Falling Again TW
I thought I was doing ok, recently I've had more plans to battle against my brain than ever, but I feel like I'm sinking again. The sad feeling of weights have returned under my eyes, and my heart is doing that thing again where it feels like It's constricted. I want to die, the only thing stopping me is my family, it'll ruin them, it's basic human nature, but I know it's only a matter of time before I decide to be selfish and just do it, I'm too weak to survive my entire life. No one will ever love me for me, not when I so deeply hate myself. Stress is killing me, why am I such a freak? I'm terrified of everyone and can't trust them, I just want to go somewhere I can be away from everyone forever, at least then I only have the problem of myself. I'm disgusting.
Comments
Hey @Blurryphaced, it sounds like you are in a really difficult place right now. I can tell that you are in a lot of pain and you are hurting. I acknowledge how hard you have been trying to manage everything, it isn't easy and some days are worse than others. It is okay to have these days. Sometimes things can be overwhelming for us to deal with on our own. Does your family provide support in times where you feel like this? What usually helps when you are feeling so low? If you feel like you are going to harm yourself or someone else, then please contact one of these services. They are really helpful when you feel like you are struggling and need extra support or have nowhere else to turn. I can hear how critical you are being of yourself, although this is a reminder that you are important and you deserve support through this 
One thing that really stands out to me, like @Taylor-RO, is all the self-criticism that's coming through. What would you say if I suggested that it's okay to have these feelings, that they're not selfish, and that you can be kind to yourself?
@Taylor-RO @lokifish thank you for your responses. I prefer to not have support during these times, my mum especially makes it so much worse than it already is. I honestly haven't felt any better today and I have no clue what to do. I don't deserve kindness, from myself or others.
Hi @Blurryphaced I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way, it sounds really tough. Self-care is really important during this time, what ways can you look after yourself today? You deserve kindness, love and support like each of us do. We're here for you
