TW: Not Coping

Hi @Abbi-RO 

Thank you for getting back to me. 

I'll have a look at those links tomorrow. 

Yeah, let's hope the interview goes well. I also have a session with my psych and an appointment with my GP. I'm also going out with family for trivia night. On Thursday. I'm returning home until the 20th, so that will be nice. I had a session sigh KHL tonight, so that was good.  

I had a weird conversation with my uncle tonight though. We got talking about my parents and he said it's good to open up to them but he misinterpreted what I was saying and I don't like opening up to them. I felt like he was very opinionated with what he said and was trying to push the matter of me talking to my parents. When I've accepted I don't want to talk to them about my MH unless absolutely necessary. They don't understand and don't seem to want to understand I've given my mother plenty of opportunities to learn about MH over the past 18 months but she didn't partake of them so it's only her fault. 

Then he finished the conversation mid-way through and said goodbye and I'll see you tomorrow. Um like why? Why would he just finish the conversation like that he didn't even give any context or be like is it okay to finish the conversation no. I still have things to say. It's a bit annoying. Hopefully tomorrow night I can say something as he is taking me back home. 

I don't even know why he was going on about me needing to fall to my parents its my life it's not his. I know I have people to go to if j need so it's okay with me. I wish he wasn't so opinionated sometimes. Any tips on what to say to him tomorrow? 

He is just making me a bit angry. I don't normally get angry so this is unusual for me. 

I wish I hadn't said anything to him in the first place. Why bring up stuff about my parents?

Hi @Red_Flamingo 

Thanks for responding back and sharing what is happening for you. You are really showing your courage and strength. Friendships can be unpredictable sometimes and it can be really hard sometimes when we meet people that we have a connection with, but change comes in the way. I hear how frustrating it must be to not have this connection with your friend as often.

I can hear that meeting people is important to you and that it's been a bit tough to do this when uni doesn't have more space for this. If you are interested in having a read at all, we have a number of articles on friendships, making friends, making friends online and I wonder if maybe these might be able to help at all. 

It’s important that you are being kind to yourself and looking after yourself. It sounds like you are navigating ways to feel better and you're definitely not alone with this feeling. You have shared many of the things you try, which demonstrates just how resourceful you are. It takes a lot of courage to be able to understand where you are now, what's working and not working for you, and do something about it. I wanted to share this article with you about positive self-talk as I thought it might be helpful and some ways that could help to feel better.

We wish you all the best for your job interview tomorrow. 

Take care.

You wouldn't believe it when I went to bed last night, the bloody fire alarm went off. It was only a test, but why do that at 11 pm at night? It got me wide awake, so I read a bit of my book to help get me to go to sleep. I also don't know why they would do it this week when it's exams, but anyway, that's uni for you. 

I've done a bit of study this morning and washed up, so that's a good start. I'm just about to start painting, so that will be fun. I also have a call booked with my regular tonight at KHL, so that will be good. I just hope I won't have a breakdown like last night. It wasn't a very fun day. 

I've also found out my one and only friend has got an internship for next year, which is great and all, but it's full-time, 9-5, and he won't be living near me like he is now. So I won't be able to see him as often. Am I being selfish for feeling sad that I won't see him now and will be even more lonely if I don't have him? Maybe I am just a selfish, egotistical, self-centred person. It's been so nice having him as a friend, but with him working and then me at uni full time and working two days a week, it will be tough to catch up. I'm going to be so lonely now. How can I meet people? It's so hard at uni when you only have a class with a group of people for an hour or two a week. It's so difficult to make connections. Does anyone have any tips for how I can make friends @Stormy-RO 

Hi @Abbi-RO 

Yeah, I'm very overwhelmed. I’m really anxious right now. I'm unsure if it has to do with the job interview or not. I hope I'll get to sleep okay soon. 
I really don't know. I try so many things. I just want these bad feelings to go away. I don't like being so sad and crying all the time, especially since I don't know why I'm crying more than 80% of the time. 

Thank you. I’ll have a look over that tomorrow. 

I'll read over the PD, and my resume; I need to find the values for the hospital, and I'll see if my mum will run over some practice questions with me. She works in admin so she will be a great help. 

Let's hope tomorrow will be a better day. I want to finish my painting, go for a bike ride, cook beef ragu, and do some uni work. So that's a lot of things to fit it one day when I couldn't even do one today. I've wasted the whole day. To mop about being so sad. I don't understand why motivation is affected; it's a bit confusing. I would typically say I’m high-functioning with my depression. So, when I lose motivation, it means things aren't going in a good direction. I suppose it means I need to keep fighting even more and try and push through. 

Do you have any tips for feeling better? I've used distraction. Watching TV, reading, journaling, talking on here and SANE. Painting, art, etc. Listening to music., cooking and exercise. Also, something TIPP skills and the five senses one. I'm not sure what else to add. I'm still lost with all the things I do have. 

Thank you for the chat. I'm going to try and get some sleep now. Hopefully, we will talk when you next around. 

Hi @Red_Flamingo 

I am glad that sat well with, to know that you are not stupid. Sounds like youre in the thick of it at the moment, I can only imagine how overwhelming all these challenges must be.

It is important to be caring for yourself during this time and I can hear how it isn't feeling quite like self care to you, thank you for letting me know that. What would help you feel better? 

You show great strength time and time again, it really shows how resilient you are, even if you might not feel it. I am sure you will muster this all up for the job interview. Heres some resources that may be worth having a look at for your interview 🙂 lots of luck for it. 

Please take care, you deserve it. 

Hello @Abbi-RO 

Thank you. I don't know what's wrong with me today. It's been awful. 

I felt yesterday I was getting back into things, but then today, it's been so bad. 

Thanks for saying that. I feel very stupid at times. 

I've tried so much today, and nothing has helped. TV, art, etc. It's a bit hard to explain, but it's textured art. I'll post a photo tomorrow if it's any good. I guess it's self-care, but not really. I'm not eating a proper meal, and I'm not dressed or had a shower today. I'm in my PJ's. 

I have a job interview on Wednesday. How can I muster up strength if I can't even do basic things? 

Hi @Red_Flamingo 

I'm really sorry that you are having such a rough time. We hope by reaching out and sharing this, you are feeling a little lighter.

Thank you for letting us know you are safe. I want to remind you how resilient you have been and continue to be by reaching out for support. I am hearing how hard it is for you and it is understandable that your motivation is low, you are going through a lot. We can hear how much you are wanting to get to a better place and how much you are trying to get there, we want to acknowledge that this transtion from hospital can take some getting used to. A reminder that you that you are not stupid. 

As things have been so hard lately, I am wondering what other things you have found helpful when you are feeling this way. Is there something nice you could do for yourself tonight to get your mind off things? PeerChat, Weetbix and some Jane the Virgin sounds like nice self care time. Sounds like you are also painting, what are you painting? 

Please take lots of care, you deserve it.

We are sitting right with you.

I still can't stop crying. I feel like I'm going so far backwards. Things were going okay in the hospital and then took a turn once I came out, but I had a few days where I was better than I am today. I thought wrong about getting better. I don't know why I have to be in this place. I want to get better, but it doesn't seem to be going that way for me. 

I'm sorry to bother everyone, but I don't have many people to talk to, and I just want to be around people who understand how I'm feeling. It's been a long, hard road that seems to be getting more complicated. The past year has had many ups and downs along the way. I feel like I'm not where I wanted to be at this point in the year. I remember having my last session with my psych last year at the start of December, and I was feeling alright. Things had started to change, and my psych was so happy for me that things were starting to get better. He would be so disappointed with where I'm at now, basically the same time last year, but far far worse. Maybe I've grown in some areas, but I still haven't in many other areas. I was so excited about moving and meeting people. I've made one friend this year. It's so disappointing reflecting on the year and all the things I haven't done. I don't even know why I started thinking about all this, but it's kind of making me feel worse. 

See, I'm so stupid; I'm my own worst enemy. I can't get a break. Why do things have to be so complicated? I'm trying so hard to get better, but I just keep getting worse week after week. I need a break. I can't live my life feeling so utterly down and hopeless all the time. I want to be happy, enjoy hanging out with people, meeting new people and working and enjoying uni. Well, I can't even enjoy sitting down watching TV now. Ahh, why am I like this to myself? I don't know how to stop being mean. 

I am safe. However, when I'm saying I want things to stop or the pain to go away. I don't mean it in a SH or SI way. I am not planning or wanting to do anything. I'm not having any thoughts of either right now. I mean them in a literal sense that I want my depression, sadness and all the other feelings I'm feeling to disappear, which I know they want, but I'm praying they might one day.  I'm about to have a PeerChat, so I can at least speak to someone. I've felt so alone today. I just needed to vent. It's been a long and painful day. I'm sorry. 

Hi @Bel_RO 

It's been so hard. I want this pain to stop. I've done nothing all day. I don't get why my motivation is so low. I also have nothing to be sad about yet; I'm still so sad. 

I guess so. I'm watching Jane the Virgin until my canvas finishes drying, and then I can start my painting. 

I'm not even going to cook dinner tonight. I'll have Weetbix instead. I'm being that lazy. 

I haven't even got dressed today. I don't know what's wrong with me. Things were going okay when I was in the hospital. It doesn't help I don't have many people to talk to. Now uni has finished, I don't have classes. Other than the one online unit, which I've started this week, I do all the work on my own at my own pace, and I won't meet any people. I wish my friend would come back so I could see him; that's only one day anyway. I still have another four days on my own. I have my psych on Wednesday and KHL on Tuesday. I need something to fill in the other days. I usually have a PeerChat on a Monday, too, and I have one tonight. I am safe, though I'm not suicidal. 

Hi @Stormy-RO 

Can we talk?