TW: Needing comfort
I had a session with my psych today. I asked him about hugging clients, and he said no. He gave some reasons, but it still doesn't make me feel very good.
I didn't mention that I feel rejected. We didn't really talk about it much after he said no in a roundabout way. I was really hoping for a yes.
I'm so touch-deprived. I don't think I've ever felt safe where I can cry and be comforted by someone. I wish I had someone that could do that for me. To feel safe. I literally don't get many hugs, only from my aunt, uncle and my friend. I don't know when I can see them again.
I wouldn't say I like the self-hug, so I don't know what else to do.
I'm on my way home. I had a meeting for an older person volunteer scheme I'll be doing for a year. I will get to meet an older person and spend some time with them for an hour once a week.
I've gone and got some work clothes.
Now I'm on the train, nearly home. I think it's going to be a more challenging night. I really want to cry so badly. I don't know what to do, as I just need that comfort so much.
Would anyone be around to chat tonight?
I'm safe and not having any thoughts of self-harm or suicide, and if I feel I get more distressed, I'll call KHL.
Hey @Red_Flamingo it sounds like your session with your psych left you feeling rejected and disappointed. It's understandable that even though his reasons make sense it can still hurt when you are sensitive around this topic. It sounds like this volunteer scheme will be something new and exciting for you to look forward to, so maybe that is something you can reflect on as a positive of today.
Psychology sessions can be emotionally draining at the best of times, is there anything that you can do tonight to look after yourself?
Yes, it has. I don't even know why I brought it up @Stormy-RO 
I kind of knew he would say no, but I had a little bit of hope he might say yes seeing some people had said yet and others no.
The volunteer scheme will be good. At least I'll get to have a chat and meet an older person.
I don't know what to do about the hugging like I said below It's like a deep feeling in me. I just want some comfort. I'm so desperate for it. I don't have any.
I'm just icing some cupcakes I made last night. I'm just trying not to cry and stay distarcted if I sit still I'll get upset.
I'm just so stupid. I should have known he would say no and just live with it, but no I aksed and then my worst fear is struck.
Hi Red_Flamingo,
Sorry to here you are feeling bad about that. And feeling rejected. I bet that would have hurt. I think sometimes even if we think the answer might be a no, it still hurts to actually hear that.
I totally understand what it's like to feel touch-deprived. I definitely feel that way often too. If I could, I would give you a hug because I think it can make such a big difference to someone's health. Both mental and physical too in a way.
I haven't tried self-hugs. Maybe I will sometime. But yes, it makes sense it wouldn't feel the same.
Just a reminder: it's ok to cry and your emotions are completely valid. It's normal to feel that way sometimes.
Thank you @Lemon_Dolphin 
I would have replied earlier, but for some reason, I'm not getting emails @Moderator-RO 
Would you know why that might be?
I don't even know why I asked him. It was silly. He said he wouldn't because of a power imbalance and that he doesn't share anything vulnerable like I do. I don't care if he doesn't I know that's the relasionship, but that doesn't take away me wanting a hug. Like you say it can have a big impact on someone.
It makes sense that you would want a hug, especially because you are struggling. But I think part of a counselor/therapist/psychologists guidelines say they aren't allowed physical contact. I'm not 100% sure but I think it is against their guidelines. Especially if there is a difference in sex. And that is for the safety of both the psychologist and the client.
Because they don't want anyone thinking something is going on when everything is normal.
Sending virtual hugs because I can't give you any in person. 🫂 🩷
Yeah, I need one so bad. It's like a deep feeling in me. I wish it wasn't their guidelines.
No one would see anyway. Yeah, him male and I'm female. It just sucks because some people have said their psych hugs them.
Maybe I just need to hurry up and get a boyfriend then I can have lots of hugs.
I'm trying not to cry.
In my post above are you tagged in it or not on my screen it doesn't show I've tagged you.
Yes, I've felt that way before. And it hurts knowing you could be hoping for a hug like that for so long and not get it when you need it. And I think it's even worse when you feel lonely or sad or broken. And you just have to remember that it won't always be this way. And you need to keep on going. And it can hurt a lot.
Have you got anyone else you could hug? Sometimes, I feel like having someone who knows all the hard things you're going through helps. And a hug from them means so much more than any other hug. Like for so long, I've wanted a hug with one person who actually knows what I'm struggling with and knows so much. But I have never asked and I'm scared to. But when my sister hugs me, it doesn't feel like how I'd expect it to feel if this other person did.
Sorry, this turned into my just yabbering on. But I hope you understand, you are not alone in this
I only have my aunt, uncle and one friend, but I won't see them for a while.
Hey would you mind tagging me so your posts come through?
I tag you but it doesn't show on my screen it's a bit weird @Lemon_Dolphin 
@Red_Flamingo wow, I didn't realize how easy it was to tag someone. Last time, I spent about half an hour trying to and I still couldn't get it.
That must be annoying. How long till you see them again?
Did you tag in this post? I got an email you did, but on my screen, my name isn't there. Hmmm very odd.
I have no clue. No one wants to see me.
@Red_Flamingo I'm not really sure, cause the first time I opened it, you weren't tagged, but the second time, you were tagged. I'm not quite sure why.
Yeah, I wish it was possible to meet up with each other, but we don't know anything about each other and we can't share. Which is fair enough, but still...
I know I wish we could too @Lemon_Dolphin 
That's the only downfall of all the anonymity. I would have so many friends then hahaha.
I know everyone here is so genuine. I don't meet people like that in person. @Lemon_Dolphin 
Do you like this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtOvBOTyX00
Yes, I do. I haven't listened to it for a while though. I like Human by her. Because it's so real.
Okay I'll have to have a look @Lemon_Dolphin 
Sorry for the slow replly. I didn't see the post.
That's ok. I forgot to tag you. I'm not getting a lot of my email notifications either.
@Red_Flamingo@Tomorrow will be the last day of teaching Vietnamese kids recorder. It's great seeing how much they are improving since I gave them their first lesson. But it is so exhausting. And I'm ready to have a break and go back home to Australia.
