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Feeling ashamed to be a White Male
I'm a male myself and I have NEVER EVER been sexist or disrespectful or racist to anyone ever. Not now, not EVER!!!! But I feel like what ever I come across in media, it feels like all I hear is "White Males Are Bad". When I watch shows like Charmed and I come across certain scenes where Males are regarded as bad people with being given a chance and it makes me feel uncomfortable. You got shows like the Neighbourhood sitcom that I came across where they cover racism where a black guy gets put in a jail cell for being black which is so NOT fair whatsoever. And the main lead says the police system is working the right way for white guys but not black people or any other culture. And white people will never understand whatsoever the pain other people go through. And they whole policeman beating up a black guy which leads to the black lives matter movement. 😞 I feel like I'm ashamed of all these bad things happening even though I have done NOTHING to do with anything of that bad stuff. But because of the long history I hear of white males doing bad stuff, I feel like I have to be responsible for that or feel as though it's my fault. It may sound silly but I feel like all I hear is White Males are bad and cause problems.
I feel like if I see someone in pain or needs help, I want to be able to help or show support no matter what their colour or background is. We are all still human beings after all and all this dumb bad stuff like racism and sexism shouldn't be around any more. Nor should it have existed in the first place. I hate the fact that bad stuff like this still happens and I feel helpless to see it pop up in media or fiction. I felt ashamed to be a white male so many times and my friend says I shouldn't, all that stuff isn't my fault and I shouldn't take on the responsibility of other people's actions that I don't even know. Focus on my own actions and what I can change. But because all that stuff happens, I feel like I get stuffed into a category where I'm a white male and are automatically the enemy. And no matter how hard I try to help and try to show that not all white males are bad, I feel like I can't make a positive difference. Like I'm powerless to make a positive change so people can see not all white males are bad people, or even white people in general. I want to be able to try and understand what others are going through as well as try to stop bad things from happening.
I'm struggling with mental health so much and I'm trying to get better. It doesn't help to constantly hearing this bad stuff happening all the time. I wish things were equal and everyone is treated fairly. But sometimes I feel like some people would prefer if the shoe was just on the other foot and white males are the ones getting squashed and treated unfairly. Like we should be the ones in pain but I'm not disrespectful or mean to anyone. I'm not like that.
Sorry, I felt like I just needed to vent my concerns that were building up in my head and just getting it out in the open about how I feel and wish people were treated respectfully and with kindness.
Comments
Hi @JeremyThomas this is a really important topic to be talking about and it can be super confronting for people at times so it is normal to have lots of uncomfortable feelings about it. as a female of colour i can confidently say that what people hate is not white men but rather the system underneath that white men are benefitting from the most. it is the systemic injustices that are causing the feelings to surface not so much each individual white male that walks the earth. that being said being a white male you are in a great position to make changes to eradicte these injustices and you dont have to make huge changes and take on all the responsibility yourself but just taking small steps can make a big difference. as @Taylor-RO mentioned a great place to start is learning about things like privilege, race, gender, intersectionality and many other issues. learning about these things is super important to helping the cause.
another thing to remember is that privilege is designed to be invisible to those who have it, this is one of the ways it perpetuates and is so effective if the people who have privilege dont see that they have it they wont do anything to change the situation so it is normal and ok for people to not realise how they may be contributing to these problems but once they do realise it is a great idea to continue to educate themselves.
finally it is also important to remember to take time out from dealing with these issues as it can be exhausting and draining trying to tackle them and systemic change cant be achieved overnight or by one person alone. so be kind to yourself and take time when you need for your own mental health.
@Eden1717 Thank you for you response to my post and it's good to get the prespective from someone who is both of colour and the opposite gender. What you say makes sense and for that, I hate that there's a system that works in favour for some humans more than others due to their background or appearance. It's ridiculous and stupid!! If it were up to me, everyone should be treated equally and given the same oppotunaties. For example, people should be hired for jobs based on their skillset and experience. If someone is more experienced and skilled as a chef than someone else for example then that person would be the ideal candidate to hire. And if that person was trans-gender or a person of colour, then ok. The main point is they can do the job well and that's all that matters.
I will remember to take time out with dealing with these issues like you suggested for my own mental health. That is good advice. Thank you again for taking the time to reply and for your helpfully advice as well as building upon what @Taylor-RO has written down in more detail. I really appreciate and it has given me better prespective on the situation.
Thank you for sharing. It is really difficult to be tarred with the same brush and I can hear that this is having a significant impact on your mental health. There have been a lot of events recently that have highlighted the ongoing racism and prejudice experienced by minority groups worldwide. We all have our own responsibility to understand our privilege (which can cover multiple facets besides skin colour) and cause as little as harm as possible. When you begin to learn more about these issues, it can feel like a crushing weight and it is normal to feel shame but it is important to focus on what you can do about this situation. If you haven't done so already, one thing you can do is to research and understand privilege and systemic issues to help discover how you may accidentally contribute to these issues even if you have all the right intentions. As mentioned before, this is something that we may all unknowingly or knowingly contribute to.
The fact that you are here, making this post and reflecting on situations means that your heart is in the right place. Be gentle with yourself while navigating this situation and remember to try not to take it personally, even when it's confronting. If things feel completely overwhelming, or your mental health does not improve, it is not uncommon for people to seek outside support like talking to a psychologist or a GP. We are here to listen
Thanks for your reply. I have regular therapy session everyweek so I do seek help where I can. I am known for being hard on myself so I will take onboard what you said about being gentle with myself. It is very confronting these issues so that's why it's hard to not take it personally. But I will try to do that more.
I will always try to do the right thing and help people who need it. No matter what colour or gender they are. Thank you for your kind words. 🙂