I'm 24 years old, my parents don't support me at all for being a lesbian
I'm 24 years old, my parents don't support me at all for being a lesbian, I want to move out, but in my culture it is frowned upon for a child to move out unless they are married! I've looked everywhere for support and help but I'm just not receiving the proper advice and help that i need. So, I'm 24 years old, female, and I come from a Middle Eastern background (Lebanese). I've known that I've been gay ever since I was 15. I came out to my sister when I was 16 and she told me that It's not right and that it's just a phase. She still thinks that to this day. My main issue is my parents, I feel like they are this huge barrier in my life and it's keeping me away from living it! They are extremely homophobic. Last year, in October, I came out to my mum, and how she reacted did not surprise me! She told me that if she got the news that i died it would have been better for her to hear, and that I'm not her daughter anymore and that she doesn't even want me at her funeral! So she basically kicked me out, however, she only kept me home due to the fear of what my dad would if he found out that i was gone without any notice or clue of what had happened as he was at work when I told my mum. I don't feel the need to tell my dad at all. My mum is easily controlled by my dad, she always sides with him, even if its against me and my sisters. I have a huge soft spot for my mum, as for my dad im just filled with so much anger and hate towards him. I want to move out so bad! i am financially cable to do it, i can afford rent and other necessities! My dad is always in control of what i do, where im going, what time i start work, what time i finish, and why have i finished late, why am i doing this or why am i doing that, or no you should do this, I'm expecting you to finish uni and start your career. Even travelling I'm not allowed to do, travelling is my biggest dream! going out there and seeing the world is my biggest passion in life. This job i am in right now, i am so happy in it and i love it so much, it sometimes requires me to start at 4am or sometimes finish 10pm, he absolutely hates it, he doesnt allow me to make my own choices that i want to make, even if i do i always have that thought in the back of my mind "oh what's my dad going to say?" or "what's he going to do or think about this?". As i have said before, moving out before marriage is something they dont believe in. The love of my life lives in the US, and we've been so inlove with each other for 2 years now! I want to go see her and be with her so bad! but i know that my parents will go absolutely insane if i go travel on my own! I feel like my option is to pack my stuff and move out without them having any clue about it! I have a safe space to go to which is great! I love my mum so much and i can't bear the idea of me hurting her that way, im sacrificing my own life and happiness to please them and keep them happy! which im so tired of doing, its causing me so much heartache and depression, every day i wake there's that aching feeling in my heart that im going to stay stuck here forever!
Comments
Hi @veetee,
I wanted to chime in as I can see you've been going through a lot of heartache with your family and sexuality. I'm sorry you've been put in a situation where you need to choose their approval or following your heart. How are you feeling today after writing this post?
I can hear that you're feeling very trapped in your family situation at the moment. You mentioned that your father controls a lot of your life, that your mum always takes his side and that your sister doesn't believe you. I wanted to say that your sexuality is completely valid and this is a safe space to talk about everything that's going on. It also makes sense that you love your mum despite everything and that you hate your dad for controlling you. It's a really hard situation to be in.
I noticed that you said that your mum nearly kicked you out of home before except that she was worried about what your dad would do, but also that you feel like your own option is to pack up your stuff and move out without them knowing. It's reassuring to know that you make enough money to afford rent and necessities and even have a safe space to go to. I was wondering where this safe space would be for you? Are you worried about what could happen if you made this decision? There are places you can go to for support if you need emergency accommodation since it sounds like you could need to move suddenly if circumstances with your family change. They would be more than happy to help you work things out.
I also wanted to check in around your feelings of heartache and depression. It makes a lot of sense that you feel torn apart by your family and wanting to see the love of your life, and I'm sorry to hear that this feeling sits with you every day. Do you have any supports outside of your family that you can lean on, or anything you've been doing to look after yourself? I saw that you love your job and that it takes up a lot of your time- have you found that this is a good way to cope with what happens at home?
Looking forward to hearing from you 😊
Hi @veetee welcome to the forums, I'm so glad you have found us and hope that you find the community to be a super supportive and accepting place for you. Thank you for sharing with us about all that you're going through, I think it's super brave to open up about the challenges that you're facing with your family at the moment. It sounds like you're feeling very trapped, and finding it incredibly difficult to find acceptance and open-mindedness from your parents. I can imagine right now it feels like an impossible choice. I wanted to just say though, that you're not alone in your experiences, and I can imagine that particularly within the queer community you will find plenty of folks who will resonate with your story.
If you are looking for some options for support, we have some info here, and you can find a list of services compiled here. We also have some info for support for culturally diverse LGBTQ+ folks here. I think the more you talk about it and gather information, advice, and read and listen to the stories of others, the more you will be able to feel empowered to make choices about your own situation and what you think the next steps might be. In particular, having a chat to the folks over at QLife (Phone: 1800 184 527 (3pm–midnight AEST); Online chat (3pm–midnight AEST) could be a valuable way to gain some insight - the service is run by LGBTQ+ folks so you may be able to learn from their lived-experiences.
I can hear that you really love your family, and it is so painful when those we love are unable to accept who we are. Please know that no matter what, you deserve love and to be able to love who you love - none of us can help that, and who you are is wonderful and worth being proud of. I think this thread is an incredible collection of the stories of other queer folks sharing their pride, and might help you to feel less alone, and feel like you can be proud of who you are, no matter what. It's a very warm and fuzzy read!
I don't really know what advice to give. Ur situation sounds horrible and I hope things go well for you. I don't know your mother, but even though she might be angry at first, maybe you'll one day be able to have a good connection with her, even if you do move out and go to your girlfriend. Your parents are wrong for not accepting you and loving you. And I hope they'll see that. Good luck 💜☺️
