TW: Suicidal Ideation. I am Looking for an Aunt-Like Figure in My Life.
I'm not sure if I have posted this already, but my aunt has made it very clear to me that she does not like me and she wants to be estranged from me (and my mum, who is her sister-in-law.) According to her, my mother and I cause too much drama in the family, although she won't specify what the drama we cause actually is. But quite frankly, I personally should be used to rejection, as I have faced it my entire life, from family, potential friends, and still to this day. My aunt, who I will call Joanne*, was previously an Arbonne Independent Consultant, who would tag random people (pretty much everyone except myself and my mother) in her wellbeing videos, which were about empowering women (pretty much.) Deliberately excluding my mother and I from these posts became a regular occurrence. My aunt is my father's sister and she is ashamed of being Aboriginal. I am Aboriginal myself, and I have virtually no role models in my family to look up to. I wish I did. While I don't have a plan, I have seriously considered in taking my own life, because of people who have come and go in my life like Joanne.
I have so much love to give out to so many people, but it always ends up being towards the wrong people ☹️
Comments
Hey
I just wanted to quickly chime in, I'm sorry to hear that you've been going through such a hard time. I can imagine how difficult it must be to not have many role models to look up to. I know that Kidshelpline was provided but I also wanted to let you know that you can reach out to 13 Yarn (13 92 76) as well, they are an Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander specific crisis service.
I myself am a proud Aboriginal woman and I understand how important family and having role models can be. A lot of my 'Aunties & Uncles' and my Elders - who are my biggest role models are actually not biologically related to me, but they are still my family. I have learnt a lot from them about myself, my identity and my culture.
I saw that @Philosophical_Rat provided some lovely support, and I too was wondering whether you could connect with your community, whether it is where your mob is from or even just the community where you are living? I was also wondering whether you had any support through your school or if they provided any opportunities to connect with your culture or join any local cultural groups?
It can be such a special feeling when you can connect with and learn more about your culture, I know for me personally this has helped me through really difficult times. Would you be interested in trying to connect more with your culture and/or community? I know that there are really great podcasts, videos and stories online and on social media that can be really great and inspiring. Is this something that you think you’d enjoy?
I also wanted to remind you that your role-model doesn’t always need to be someone in your family or life, some of my role-models are Aboriginal people who I have never met but still look up to them and strive to be like them! Do you have any role models like this or anyone else that you look up to?
Remember that 13Yarn is available if you need some support and want to have a yarn to someone, we are also all here for you and to support you!
Hey @Blake_RO
I actually have heard about 13 YARN. Thank You. I will touch base with them in the future. I'll actually save their number under my phone after I type this message to you.
It's great to hear a bit about yourself 😄 I studied Aboriginal Studies at adult school this year at a Year 12 level. I got my results after checking online yesterday and I scored an A-! This goes towards my ATAR; and I couldn't be prouder 🖤💛❤️ And with that being said, I would love to connect more with my culture and community! I am thinking that I could start by attneding my local Aboriginal museum and buying some books to read; or better yet, going to my local library to borrow some books. The only trouble I have with reading is concentration. I ALWAYS have to check social media, just in case I get a notification, and it drives me potty! I have also got undiagnosed ADHD.
With regards to rolemodels, come to think of it, I actually have my dad and grandmother. They are proud of their Aboriginality, and they are raising me to be the same. My mother is not Aboriginal, but she is implements the Aboriginal culture at her work (she works with children as an early childhood educator.)
Hey @-pringles-
Thank you so much for sharing this.
I’m so happy to hear that you saved the number for 13Yarn!
An A- ..... how deadly!! Huge congratulations, you should be so proud of yourself- I can imagine how proud your parents and grandmother must have been.
It’s so great that you’re wanting to connect more with your culture and community, did you enjoy learning about this in Aboriginal studies? I remember that I really loved learning about the history and movements when I did it, there were so many powerful leaders and role-models that I learnt about and still look up to. Did any stand out for you?
Attending the museum and getting some books sounds like a great Idea. I know that you mentioned that it can be hard to concentrate whilst reading and I was wondering if you’ve tried audio books? There are also some really great podcasts that you can listen to as well, do you think this would be more helpful?
I also know that you mentioned that you have undiagnosed ADHD and was wondering whether you’ve spoken to anyone about this to get some more support? We have a really great article on ADHD that might be helpful to have a read through.
It’s so special that your dad and grandmother are both role models to you and have raised you to be proud being Aboriginal. Having people in our lives and who we look up to, is so important and makes us so proud of who we are and it’s so special that you have these relationships and strong role models to look up to.
I know that you’re wanting to learn more about and connect with your culture and was wondering whether your father or grandmother have shared much with you or whether you would feel comfortable asking them some questions?
I know that sometimes these conversations can be sensitive and difficult to have and it’s okay if you can’t have them. Remember that there’s so many other ways that you can learn about and connect with your culture.
Hey @-pringles-, I hope you don't mind me jumping in here but I wanted to say well done on getting an A- on your Aboriginal Studies! That is incredible and you deserve to be so proud of yourself! Have you got any plans to celebrate such a big achievement? 💜
Attending your local Aboriginal museum and buying some books sounds like a great way to learn more about your culture and community. I can certainly understand you having trouble with concentration though, so I wonder if changing it up a little might help at all. You mentioned that your dad and grandmother are great role models, so I wonder if maybe they might be able to suggest other things that you could do as well. That way you won't be forcing yourself to read for long periods of time. Is that something you might be interested in doing at all?
Hey @Courtney-RO
Not a problem re jumping in 😀
In terms of celebrating my achievement in Aboriginal Studies, I honeslty just ordered my favourite pizza from my favourite pizza place!
There is a book that I would like to read. It's not an Aboriginal based book, but I read it when I was in the pscyhiatric ward back in 2019, and I really liked it! I now have a copy of my own, and I plan on reading one chapter at a time. I was thinking that maybe I could do the same thing when I do borrow/buy Aboriginal based books.
Nan wants to visit Darwin in April next year to visit family. Unfortunately I can't go as I'll be completing my final year at adult school and dont want to miss out on school work.
Hey @-pringles-,
Thank you for sharing a little bit about your situation with us tonight. I am so sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. I can only imagine how hurtful this must have been for you, especially from your aunt. Do you mind me asking if you have you been able to share these feelings with anyone else? You are such a huge part of our community @-pringles- so I just want to remind you that you're not alone and we're all here to support you.
I am mindful of the impact this must be having on you and wonder what supports you have around you right now. Is there someone you might feel comfortable talking to about this? If you would ever like tot alk to someone, Kidshelpline is always available via both phone and webchat.
I am also going to send you an email, so please keep an eye out for that 😊
Hey @Courtney-RO
Apologies for the delayed response, I spoke with mum about how I was feeling and she was very attentive. She spoke with dad about how I was feeling and he told her that he has noticed a pattern... the pattern is that I tend to feel suicidal when I have been on holidays for too long. Which is very true, might I add. She also made me a ham and cheese sandwhich 💕
Thank You for acknowledging that I am a huge part of the RO community 😁 I have been chatting with my counsellor from Kids Helpline since I was 19. I am 24 now. She has been excellent for me! I will be seeking counselling further counselling (psychology) from a serivce called SONDER, which is the next step up from headsapce.
And Thank You for your email. I am feeling much better now 😁
@Philosophical_Rat I will respond to you ASAP 😀
Hi @-pringles-,
We're so glad to hear that you have had such a positive experience with Kids HelpLine, and that your mum has been a good source of support for you 💞 and speaking with a psychologist sounds like a really good next step 🙂
When you mention the pattern being connected to being on holidays for too long, what do you think might be happening? Can you identify things that have kept you feeling ok in the past?
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Know that there are people out there who care, and those who don't (like your aunt) don't matter. Think about the people in your life. Who are the people who are adding benfit to you and making you feel good? Keep them around and invest more into those relationships. Who are the people in your life who are negatively impacting you? Stop investing into those relationships, cut them off, and don't allow their disrespect in your life.
I hope you never feel ashamed of your Indigenousness, I'm white but I see being Aboriginal as such a powerful thing to be proud of. You are the decendant of a long line of survivors who have braved colonisation and genocide and forced extintion and yet you are here. Still standing, still alive. You are powerful, because you come from powerful.
As for a role model, write off your aunt, you don't want to be like her anyway, bitter predujuced and petty. Instead, is there an Aboriginal group/community/online page you can join? They probably know and are willing to teach you to be proud of your herrritage more than your aunt will ever. If you are still at school, maybe talk to your indigenous officer to see if they can network you up with a mentor or some quality resources.
also, talk to your mum and see if she is able to provide you with suppport, it sounds as if you are both in this situation together.
It's hard, because I want to have a relationship with my aunt, and my two cousins, her children,as well as her fiancé, but I honestly feel that she is making that difficult for myself and mum (as well as for nan and dad, her mother and brother.) For example, my aunt refuses to accept my follow request on Instagram (she has left it pending), and I also had no idea that my twelve-year-old cousin had a mobile phone. I spoke about my concerns to my Kids Helpline cousnellor, and she was not impressed with my aunt's behaviour towards her family. I attended her daughter's 1st birthday celebrations at the beginning of the month and my aunt still to this day hasn't informed my mother, father, and I about liking and being grateful for the presents we bought her. Nothing. But I am sure her snobby friends got a text!
There are many people in my life that definitley add benefit to it, like my family who my aunt acts too good for, and friends (even the ones who I don't always get the opportunity to catch up with.)
Hey @Philosophical_Rat and @Blake_RO
I apologise that it is taking me a while to respond. Life has been busy with Christmas coming up and all. I'll respond as soon as I can 🙂
I have to see my aunt tomorrow for Christmas celebrations, and I am not really looking forward to it. She hardly ever responds to my text messages, even though she claims to 'miss me.' Kind of over it if I am being honest with you all.
Hey @-pringles-, that sounds like such a difficult situation to be in. I can understand you not looking forward to it though, especially with everything that's going on. It can be really hard to believe someone when they say one thing but act another. I know it doesn't change anything, but I just want to say that we love having you here and hearing from you.
Is there something nice you could do for yourself tomorrow to give you something to look forward to?
I'm also wondering what you could do during the day if you're starting to feel a little uncomfortable. We have an article on Managing anxiety and I wonder if any of those activities might be able to help at all. What do you think?
