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TW: chronically stressed, etc

I am highly irritable and am struggling with noise 24/7.

I feel like I'm supposed to be grateful for living with others, etc but the sounds my family members make like going around whistling sends me into a panic attack type reaction caused by stress? !

 

Keep in mind i am chronically ill, so this added ongoing stress, heightened anxiety and ongoing depression flare is on top of this.

 

Spoiler
I have recently started an SSRI but i feel like I'm nearing a hospital admission due to the state of my physical health.

Like how can i even talk about the above with my family without sounding like a horrible person? !

 

Spoiler
I do tend to end up in hospital every 4 years (for any added worsening of my mental health). I have actually just surpassed this mark but know i probably should already be back in again. The issue is that i have so much medical trauma that hospital always makes me feel worse.

 

I don't know if this even properly covers everything (it actually probably doesn't) and i will absolutely be terrible at responding to you all due to how weak and sick i feel. 

It's taken me DAYS to even write this. Just know i absolutely DO appreciate you, even if i cannot respond at the moment. 

 

It honestly just sucks to absolutely NEVER feel like myself, not even for 5 seconds. I've felt this way for too long now.

Crystal_Vibes
Crystal_VibesPosted 19-04-2024 03:22 PM

Comments

 
Lapis_Anteater
Lapis_AnteaterPosted 19-04-2024 05:00 PM

Hey @Crystal_Vibes

 

That sounds like a lot of stress to have to deal with and a lot of things to have to manage simultaneously. It’s completely understandable to feel highly irritated. Chronic illness can require you to use up all your resources on survival, so often you don’t have the capacity to deal with annoyance.

 

If you can make the noise issue about you rather than the other person, people are more likely to be receptive. I have some level of misophonia so sounds really get to me. I found it helpful explain what it feels by relating it to sound they can’t tolerate e.g. nails on a chalkboard. Also, active noise cancelling earbuds have been a godsend, especially if you have to go into hospital.

 

I really hope things start to feel a little easier for you!

 
 
Crystal_Vibes
Crystal_VibesPosted 19-04-2024 07:11 PM

Hi @Lapis_Anteater

Thank you so much for your response. 🙂

 

I actually have earplugs but for some reason i can still hear things so much? Maybe I'll have to look into the earbuds that you've mentioned specifically. Thank you for mentioning this. 

 

Also you're so right - even when i was "doing better," chronic illness really is about just trying to exist and survive each day. Depending on one's situation anyway, which can definitely keep evolving overtime. 

 

Thanks again! ❤️

 
 
 
Lapis_Anteater
Lapis_AnteaterPosted 21-04-2024 01:20 PM

Hey @Crystal_Vibes

 

No problem!

 

I also found earplugs to dampen noise but not actually get rid of it sufficiently. Active noise cancelling ear buds work by playing other sound frequencies that cancel out the noise rather than just blocking your ability to hear things. Hopefully it’ll work for you too.

 

Definitely! If you get to the end of the day and you’re alive, I’d call it a success.

 
Astra-RO
Astra-ROPosted 19-04-2024 04:02 PM

Hey @Crystal_Vibes , it's really lovely to hear back from you.

 

It sounds like things have still been really tough managing your health and stress levels. It makes sense that you would be feeling irritated by the noise, especially with everything that's been going on. As I'm sure you know, it's also really normal for us to become irritable if our bodies are not getting enough energy from food and water. So I don't think this makes you ungrateful at all, it sounds more like your body and brain are sending off alarm bells.

 

Having medical trauma on top of everything would make it so much harder to go through this cycle of needing to go to hospital and access support. You have shown so much resilience and strength in managing these ongoing health concerns and I'm really proud of you for writing this and reaching out again. I can appreciate how frustrating and upsetting it can be not to feel like yourself. I'm wondering if there's anything you can do that could help you feel more like yourself? It could be something like watching a show or listening to music you enjoy. 

 

I do want to let you know that we'll be sending you an email soon to check in so please keep an eye out for that

 
 
Crystal_Vibes
Crystal_VibesPosted 19-04-2024 11:35 PM

Hi @Astra-RO

Yes - well not being able to eat/drink enough is part of my "normal" with my chronic health conditions. However this becomes worse when I'm under ongoing emotional strain. I definitely can understand this connection and how its affecting me both physically and mentally/emotionally as well.

 

Yes - i get maddening anxiety over anything medical, even just GP consults. It's definitely tough! 

 

I have been engaging in activities I'd usually enjoy, however it's actually been making me feel worse due to my noticing how it doesn't help like it normally would. 

 

Ah, okay. Emails, yikes! I've fallen off so badly with this but I'll try and remember to check sometime soon.

 

Thank you for your comment and kind words of support. I do appreciate it! 🙂 

 
 
 
Astra-RO
Astra-ROPosted 20-04-2024 05:44 PM

Hey @Crystal_Vibes thanks for your reply. That makes sense that not being able to eat/drink enough is part of your "normal" but that this can get worse when you're under stress. It's really understandable you get anxious about anything medical including seeing the GP with your history of medical trauma. I can also see why it would be frustrating when you're just trying to get through an already stressful situation and having to manage anxiety on top of this. 

 

It's really good you've been trying to engage in activities you usually enjoy, but it sounds like you're not getting much out of these at the moment with everything that's been going on. 

 

You are very welcome and I hope you continue to find support on the community.

 

Just a reminder that we did send you an email and we haven't heard back from you. We would really appreciate if you could send us a reply as we are quite concerned about your safety

 
Be_the_Light
Be_the_LightPosted 19-04-2024 03:47 PM

Hi @Crystal_Vibes 


It sounds like you are going through a challenging time at the moment and I commend you for sharing. The impact of chronic illness, anxiety and depression can be overwhelming with added stressors like noise and difficulty communicating with your family. Your feelings are completely valid but I understand that talking to your family about this can be daunting. 

 

Expressing what you need and what you are feeling is definitely not a reflection of being a “horrible person”. You are only advocating for yourself and seeking the support that you deserve. Being honest about how you are feeling could help your family understand your perspective. 

You mentioned that you recently started SSRI medication and are concerned about your physical health. If you feel you can, make sure you keep your healthcare provider informed. They may be able to adjust your treatment plan accordingly and offer guidance.

 

Remember to prioritise self-care even if this means small steps or asking help from others. You have already shown incredible resilience by reaching out. Take care of yourself 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

 
Lemon_Dolphin
Lemon_DolphinPosted 19-04-2024 03:42 PM

Hi @Crystal_Vibes 

 

I'm so sorry to hear your struggling. Praying for you and hope things start to improve.

 

Have you got anyone you can talk to about any of this? Maybe a doctor or a counselor?

 

It must be so hard. And you are so brave. 

 

Have you got some small self care activities that don't use.much energy but that will make you feel even a little bit better?

 

I just want to remind you that it is ok not to get out of bed. It's ok to rest. It's ok not to feel good. And you don't have to feel guilty for just resting. Because that's what you need at the moment.

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