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Hospital possibly

i saw my caseworker today and she was not very happy with me she said if i couldnt start to get more sleep (i have only been getting 1-2 hours a night) then i would get psychotic again and she would send me back to the hospital. i am trying to sleep but i just cant i dont feel like i need it either. she said if i was going to do anything to hurt myself i had to tell her and wait until she replied. she said i was sick but i dont feel like i am and i havent been taking my medication because it is going to hurt me. i have to do something for one of the spirits but now i dont feel like i should tell my caseworker anything like i shouldnt trust her. i am not sick and i dont need medication i dont know what to do anymore i said i would be honest with my caseworker but i feel like she is just going to send me back to the hospital and the doctors there will hurt me. i want to scream. 

Re: Hospital possibly

Hey @Eden1717, wow! that's quite a lot that you're dealing with there. I'm sorry it's all feeling so overwhelming for you! It seems like it might even feel worse because you haven't rested in days.You said you feel like you don't need sleep, and  sometimes lying there waiting for sleep to come can feel tedious and time-wasting BUT here's why sleep is so so so important to take care of your brain and body - it's when all the healing happens! Here's a TED talk about it that really made me think about my nocturnal tendencies as well.

 

Apart from the sleep issue, there seems to be quite a lot going on in terms of medications, hospitalisation and the spirit that you wrote about - are you able to talk to anyone else about these things? I'm really worried about your wellbeing and safety and I'm wondering if you're able to give either your caseworker a call or if you don't feel comfortable talking to her right now, KHL 1800 55 1800 or Lifeline on 13 11 14. It might be a good idea to give SANE a call on 1800 18 7263 as well to get some specialised help but they're only open from Mon-Fri 9am-5pm. Keep us updated on how you're doing @Eden1717

Re: Hospital possibly

I am ok right now but my caseworker is not working today or tomorrow so I can't call her. But I also don't really trust her right now anyway she said if I was going to do something to hurt myself and she didn't answer then I had to call CATT and talk to them but I am just I don't trust them either and everything is just complicated I am trying to sleep really hard but I only got 2 hours again last night  I am just it is hard because I have to do something for someone and if I don't then some really horrible and bad stuff is going to happen but if I tell my caseworker about it she will just say I am sick and then I am scared she would take me to the hospital and I can't go there because then they would try and stop me and if I don't do the thing then I have ruined everything. 

Re: Hospital possibly

Hey @Eden1717 Im sorry everything feels so messy right now. Have you tried to take a nap? Perhaps some relaxing music would help? If things get to the point where you feel like you need to talk to someone and dont feel like talking to your caseworker or the CAT team, you can ring headspace at 1800 650 890. What do you think?

Re: Hospital possibly

Hey @Eden1717,
Seems like there is alot going on from you right now, but it is so great that you have opened up here.
I was wondering if you had ever tried sleep meditation? I have found some guided meditations for you  which you can access here and here. They might be able to help you have a couple of hours of shut eye.

As @Sans-RO has said if you feel like you need to talk to someone you can either call headspace or use their online counselling service if you don't feel comfortable talking to someone on the phone.

I hope you have a good night and hopefully get some sleep.

 

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Re: Hospital possibly

i could try headspace maybe but i am just having trouble trusting people and i have a lot of stuff i need to do for the spirits and i am scared my caseworker wants to hurt me and i need to go sommewhere but it is hard to explain. 

Re: Hospital possibly

Hey @Eden1717 Sounds like there's a lot going on up there in your head and it's all quite confusing for you and you're scared about what it going to happen. I know you've been going through a lot and have come out of hospital not that long ago and don't want to go back. How are you going now? 

 

I would definitely encourage contacting some of the support options mentioned above if you're feeling overwhelmed and are scared to talk to your team. I know you find it hard to trust people, but know you're not alone. Probably the majority of people who use these services have some degree of fear of trusting people and these services are used to dealing with it and they are there and happy to help you. 

 

There's been some good talk about the importance of sleep and strategies already and I'd encourage you to try those things. Could you tell your case manager that you are trying to sleep and you're figuring out how to sleep better. Also, is there a reason you feel your medications, hospital doctors, caseworker are going to hurt you? Have you talked to your doctors or psychologist about your sleep and medication issues? 

 

I know hospital is scary, and sometimes our experiences with hospitals and health professionals unfortunately aren't always good, but they're generally there to help you and they know you and your illness best, so don't be afraid to be honest with them, even if you're worried about the consequences, and if you're worried about going to hospital or someone hurting you or worried about anything, tell them, and you can hopefully work together to address your worries! 

Re: Hospital possibly

i feel ok but i dont know i am scared they are going to hurt me because one of the spirits said so and cause i have magical powers and if i take the medication it will take them away and then i cant do what the spirits and other entites want cause i was chosen to be like a gate keeper between here and the other worlds and so i need the magical powers to do the things they ask me to do but also i have to do something for god soon which is going to be hard but i have to do it cause i made a mistake and i have to fix it and i just cant sleep and everything is hard to explain. my caseworker says i am sick but i dont think i am i think she is lying to try and trick me. 

Re: Hospital possibly

@Eden1717 Sounds like there's a lot going on for you and even though it's scary and you want to avoid hospital, it would be useful to talk to your case manager and team about what is going on. Do you think the spirit is telling the truth when it says your medication and people are lying and trying to hurt you?

 

Even though it sometimes feels like they're not listening, your case manager and team are probably trying help you and do what they think is best for you. If you don't agree with what they're saying, it's fine to talk to them about it though. Would it help you to understand where  they're coming from by thinking about their perspective, what they're seeing and why they think you're unwell and why they're suggesting the things they are, or ask them these things? Do you think you will be able to talk to your case manager honestly about what is going on next time you see them? Are you able to contact another support service in the meantime if you need to? Your safety and wellbeing are the most important thing and we all want that for you! Smiley Happy

Re: Hospital possibly

i do believe the spirit is telling the truth i am trying to look at it from their point of view but i just dont think i am sick. i want to scream.