help
Hi everyone.
So basically, the only people I talk to on a day to day basis are my boyfriend and my family. Other than that I'm very lonely. I have no close friends at school and I have 2 close friends outside of school but we don't talk daily. I feel like I'm dependent on my bf and if I'm not speaking to him, I'm speaking to no one and it gets super lonely. Ofc I don't want to burden him by begging for attention all the time and since we're in year 12 he spends a lot of time studying which I don't want to disturb. My heart physically aches from loneliness. Why does he still have good friends but I'm lonely? I hate the way I'm living. I'm addicted to my phone waiting for a response for him which comes every few hours. I spend no quality time for myself and I used to be so good at school and that's just going down now because I hardly study because I'm always on my phone. How can I make friends. I have anxiety and depression and I am seeking therapy. I feel so stupid and idiotic when I speak to my bf about my mental health issues because he's completely normal and mentally okay and I just feel like a psycho. I feel physically sick when I open Instagram seeing everyone hanging out with friends. I'm so completely and utterly lonely and I just want to die.
Comments
Hey there @Cinnamon_Bear thank you for sharing with us. It's never easy to be able to be open about such raw and vulnerable emotions. Loneliness is really hard, it can cut right to our core. We're biologically wired to be social creatures, so I want you to remember that the depth of your pain is very valid.
I'm really glad to hear that you are seeking a therapist to help you navigate these feelings. I hope you can find a good one, someone with whom you feel safe and comfortable to be open. In case you haven't already seen them, we also have some stuff about loneliness here. We've also got this one: 11 things to do if you're feeling lonely. Or if you wanted to talk to someone about what you're going through you can connect with us via Peer Chat.
I know it might be the same as connecting with friends, but you could also buzz KHL as often as needed when you're feeling lonely. Every helpline has its regulars, it's totally okay to be connecting with them as often as you need to to cope. Maybe next time you're waiting for a text from your bf, or feeling particularly isolated, you could give them a buzz.
Another thought - have you ever spoken to your bf about how it feels for him when you're talking with him about your mental health? It's okay to ask him for some reassurance around it all. You might be surprised by how nonjudgemental he is - I mean he's sticking around with you right? We are our own worst critics, I can imagine he would just want to be supportive. You're not stupid for wanting to talk about your feelings, in fact I think you're brave for doing so. What's shareable is bearable in my experience, so talking about it is definitely better than bottling it up inside.
It might be a weird line but - you're not alone in your loneliness. It's really awesome that you are taking the steps that you are in order to help you move through these feelings. Keep an eye out for an email from us some time soon too, and of course I'm here to listen if you have more you'd like to share tonight 💚
