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I am disappointed on myself

Hi, this is my first time posting here, but I would just like to share my feelings right now. This week has been the terrible week that I have felt. A few days ago, I've been called out of class because the teacher needed to have conversations with me about cheating in the exam. The backstory is, I stupidly let my peers to look into my answers to my health and PE exam. We are all struggling with it and so do I. I just want the test to be over with. But yet, I am disappointed on my action. My friends was quick to hear that I cheated. On Discord, one of them decided to call me out saying that I needed to "grow up" and "learn" from it. Because the thing is, a similar issue happened back in 2021. It was me looking up definitions in PAT by using the look up option in the iPad if you select a text. She quoted on that. I talked to her that it is not okay to mention about it again, it felt like trauma for some reason. But she kept going on. It left me into leaving the server on Discord where she talked about it and just keeping it quiet when I am at school. I used to talk a lot with my friend group in school, but after what had happened, they aren't willing to talk to me, after one person from the group that exposed what have I done. I always maintain silence in classes until someone talk to me. I don't want to start up conversation if they don't really like me.

 

Just this morning, I got called out of class again. And again, this is probably me cheating, so I talked to the teacher, "is this about cheating again?", and guess what? Yeah. But this time it's me, being such a smart ass that I've used ChatGPT to help out with my assessment tasks. I've been using it to improve my essay and sentences in my English, Humanities, and Health & PE. My English teacher mentioned that my voice in my essay in the highly supervised, very good result exam is really different from what I've handed in in the assessment task. I admitted to what I've done. But I thought I was doing the right thing, I've not misused ChatGPT, just rather improving my work. But it changes my wording so much that I sounded like a completely different person.

 

I regret to the things I've done, but I am stressed about it still, mainly because how I am left out and needing to be quiet about everything that I've done just because I don't want things to get worst between me and my friends.

 

Tomorrow, my teacher will call my mum to talk about what I've done. I've also talked to my mum tonight, and she is calm and caring and just advised to me to not do it again next time. I apprentice what my mum have told me. But I still feel so much regret and hate on myself that I just can't bare with the school anymore. I felt like I wanna move out of the school after this semester has ended. (I forgot to mention, I live with my mum's friend to complete my school since this year is my last year of school. My mum and my family are located away from me, I visit them frequently in the weekend and in the holidays.) I rather move out to my family and just study there, completely forgetting what I've done. My friends back then advised to me that I shouldn't move, mainly the same reason of what I've said and also mentioned that I've got them to hang out with for the last year. But, they're not cooperating with me right now. Nor do they check in with myself. I've been trying to cope with everything without them.

 

I really hate myself at this moment and really wanted this to end.

 

 

Danial
DanialPosted 15-06-2023 08:43 PM

Comments

 
DDandy
DDandyPosted 18-06-2023 04:29 PM

Hi @Danial , I hope you have been doing well over these weekends. I can really hear how low you are feeling about this experience and how it has been impacting your thoughts about school and your future. I just wanted to echo Chloe's earlier comments and it sounds like you are very reflective of yourself and want to make up for the situation, which I think is an amazing strength that far outshines the one or two mistakes you have made!

 
Chloe-RO
Chloe-ROPosted 15-06-2023 09:40 PM

Hey there @Danial ,

 

Firstly, welcome to the forums. Thank you for taking the time to share what has been happening for you recently. It sounds like it's a lot to go through when you are living away from your family. It is no wonder you feel like you are on your own, especially in terms of your schooling.

 

From reading your post, it sounds like looking words up during PAT as well as using ChatGTP for an assignment was not with the intention of 'cheating' - what would you say? Believe it or not, most students engage in activities that can be considered as 'cheating', but mostly, it is done unintentionally. I hear it is your last year of school, so this may add more pressure. I'm glad you were able to speak to your mum about it. It sounds like it was an important conversation to have.

 

Moving forward, where plagiarism, 'cheating' etc is something to be very careful of, is in uni. I'm sorry you have had to had these experiences while at school. As much as we can say that ultimately, PAT scoring etc doesn't affect your finals, I recognise the emotional impact it has had on you and your friend circle. 

 

Do you feel there is anyone you can speak to at school about this? For example, the wellbeing co-ordinator? It just seems like it may be more disruptive to switch schools now, considering you only have a few months left. Maybe for now, it's about finding supports and people you can speak to to help you through these last few months?

 

For example, you can have a 1:1 chat with a Peer Worker https://au.reachout.com/peerchat or contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 https://kidshelpline.com.au/; Headspace https://headspace.org.au/

 

Being about to have someone listen to you without judgement can make a world of difference.

 

You are not alone.

 

 
 
Danial
DanialPosted 15-06-2023 10:39 PM

Hi Chloe,

 

Thanks for responding. I don't really like talking to the wellbeing coordinator about it, based on past experiences. It's a difficult time, and unfortunately, it didn't really help me out.

 

I also sometimes discuss these feelings with my online friends, seeking understanding and comfort as a form of support, as well as my parents.

 

I understand the importance of university and the need to avoid such actions. I deeply regret my actions and will do my best to learn from this experience and improve myself. The only thing that worries me now is my report for my subjects, as the teacher mentioned that my grades might be marked as NS due to my involvement in cheating. They mentioned that they need to discuss it with the principal.

 
 
 
Blake_RO
Blake_ROPosted 16-06-2023 03:00 PM

Hey @Danial 

It’s great to hear that you have been able to connect with your online friends and that your parents have also been so supportive! I know that you mentioned that you don’t like talking to the wellbeing coordinator which is understandable if you haven’t had the best experiences in the past. I was wondering if you have looked into the peer chat sessions that were mentioned or thought about reaching out to Kids Helpline? It might be a nice option for you to talk to someone online about how you are feeling and get some more support.

It’s important to know that making mistakes is completely normal and something we all do. And it is okay to make mistakes (that’s what makes us human). We all find ourselves in situations where we make choices that aren’t always the best but it is something we can learn from.  

I can hear that you’re feeling upset with yourself about this and I’m sorry to hear that but it’s important to know that you are not alone in experiencing this. Sometimes when we make mistakes, they can be opportunities for growth, self-reflection and something we can all learn from. It sounds like you weren’t aware that using ChatGPT was cheating as you were using it to help with your structure and sentences, but now that you are more aware it could be something to be mindful of for your other subjects. Or perhaps you could speak with your teachers about how you could use ChatGPT in a way that is beneficial for you without cheating?

It sounds like you are acknowledging what has happened and taken responsibility for it and this isn’t easy to do, it takes a lot of courage and strength to do so and you should be really proud of yourself. I wanted to share this article with you that you may find helpful, it’s about recovering after making a mistake.

Whilst I can hear how upset you are with yourself, it’s important that you remain kind to yourself as you deserve compassion and forgiveness. Are there any nice things that you can do for yourself over the weekend to make you feel better? If you want some ideas on what to do, we have a collection of resources about self-care that you can access here.

Remember that making mistakes is something we all do and it allows us to learn and become better versions of ourselves.

Thank you again for reaching out, we are all here to listen and support you.

 
 
 
 
Danial
DanialPosted 23-06-2023 06:55 PM

Hi Natalie,

To answer your questions, yes I did discuss with the teacher on how I can use ChatGPT ethically whilst I was in a conversation with the teacher. I am currently in work experience and having fun with my manager. 

 

But just today, I just received my school report and the only things that's not there is my VCE English. Should I be worried? Do I have to resit my unit 1 again? Would I not graduate? Like the rest of the subjects is good, I even got an A in my media arts. But English is very important for me to pass. I felt like the need to move again to not be embarassed, seeing that I might have to be moved to normal English classes. I am capable of doing it, but this is all my fault. I shouldn't have cheated. 

 

I have read the articles but things have gone worst unfortunately. I don't know what to do, I am calm, but I'm scared to go to school next term, seeing that I've failed. The teacher probably gonna call me out of the class and have a meeting and all that and it's stressing me out just to even think about it.

 

What do I do?

 
 
 
 
 
Chloe-RO
Chloe-ROPosted 23-06-2023 10:06 PM

Hey @Danial ,

 

That's a lot to sit with through the school holidays. I hear you were able to speak to your teacher which is a great start. I'm glad to hear you are having fun at work experience. Seems to take the load off a bit.

 

Firstly, well done on your achievements at school. It is understandable that you are worried that VCE english is not there. There could be a number of reasons:

1) they haven't come to a conclusion about how to report on it for you

2) they forgot to add it

3) they want to speak to you first before finalising the report

4) they want to give you a chance to sit another SAC/assessment before giving you the final mark

 

English is compulsory as you know. So maybe you could email your teacher or something so it can be off your shoulders over the holidays? There's nothing else they can do over the holidays about it.

 

Would you consider taking time out to enjoy your holidays instead and cross that bridge when you get there?

 

Come on, you deserve it 🙂

 
 
 
 
 
Danial
DanialPosted 24-06-2023 12:49 AM

Dear Chloe,
I have taken your advice and I've decided to email my teacher regarding my concerns and my feelings to get it off the chest. I hope she checks it over the holidays, as it's quite a lengthy email that I've written.


Thanks for helping me out and I'll update it to you as soon as possible
Regards,
Danial

 

 
 
 
 
 
Chloe-RO
Chloe-ROPosted 24-06-2023 02:53 PM

Kudos to you for giving it a go @Danial .

 

It may not mean that there are no repercussions from the incident, however, it is off your chest for the next two weeks at least. 

 

So now, do something pleasant for yourself over the holidays. You've done what you can, and you can't do any more about what has happened. As much as we may want to take back what has happened, the reality is, you can't. So now it's about how to move forward, learn from it, and continue to hold your head high.

 

Enjoy your school holidays and we look forward to hearing how it all goes for you.

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