love is embarrassing (literally, quote unquote oli r)
i haven't been on this platform for a few months, and i think it's been a first in a while where i felt a little heavy and something big enough of a deal to bother me.
except; it's not a big deal at all help
i've always been very dumb around the subject of love, as a natural teenager would, in interest to dating and etc. theres this guy that i first thought was like- literally sent from god because he was such an angel and lovely, and i've been talking to him a lot but then from one day he started being a bit more distant, at first it was fine, it was just a bit of like ignoring me in the hallways, typa stuff. but then he seems to hate me now ? he snapped at me and swore a lot just because i asked if he was busy (which was surprising, because he never swears), and now i feel super dumb and paranoid, because i dont think i ever knew him that well in the first place and just overreacting, but i cant get him out of my head.
hes moving schools from next term (in a few days), should i go cold turkey and unadd him on our main messaging platform (snap), or just let him ignore me? i usually don't get into all the hatred stuff and usually don't unadd anyone even if i'm mad at them, but i feel like it would bug me- what should i do ?
Comments
Hey @uncaged
That must be really difficult for you, a person you seemingly admire being an angel one minute and then distant and cold the next. I don't think asking a person if they're busy should warrant them snapping at you. It must be confusing for you. I don't think it's an overreaction to feel this way.
Totally understandable if not, but would you consider reaching out to him and asking why he's decided to act this way all of a sudden? Maybe that could give you a chance to express how that made you feel and gain some clarity on why he did that? That could allow you to make an informed decision on whether or not to unadd him, ignore him, etc... And perhaps this situation would bug you a little less from that clarity.
In the mean time, I hope you're looking after yourself and practicing some self-care. It's not a nice feeling when this sort of situation arises. I hope you can do some activities that you love and that make you feel good 🙂
@Green_Ghost thank you for reaching out, words can't describe how much i really appreciate it. i'll definitely think about talking to him about the situation, but yes, i've been a little better, since i'm now back in school with my mates that are here to listen to me. thank you so much x
Hi @uncaged,
Thank you so much for reaching out! It takes great strength to acknowledge that we may at times feel heavy. I noticed you said that this was not a big deal, however, this situation seems to be bothering you.
It is difficult when things change, especially when a person changes. However, it is very important for you to acknowledge how you are feeling in response to this change in behaviour. It is common to look for evidence that the person we initially met is still present. Then we tend to ignore all the evidence that they have changed and are no longer making us feel good. I want to ask you how it felt to have this person snap at you when you reached out?
Facing reality and acknowledging that some things change is a big challenge. This means accepting this person as they currently are and how they are currently behaving. As for removing this person off of social media, there is no immaturity nor hatred involved in this. If this person's presence on your snapchat list makes you feel upset and distressed, I would suggest removing them. Establishing boundaries has nothing to do with hatred and everything to do with self-love. However, you should listen to your gut in this instance, you know yourself best. I would also like to remind you that you are not an option, nor do you deserve to have someone snap and swear at you.
Thank you again for reaching out, looking forward to hearing from you 🤗
hello @LittlePisces , thank you so so much for responding.
in response to your question, at the moment when he snapped, i felt alarmed, distressed and just a little taken aback at the time. it made me feel like i never knew him (though it is partly true, i've only talked to him for a month or so), and that made me feel dumb in a sort of way, maybe he just got tired of me or found someone new. feels like i was in a sort of low-key version of a fling, and seeing him leaving me on delivered makes me just feel dumb.
again, thank you for responding, i feel a lot better since i'm back at school with my friends. x
Hey @uncaged
It’s confusing when people’s behaviour changes suddenly. There so many reason that could explain the difference in his behaviour and that makes it difficult to know who he actually is. We can only really build ideas of people based on the information that is currently available. It’s perfectly natural to be hurt when the relationship you had with someone changes for no discernible reason.
Sometimes we make allowances for people primarily because we are romantically interested in them. I think if you wouldn’t accept a friend or acquaintance treating you the way he has, it might be better to cut contact. There’s nothing wrong with unadding someone because they aren’t being kind to you. In the end, it is completely up to you.
hello @Lapis_Anteater , thank you so much for replying.
thank you for your concerns, yes, i am feeling well since i am back at school. i'll definitely take into mind about the allowance in romance and unadding people on social media. thank you so much x
Hey @uncaged it's lovely to hear from you again and thanks for sharing a bit about what's been bothering you.
It sounds like you really believe this isn't a big deal, but I don't think you're overreacting at all to what's happened! When we find out someone we like isn't who they seemed to be, it can be really disorienting and it can lead us to question our own judgement. I can hear you were quite fond of this person and it sounds like you had a crush on him, is that right? Having him go from acting really sweet towards you, to ignoring you, then to swearing and snapping at you would of course be upsetting! Though it sounds like we can't know for sure why his behaviour has changed, it has been upsetting and bugging you. It doesn't sound like you would be unadding him in hatred but more to set a boundary in order to look after yourself, but of course the decision is yours and you know the situation and yourself best.
I'm wondering if there's anything nice you can do for yourself? We have some resources on self-care here if you are needing
@Astra-RO thank you for your reply, i really appreciate it.
thank you for the consideration, it did make me feel a little better about myself.
i'll definitely take a look at the resources you provided ! thank you so much x
