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things are burdening me a bit too much

I am getting married in four days and I have a lot of thoughts in my head. I've known him for two years and deep in my heart I know that he loves me.

I didn't really have a stable metal health since my teenage years and I have been better in late years ; but since we set a date for our marriage my mental health has really gotten messy.

I have doubts and with smallest things I think that everything is not right.

I don't really know what to do and I don't have anybody to talk to..

what if I am making the wrong decision 

 

mochi
mochiPosted 09-05-2021 08:10 PM

Comments

 
Janine-RO
Janine-ROPosted 10-05-2021 12:20 PM

Hi @mochi, I just wanted to check in with you and see how you're feeling today? Getting married is a huge step in life, and it can be a really stressful and overwhelming time. We're always here if you want to chat through things, it can help a lot to just get things out of your head, and on to the page. 

 

I'm married myself, and I have a lot of friends who got married quite young- I just wanted to reassure you that it's okay to take a step back, and think really carefully about what you're doing.

It's a really courageous thing to be able to recognise, and admit to yourself,  that you might be having doubts- and it's also really common and normal to be feeling every emotion under the sun in the leadup to your wedding. It is a pretty wild and stressful time! You've mentoined that your mental health has got pretty messy, have you seen a psychologist or counsellor to help you work through what's been happening for you? 

 

It must be really hard feeling like you don't have anyone to talk to about this - We are always here to listen,  this is a really non judgemental and safe space. I hope you are feeling OK today @mochi and were able to do something nice for yourself last night. 

 
 
mochi
mochiPosted 12-05-2021 03:59 PM

Thank you for asking; I am doing better, it was hard for me but I reviewed my decision again and it helped me a lot and now I have less doubt. Honestly I think I always had this feeling about everything if I'm doing the wrong thing even in the littlest details and it overwhelms me so I decided to make an appointment with a psychologist for next week.

I am still stressed but I'm managing better

Again than you for helping me.

 

 
 
 
Taylor-RO
Taylor-ROPosted 12-05-2021 10:54 PM

Hi @mochi, great to hear that you are feeling less doubt. I am glad that you have spoken up about this because this can be a common way that people feel with major long-term decisions. It is important to chat to someone if you think these feelings are too intense or interfering with your life.

 

Well done on making an appointment with a psychologist. I imagine it must have been difficult to do that. I really do hope that it brings you some comfort and helps you to manage the stress that you have been experiencing.

 
MaryRO
MaryROPosted 09-05-2021 09:07 PM

Hey @mochi

 

It's normal to be nervous making the decision to get married. I can understand that there may be a lot at stake here if things go wrong. In saying that we don't always know what the future holds and we can only make our future decisions by what is happening right now and what has happened to you in the past.

 

My question to you is has your partner treated you in the way that you want to be treated. You say that you know deep in your heart that he loves you. If he loves you and he is also treating you well, is there anything else you would like from a partnership? What do you think is missing that's a deal breaker? No one is ever going to be a perfect person in our lives. The ones we love will generally challenge us the most and move us out of our comfort zones the most. Is this relationship with your fiance the relationship you have wanted for so long?

 

Can you take yourself back to the time when you said yes to getting married? What was it like for you? Why did you say yes? Why have you been with your partner for 2 years? Can you write down the reasons why you think your relationship will work out long term? Also, can you write down why is your partner the best partner for you? These questions might help you see things from a different point of view than you might be looking at the situation right now.

 

When you have the list of positives, do they outweight the negetives? Please remember to breathe and to ground yourself as well. Remember it is very normal to become nervous before getting married and this is just a time of reflection. 

 
 
mochi
mochiPosted 12-05-2021 04:11 PM

Hi, Than you for undrestanding:)
you know , he really treats me well to the point I sometimes think I don't deserve him. There are things I like to change in our relashonship of course but my whole concern is tht ehat if I can't make him happy as well?

I have this feeling of happiness in me when i think about the wedding but I don't know if I am the best partner for him too..?

 
 
 
scared01
scared01Posted 12-05-2021 08:02 PM

Hi @mochi 

 

im not married myself but i know quite a few who are and have heard they had doubts sometimes too. i know for some of them it was the pressure to have the 'perfect wedding' and not so much doubting the relationship. do you think the pressure of planning a wedding and making so many decisions could be apart of how your feeling right now?

 

its a good idea you can speak to your psychologist as well

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