Why I don't have any friend. Why there's nothing in my head?
I used to be a bright student back at my school. Passed out my school, entered in university and my brightness started dimming. After passing out from college, my brightness was gone. I had nothing in my head, no future plans, no strategies, no friends nothing. Now I'm turning 25 next month and my parents still yelling at me.
Sometimes I feel I'm still a child, have to listen to parents while my friends have started out their lives independently. Why am I unable to decide what to do in my life?
The thing is: I want to be self-dependent, skilled enough that I don't need future counsellors, career counsellors or stuffs like these.
Comments
I just want to say I really feel for you. What you’re going through is something a lot of people experience, even if it might not seem like it. I’ve been in a similar spot myself — I was the “bright student” all throughout school, but once I got to university, I started feeling lost. The motivation and confidence I used to have just faded, and it was hard not knowing where I was headed, especially when it seemed like everyone else had their lives figured out.
It’s so easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others, especially when your friends seem to be moving forward and you feel stuck. But the truth is, everyone’s journey is different, and most of the time we only see the highlights of other people’s lives, not the struggles and doubts they deal with behind the scenes.
I also noticed that even though you feel like you don’t have a plan, you’ve already taken the first step by knowing what you do want. Wanting to be self-dependent and skilled enough to stand on your own is a really clear goal, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet. From there, it’s just about breaking it into smaller steps. What skills interest you? What would you like to try? Starting small can help ease that overwhelming feeling and give you little wins to build your confidence back up. You could even start by asking the friends around you — the ones you’ve noticed are independent — how they got there. What helped them become more self-sufficient? What kind of struggles did they face along the way? Their answers might surprise you and help you see that everyone starts somewhere.
And honestly, there’s nothing wrong with asking for help along the way. Whether it’s advice from friends, talking to someone who’s been through the same thing, or working with a mentor or counselor, sometimes leaning on others can help you move forward with more clarity and confidence.
You’re not falling behind, even if it feels like it right now. A lot of people don’t figure out their path until later in life — some at 30, some even at 40 — and that doesn’t make their journey any less meaningful or successful. You’re still capable, you still have time, and you still have the power to shape your life into something you’re proud of.
It’s okay to feel stuck right now, but this isn’t permanent. You’ve already taken the first step just by thinking about what you want. I believe in you — and I hope you can start believing in yourself too, even just a little.
Thanks for reaching out and expressing your feelings. I hope just articulating yourself also made you feel a little bit better - writing out your feelings can be a very powerful outlet.
I appreciate that you want to become self-dependent. That's a good first step. Your journey is also very non-linear! It took me a long time to realise this, especially if you're surrounded by people who keep flaunting how successful they are at such young ages.
Not only is it unrealitic but probably not entirely accurate.
I'm wondering if your University has any work-related support, including for students who have finished. Like a place that helps you develop a resume, find you connections, send you recommended places to work, etc. Even just volunteering!
The most valuable thing I can recommend is trying to develop a routine. Usually this is the most helpful when you work towards finding a job. Any job! You have a responsibility, you have financial incentive, often you have to interact with others and can create those connections with your co-workers, etc. Maube it's the confidence you establish from this routine that helps you progress onto other goals
Let me know what you think?
Hey @Astroadvisor,
It sounds like you’ve been feeling pretty stuck, and that can be a really hard place to be in, especially when it feels like everyone else is moving forward.
That shift from being a strong student to feeling lost after uni? It's more common than people admit. I, at least, remember feeling that exact same way. School gives structure, and once that’s gone, it’s normal to feel unsure about what’s next. It doesn’t mean you’ve lost anything, just that you’re in a different stage that takes time to figure out.
Also, wanting to be independent and not have to rely on counsellors or other people makes sense, especially when you’re used to pushing yourself. But no one figures things out completely on their own, so needing support for a bit now doesn’t mean that you’ll always need it.
In the meantime I'm wondering if there's anything you can do in the coming days to take care of yourself? For my self-care, I find that the smallest of things can make a big difference in helping to ground me in the moment. This can range from going on a walk outside or cooking my favourite food.
All in all, I hope you know you're not alone as the ReachOut community will always be here to listen and support you. WIshing you the very best moving forward! 💛
Hi @Astroadvisor,
Welcome to the Online Community and thank you for sharing what you’re going through at the moment. It shows a lot of strength and courage to reach out and the community is here to support you 😊
I can hear how challenging it has been since finishing university and noticing how your brightness has slowly dimmed over the years, and I can imagine how incredibly painful that must be to feel. It sounds like it has been difficult to decide what you want to do in your life and find some connection with others. Feeling uncertain about your future and plans is a lot for anyone to experience and it’s understandable if you’re feeling overwhelmed with deciding what to do. Leaving university is a big chapter and transition so it’s valid if you’re unsure about what’s next.
I’m interested if you have had the chance to reach out to friends or family about how you’re feeling lately?
I’m also sorry to hear that it’s been hard to feel a sense of independence since finishing University. It sounds like it’s been really disheartening to view the lives of other people while also comparing yourself. I want to acknowledge how heavy it can be to reflect on a time when life felt brighter, and sharing your thoughts here with the community shows a lot of resilience and self-insight.
These are strong feelings to be experiencing, and I am wondering what you have been doing to take care of yourself during this time?
You might also be interested in checking out this collection of articles about goal setting and this other article about loneliness.
I also just want to let you know, that I have made some edits in your post to keep in line with the community guidelines 🙂
Looking forward to hearing from you 🙂
