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A Friend in Need

Hey, I have a friend that is extremely depressed, and I myself have lost a friend to depression, I don't want this to happen again, so I would love some info on what I should say, do, whatever. She won't speak to anyone because she feels she is a burden, and I am trying my best, but running out of ideas quickly...

Re: A Friend in Need

Hey BeeJay,


It's lovely of you to be trying to help your friend with this. It shows what a supportive, caring person you are. This factsheet has great advice on how to provide your friend with some support. Encouraging your friend to see someone is a good approach. Headspace provides a range of options for young people looking for help with their mental health and well being. You could suggest that you both go together for the first couple of appointments. KHL might be a good option for your friend also. Have you suggested to your friend that they try Reach Out?

And don't forget to look after yourself too. It can take a lot of energy to support someone when they're struggling so make sure you take some time out to look after you too.

Let us know how it goes.

Re: A Friend in Need

Thanks for the Info, yes I have suggested ReachOut but that idea was quickly dismissed, and I know it can take alot, without going into too much detail typing through tears is very difficult...

Re: A Friend in Need

I'm so sorry to hear that BeeJay. It's so hard when we feel powerless to help the people we care about. It can also be really upsetting to hear the same suggestions when you feel like they have failed already. Maybe have a read through the factsheet and see if something jumps out at you. It might have an approach that you haven't tried yet. Hopefully  in the responses you get here, you'll ge some tips about what worked for them.

Re: A Friend in Need

Hey BeeJay 


It is terrible that your friend is going through depression and you are such a good friend to want to help her. It is great that she is speaking to you though and at least she has a friend who cares for her the way you do.


I had a friend who was being abused and she went into a depression and wouldn't talk to anyone but her friends and she did not want any help but all I did was let her know that I was here if she needed me and at the time that is all that I could do. It is really important to know that you cant help someone who doesnt want to be helped and if she does not want any resourses or to speak to anyone there is not a lot you can do. Being there for her like you are and letting her know that you love and care for her and will always be there for her is the best you can do especially if she doesnt want any help. 


Don't give up on her and keep giving her resources and keep encouraging her to speak to someone and maybe one day she might and maybe right now all you can do is be there for her. 


I hope that helps Smiley Happy

**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**

Re: A Friend in Need

Thanks ruenhonx, I am going to be honest here and say I haven't known this girl for long, and it seems to have only been on Mothers day, I don't have the courage to ask her if anything happened to her family, or anything like that. People have always come to me for help, I am not sure what it is but I must have a kind face, or the fact I am always trying my hardest to help out. Anyways, its just great to speak out, I am such a recluse and don't get to speak much on the subject, or get these sorts of things off of my chest.

Re: A Friend in Need

Hi BeeJay,
I'm sorry to hear about your friend. It's admirable you're there for her even though you don't know her very well - and thank you so much for coming to ReachOut and trusting us with your questions!
I think one of the things that's really important for your friend is just to be there for her. Just show her that you are a friend to her, and she will open up more and perhaps trust some of your recommendations on what to do when she's ready. That's one of the funny things about depression and other mental health issues - you can sometimes tend to push people away and think you're not worth the help. Your friend needs time to come to her own conclusions and seek help in her own time.
Good luck, you seem like a very kind-hearted person and I'm sure you can give your friend the support she needs.

Take care,

Re: A Friend in Need

Today she asked me "what should I do, I just feel so down" I suggested speak with her doctor, I spoke with my doctor and told him my symptoms of depression, he gave me medication. But I am not sure, what would be the best method?

Re: A Friend in Need

Hey BeeJay,


Sometimes when someone we care about is struggling and they are resistant to our suggestions, the best thing to do when they then have a turn around and ask our advice, is to just repeat the same suggestions from earlier.


Unfortunately there are no magical solutions and the ones that work tend to be the really simple ones. Talk to someone. Try and take your mind off things. Try and exercise. Try to sleep and eat well. That sort of thing.


You sound like such a caring friend, I'm sure you've suggested a bunch of awesome things already. Maybe just gently repeat those same things. And if you're feeling better as a result of seeing your doctor, sharing that with your friend might really help too.

Re: A Friend in Need

 Hi BeeJay,


You have got some great suggestions so far. I noticed that it is difficult to make suggestions or reccommendations. And it is also difficult for your friend to take these on board and act on them.

By the sounds of it you are doing a wonderful job being a caring friend. Sometimes it helps to ask the person in need if you were coming to them with the same issues or same situation what advice would they give you. This can help them seek or find their own version advice. It will indicate where they may be situated in the "creating an opportunity or solution" to what is going on.

Hope you are looking after yourself too, because this can be mentally and emotionally draining for you too.


LL Smiley Happy