and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies, can help manage stress and improve your overall well-being.
Mindfulness and Relaxation Exercises: Practices like mindfulness meditation or progressive muscle relaxation can help manage anxiety and improve your ability to stay grounded.
Understanding the Legal Process: Learning more about what to expect during the legal process can help alleviate some anxiety. Consider reaching out to organizations or advocacy groups that can provide information and support throughout this journey.
Your feelings are valid, and it’s important to prioritize your mental health and well-being as you move forward. You're taking a significant step by pressing charges, and seeking support through this process is a key part of your journey to healing. Please remember to be gentle with yourself and reach out for help when you need it. You deserve support and care.
Hey @Planetary,
We want to firstly welcome you to ReachOut and want to acknowledge the incredible bravery you have demonstrated by sharing what you have been through. Being sexually assaulted, especially by someone you once trusted, is incredibly distressing and what you have been through is not your fault, nor is it okay. You’ve done an amazing job talking to your parents about what you have been through and also what steps you want to take next. While I can see that you’d like to press charges, it can be daunting to make a report. You are absolutely not alone, the community is here to support you as you take these steps.
I can hear that the perpetrator also took photos of you, which must have added more distress to an already traumatic experience. While it is normal and okay to feel humiliation, shame and even guilt after experiencing like this, it is really important you know that what happened is not your fault and is a serious crime. I'm curious if you have told your parents about these details? This is also an important detail to share with Police when you make the report. There is also a variety of support that can help support you through this, which include 1800RESPECT or your State based sexual assault support services which you can find here. It might be helpful to have a chat with one of these services for additional support in the lead up to making the report to Police.
I am also wondering what you have been doing to take care of yourself during this time, as often going through something traumatic can affect our wellbeing immensely.
An email has also been sent to you so please keep an eye out for that. I hope this is helpful and look forward to hearing from you soon
Hi @Planetary
Firstly, I want to say that I am extremely proud of you for coming here on ReachOut and opening up about this very traumatic event; opening up and being vulnerable can be so difficult. I also am really proud of you for wanting to press charges against this friend for what they did to you. I really hope what myself and others have to say may provide you with help and comfort.
Experiencing flashbacks from a traumatic event such as SA can be very distressing. Utilising grounding techniques, like using your 5 senses, can help bring yourself back into the present moment. Deep, deliberate breathing may also help settle your body and mind when these flashbacks happen. You may also find trauma-informed yoga or somatic practices can help; these have helped me quite a bit in dealing with my own traumas. I also highly recommend speaking to a GP or mental health professional about what has happened; they would be able to help you significantly with this. It's also so important that you look after yourself and practice self-care and show compassion for yourself, this is particularly important when seeking legal action as the system can be really difficult, challenging and sometimes just outright shit. Having a support system in place is just as important too, and I am glad to hear that your parents are still supporting you with you pressing charges.
I think it's so normal and valid to feel nervous about proceeding forward with pressing charges against your friend, we aren't really taught how to navigate the justice system. I do have some resources that may be of interest to you. ReachOut does have its own article filled with resources which is available here.
Resources:
I hope these resources and my suggestions will help you.
We're all here to support you through this!
- Matcha_Toad 🐸🍵💚
