Managing rumours in high school
Hi everyone,
I feel like i might be experiencing a sort of bullying, through others gossiping and spreading false rumours. Even if it isn't bullying, it still hurts lots. I'm (almost) your average year 9 student, managing the challenges of high school, thankfully with my amazing partner being there to help. In my school, there's been talk going around about how my partner and I have broken up, when we haven't even gotten anywhere close to it. And then before then its also been "get a room" type comments and talk whenever we hug, and it makes both of us feel uncomfortable (knowing thats what certain people are thinking) and also angers us, to the point where its becoming stupidly hard to manage. I've tried talking to a trusted teacher, but once they had missed the email, we eventually decided to just leave it and try solving this with outside help, so as to not make it any worse because teachers are mandatory reporters. So far the only help we've gotten is basically a "suck it up and get over it" solution, which I don't think will work in this case. I do have a counsellor outside of school that I could go to, but i'm not sure how to ask to see them again, with it especially hard due to my parents being to so great. I've seen some potential strats to cope include things like music and working on hobbies but, even though I already do many of them, they don't seem to have an effect on this. It's been going on for, at least to my knowledge, about 6 or 7 months, though knowing the certain people well enough I would assume it's for something more along the lines of 9 or 10 months.
If anyone has any tips, it would be immensely appreciated, and I hope this can help those who watch too.
Edit:
I'm transfem and my parents, although having gone through almost the same thing with one of my brothers, deadname and misgender me. At this point I've just been ignoring them and what they said when they do it. Because of that it's been difficult for me to talk to them and why its going to be extremely hard to get help from my counsellor. For in-school counselling, after what my partner went through, I'm not sure its going to be one of the top courses of action. They seemed to have attempted to push their religion onto them a bit and were a bit oblivious to the seriousness of their situation (which has, and still is, being dealt with but thankfully outside of school).
Thank you everyone for being amazing and helping us out.
Comments
Hey @Elia,
Thank you for sharing what you and your partner have been going through at school this past year. Spreading rumours and gossiping can definitely be a form of bullying and it's really understandable that it's been so hurtful. You did the right and a really brave thing emailing your teacher about this and I'm sorry it seems the email got lost somehow. I can hear you're feeling hesitant to try reaching out again to this teacher, as well as seeking support from your school counsellor, or a service like headspace because of you and your partner's previous negative experiences. It sounds like you don't feel talking to your parents would be helpful either, which makes sense as they have been making transphobic comments. The way people at school and your parents are behaving is not okay. It sounds like neither home or school is a very safe place right now which is really tough and not fair 😞
This is a lot to have to deal with yourselves and you shouldn't have to. I can hear you're not feeling sure about contacting a service like Kids Helpline, but it might be helpful talking to someone 1:1 about this? There is also QLife who might be helpful to connect with about your parents' deadnaming and misgendering you
I just wanted to let you know as well that we'll be sending an email soon so please keep an eye out for that!
Hi Elia,
Thank you for expressing your current challenges and feelings. I am really sorry to hear that people at your school are so mean and causing you trouble.
Similarly, I found year 9 to be the same, people are very immature and rude with no good reason so I can definitely understand what you are going through right now.
It is also really sad to see that your teachers don’t seem to care which I experienced when I was in high school. I would suggest you try to talk to your year level coordinator if you haven’t already, also I know you mentioned that you do have a counsellor outside of school but I was wondering do you have a school counsellor you could go to since it’s a school issue and they might be able to do something about it?
I am really glad to hear you have your partner there to support you, you guys should stick together and you will get through it! 🥰 High School doesn’t last long so it will be over before you even know it 😅
We are here for you so feel free to come back with anything that’s in your mind.
I look forward to hearing back from you, take care and be safe 💜😊
Hi @Mindful_Dreamer ,
I don't think its that my teachers don't care, but that I'm too awkward and nervous and lack a lot of courage, to talk to them. For the teacher I had mentioned, it was the end of the term and they were going away to another country, which I get is a lot, and some things like emails are missed or forgotten about.
And just to clear it up, because I forgot to add it into the original post (edited it in now), I had gone through the email and what it'd say with my partner, and we had decided it was best to remove names from the email to ensure that nothing can be done to them as we were scared the school might punish them for it and we would have to deal with worse.
I'm not really that close to the year level coordinator, at least not nearly enough to talk about this sort of topic, specifically when it's to do with me or my friends.
From what my partner had gone through in school counselling, I don't think it's the best idea to go talk to them as the school is very religious, and I don't consider myself to be of any religion.
Thank you for being there for me. 💜
Hi @Elia 🧡
I am so sorry to hear that you've been experiencing some bullying and hurtful comments/rumours from others. It's extremely unfair and and you are completely valid in feeling uncomfortable and reaching out for support. You definitely shouldn't have to "suck it up and get over it".
I have experienced similar things in high school, and year 9 especially was full of hurtful rumours, losing friends, and feeling confused, so I can really empathise with your situation. For me, I found that it was really a case of quality over quantity regarding my friends, and just trying to ignore anyone who was mean or nasty. Are there any students who you are close with that could offer some support at this time?
I also think it may be helpful to speak to your outside counsellor, if you feel comfortable speaking to your parents about this. It may also help to check out the Bullying section here on ReachOut as it includes more specific resources and tips.
It’s great you have an amazing partner to support you. I’m also sending lots of love and am here if you need to speak more 🫶🏻
Hey @LilacLeopard14,
Thank you.
Unfortunately due to being a shy person before knowing them, I don't get to make very many friends, especially good ones. I only consider two of my many handball "friends" to be actual friends, but we're not really close and I wouldn't know how to bring almost any serious topic up with them.
I'm not very comfortable talking to my parents unfortunately due to semi-recent circumstances. (for detail check the edit in the original post)
💜
Hello @Elia
Sounds like you are having a tricky situation at the moment especially since various forms of methods and strategies have been ineffective or unreliable as of late.
Personally, I have also had considerable amount of times of bullying, as I was very much the weird and eccentric one in school, which typically involved me being picked on by my peers (albeit they changed as everyone got older in the high school)
In any case, this sounds tough, have you talked to any other teachers that you trusted as well? Perhaps another teacher might have a different perspective or may be more receiving of your situation at the moment?
Have you perhaps also reached out to your school counsellor, perhaps that could give you some insight?
I would recommend online platforms like KidsHelpline and/or Headspace which might be able to make use of if getting a counsellor outside is a bit more difficult for you at the moment.
I hope this was of help and I wish you well.
Hi @KaizerBiker
Thank you.
I haven't talked to any other teachers about this. (mainly because I don't have any others I trust enough yet)
School counselling probably isn't going to be the best route in this, after what my partner had gone through during that time. (not that the counsellors were mean or anything, just that they seemed to be oblivious and pushed religion a bit onto my partner)
I'm not 100% sure about going to KidsHelpline and from having used Headspace before, although it's been a few years, it didnt seem to help back then with the craziness of covid outbreaks and my decline in mental health.
💜
