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am i expecting too much?

for context: i'm in hospital right now for a minor medical episode (i'm okay, just here for monitoring)

 

i'm in hospital and my friends keep saying they'll come to visit me and they don't? when i spent my second night here yesterday. they ended up being busy but spoiler alert they weren't, they were hanging out with eachother. they called this morning and said they would come but it's 2 hours till visiting hours are finished and i have little hope that they even remembered to come. it's been really isolating not being able to talk to anyone but my mum (who when she comes overwhelms me with questions) and my nurses (who i've been telling year level drama to, since i have noone else to tell).

 

am i expecting too much from them? if they were in my shoes, i'd drop everything and visit them as much as they wanted me to. i feel pretty lonely and i feel even worse because i feel like it's not their responsibility to anyway. am i asking for too much?

hessstar
hessstarPosted 13-06-2024 06:11 PM

Comments

 
Green_Ghost
Green_GhostPosted 17-06-2024 07:03 PM

Hey there @hessstar

 

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way, and that your friends have not come to visit. You are definitely not asking too much. I think it is admirable that you would do for them what you wish they would come do for you.

 

If you're still currently in hospital, maybe it's worth telling them how this has made you feel? Or perhaps reminding them during the day about their promise to come and see you? It's not their responsibility to come and see you, but I know that if my friend was in the hospital I would come to see them and support them through this time ❤️ best wishes for a speedy monitoring period/recovery

 
miso_soup
miso_soupPosted 14-06-2024 09:03 PM

Hi @hessstar

Hope you're doing okay! It must be so frustrating and lonely to be in hospital and not have your friends follow through on their promises to visit. I don't think you're expecting too much, it is so understandable to feel disappointed in this situation. 

Like others have suggested, it might help to let your friends know how you're feeling. They may not know how much of an impact this has had on you, and how much it would mean to you if they could give you some company. 

In the mean time, if you need to talk/vent, I'm here to listen. Hope you get better soon!

 
apricotprincess
apricotprincessPosted 14-06-2024 09:56 AM

Hiya, hope you are doing okay and i hope everything is going well. 

I honestly dont think you are expecting too much from them at all. I dont think its about a 'responsibility' to come visit, rather it should be about them sticking to their word. If they say they are going to come, then it can be really hard to deal with when they dont end up coming. I appreciate that you'd do the same for them, thats really sweet 😄 I think it might be helpful to have a chat with them, just to let them know your bored/isolated/lonely, and that you were really excited about them to come give you company. I think its important to let them know how you feel about them not following through with their visit. Using 'I" statements (e.g. I feel like...) may help get your message across easier. Just remeber that your feelings in this situation are so valid, and dont let anyone discredit your feelings. 

 

I hope you feel better soon! Im here if youd like some company ❤️ 

 
ru
ruPosted 14-06-2024 09:17 AM

Hi @hessstar, sorry to hear your your in hospital. It is understandable that you are feeling this way. Just remember your feelings are valid. When your in hospital, it's natural to want support from your friends so feeling hurt and disappointed when they don't turn up when promised is valid. It is also important that you share your feelings with them and let them know how much it would mean to you if they visited. Right now, just focus on what you can control. Focus on self-care and maybe engaging in self-care activities such as reading, maybe watch a show, or any favourite hobbies? These tasks can help make your stay more comfortable. Lastly, take this as a time to reflect on your current friendships. If you are finding that you put more int he friendship then them, consider if there are ways to address this.

 

Overall, I think your a great friend. So right now focus on your well-being and don't hesitate to contact any other friend.  

 
Midnight_Otter
Midnight_OtterPosted 14-06-2024 08:50 AM

Hey @hessstar

 

I am so sorry to hear that your in hospital, I know how isolating it can feel when you are in hospital. I am also so sorry to hear that your friends are not coming to visit you, while you are there. 

 

Similary, to what the others have said you are not asking too much for wanting your friends to come and visit you while you are in the hospital. I know what it's like to feel isolated from others when you would different for them. Maybe see if you can have a conversation with them and mention how you are feeling...

 

Do you have an hobbies, like reading a book etc, which could help take your mind off things while you are in the hospital? I know reading a book, whether it be physical or on electronic can help calms my anxiety when I have been at the hospital. 

 

I hope you get better soon

 
appletree
appletreePosted 13-06-2024 09:11 PM

Hey! @hessstar, hope you are okay!! I am glad you reached out. In my opinion, you are not expecting too much. Especially if your friends specifically said they would visit. It is really tough when the people you rely on aren't there during the challenging times. 

 

Is there anything else that is helping to keep your mind occupied at the moment? Maybe you could also gently remind your mum that you're feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment and suggest that maybe she could hold off on asking so many questions for a while. I'm sure she will understand - being in hospital is a lot! 

 

P.S. I think it is really wonderful that you would be so willing to visit your friends if they were in your situation 🙂 

 
Sprouting_Flowers
Sprouting_FlowersPosted 13-06-2024 08:02 PM

Hi @hessstar  , 
 
I am really sorry to hear about what you're going through at the moment. Hospital stays can be so clinical and impersonal, so you're feelings of loneliness are completely valid. It is very understandable why you feel hurt by your friend's inaction, especially when they know you would have gone out of your way to visit them. Wanting support from your friends is completely normal and is NOT asking too much of them. So, it is entirely natural that you feel disappointed as your expectations were not met, especially after such a stressful experience. 
 
Like @Be_the_Light@Be_the_Light mentioned, I was wondering if you could gently let your friends know how much you'd appreciate their visits and how their actions (or lack thereof) are impacting you now. 
 
Regardless, I want you to know that you're not alone and are NOT expecting too much. 
 
Hope you are taking good care of yourself. Sending you strength! 

 
Be_the_Light
Be_the_LightPosted 13-06-2024 07:04 PM

I am so sorry to hear that you are in hospital @hessstar. Hope you are still doing ok. Feeling lonely isn’t fun especially when you’re not feeling well. Visitors can definitely help. I just want to say that it is completely understandable that you might be feeling upset that your friends have not come to visit. Friendship is a two-way relationship and you should get what you put into it. I don’t believe that you are expecting too much. Can I ask though if you have tried speaking to your friends about how you are feeling? I know this can be hard but seeing what they say in response to your feelings might give you some clarity about why they haven’t been able to come. Hopefully they make the effort to come and see you soon. 

Here if you just feel like having a chat while you’re in hospital. Hope everything goes well 🫶🏻

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