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I have no friends?
Hi, I don't post here lots, but I'm really struggling at the moment. I've not been in school since monday, which is normal for me (chronic illness kicks my ass) but it's sort of hit me I have no friends. Like I have a lot of connections, people I chat to in class and I'm a generally very out going and confident person. I love talking to new people at school about ANYTHING! But. Comes break time, I'm by myself. I don't have people to sit with, no one to even just like, hang out with. I've literally just started the HSC course, today we all got our jerseys and people posted photos smiling and having a great time, and all I could think about was how no one will care when I get mine. I moved to this school recently, maybe a year now, but I think everyone assumes I have people, and I don't. I have my lovely boyfriend and friends back home but I'm just alone? I struggle with reaching out to the friends I do have at school (think friends from classes with their own groups, some people in these groups don't like me, ect) because I'm worried they'll think I'm being dramatic or like, annoying. SO! How do I get over the fear of being alone? Or thinking it makes me unlovable at least. I work weekends too, so I can't hang out outside of school, and also I do everything else right. I'm on meds, I read lots, make art, go to therapy, I do powerlifting three times a week, and run twice a week. I walk my dog heaps too, so I don't get why this affects me so much. Help?
Comments
Hey @OnionVolcano
I hear you. It’s really tough when you feel like you're surrounded by people but still feel so alone, especially when it seems like everyone else has their own groups. Moving to a new school, starting the HSC—it’s a lot to handle, and it’s hard when you don’t feel like you’re fitting in the way you want to.
I get why you feel frustrated. You’re outgoing, you make an effort, and it can feel like you’re doing everything right, but when it comes to those quiet moments, like breaks or after school, the loneliness hits. And the fear of reaching out because you're worried people will think you're being annoying or dramatic is really real. It sucks when you want to be seen and included, but it feels like people just assume you're fine.
I don’t think that means you're unlovable though. You’re clearly someone who’s got a lot of strength—you're already managing so much, like therapy, fitness, your art. But it’s also okay to admit that sometimes that doesn't feel like enough. It's hard to break out of that feeling of being alone, but honestly, you’re not the only one feeling like this, even if it seems that way.
You deserve to have people around you who appreciate you for who you are. Sometimes, it takes a bit of time to build those connections, and I know that can feel frustrating when you want things to happen right now. You’ve got to be kind to yourself through this, even when it feels like you're stuck. The loneliness doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or that you’re not worthy of friendship—it just means you're in a tough phase that will pass. Keep being you, keep reaching out in small ways when you can, and trust that the right people will come along.💛
Hi there @OnionVolcano
It sounds like you're having a difficult time making proper friendships at this new school. I'm hearing that you're generally a very outgoing and confident person, and have been interacting with others, but come break time you're sitting by yourself.
Making friends can be difficult, especially the older you get. Overcoming thoughts of wondering what others will think of you is also difficult too. I'm wondering if anything has given you the impression that others may think you're dramatic or annoying for reaching out to them?
When I was at school I tried to steer the conversations I had with others to more personal topics, such as shared interests. I found this really deepened my connection to others and we bonded over these, as well as sharing jokes and such. I also would ask if I could study with them in the library once I built a foundation with them on these shared interests, or sit with them in breaks.
Look after yourself, be kind to yourself. Remember that you've also got quite a full schedule at the moment, which could make it difficult at times in regards to hanging out outside of school. I would say the best thing when it comes to making friends is persistence in trying to connect with people. It sounds like you're displaying a pretty great effort with persistence already 💜
Hello @OnionVolcano
It looks like you are having a hard time at the moment and I'm sorry to hear that you are having a tough time making friends at your current school. Apart from that, it is glad to see that you have your boyfriend as well as your friends back home.
In regards to moving to another school, I feel that as well, the first time I ever moved from my home country to Australia, I was also incredibly alone. I went to all the social events, join cultural community and so on, but in the end while I had a good time during those events, I never really made friends. This lasted for quite some time until I eventually didn't went off and "actively" seek friends, opting to just improve myself and focus on my studies. However, I did eventually find some friends through other means, such as small study sessions as well as classroom shenanigans.
In regards to this, I feel like the efforts that you are doing is quite remarkable and it is great to see that you have put in a lot of time in improving yourself as well. Personally, I think making friends that would take you far take time and one much take care and be patient with it, albeit it does get draining and frustrating ( been there as well 😅)
Finally as previously mentioned by @LilacLeopard14, How to make friends and meet new people is an excellent article to check up to guide you on certain steps that can help you in engaging with people and making friends. In any case, I hope this was of help and I hope that you get to make friends as the time comes 😊.
Hey @OnionVolcano 🩶
I am so sorry to hear you’ve been struggling lately, but I am glad you decided to seek support. we are all here for you. I definitely understand where you are coming from. Feeling like you know and get along with many people but aren’t really that close with any of them can feel really isolating. Starting your HSC is can also be a daunting transition, and with no friends to share it with - it’s completely understandable you would be feeling all these emotions and questioning yourself.
I notice you are also worried that some people may find you annoying and would therefore not want you in your group. Can I ask - do you think this is objectively true, or is your brain just tricking you? I truly think people are kinder than we first think, and we often assume the worst out of fear of rejection. The fact you love talking to people at school is really great. It tells me that you are an outgoing, positive person who anyone would want to be around. Don’t be so hard on yourself, you are amazing! You might want to check out the How to make friends section on here for some ideas/tips.
Admittedly though, making friends is really hard. It is something I struggle with, and if you find that the above is still not working, I just want to assure you that having no friends is okay too. Being our own best friend is super important (I really like the Ways to chill for cheap for some awesome self care activities we can do on our own).
Your number of friends doesn’t define your worth, and there will be so many opportunities to make friends after high school. A couple of my strongest friendships are people I met in uni.
sending love, and hope to speak soon 🫶🏻
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