How I feel about this online friend of mine (& something else)
I’m kind of upset that this online friend of mine hasn’t responded back to me on discord for days. She does leave me on read sometimes which is what I don’t like about her, but at the same time I want to think that it’s because she’s overwhelmed with something because she too does have her own struggles too. But it’s kinda annoying to know that someone you consider ‘close’ to would leave you on read after you send them a message especially if it’s related to something that’s deemed ‘important’ or ‘interesting’. Idk. I feel like I really want to send her something like “answer me” or even ask her why does she sometimes leave me on read, but I feel that it would be a bit rude and insensitive of me to do that, because I do want to give her like some time with whatever she’s dealing with. I guess this is what happens when someone like myself doesnt have anyone in real life that I can hang out with and talk to on the regular. 😞
also, I tried talking to a counsellor today but things didn’t go well and I decided to end the chat with them in the middle of the session. I have my psychologist I can rely on that I see face to face 😅
Comments
Hi @Blueberries 😊
I can hear your frustration about your friend who hasn’t been responding to your messages and has been leaving you on read. But despite your frustration, it’s heartwarming to see that you’re still thinking about her wellbeing and how she might be going through something that’s why she hasn’t been replying. From my experience, it is often that because sometimes they just don't have the energy to talk with anyone at the moment. Or, could it also be that she thought she replied already when she hasn’t actually yet? I have a friend who’s like that, she comes up with a reply in her head but forgets to type it in. Then she directs her attention somewhere else, thinking that she already sent the message.
It seems like this has happened before so I’m wondering if you have had the chance to communicate this with her? I used to feel like this too until I explained to my friend how it makes me feel and from then on, we started informing each other if we were going to be taking a break and won’t be answering messages. Maybe a gentle and honest conversation about this when she’s back will be good.
Also, I’m sorry that your session with a counsellor didn’t go well, it must have added to your frustrations. But I’m glad that you can rely on your psychologist for support. Also, great job for taking care of yourself and seeking support when you need 😊
All the best! 💙
Hi @Blueberries 💙
It can be an upsetting feeling when others don’t reply to our messages and leave us on read. I personally start to worry if they hate me all of a sudden, or don’t want to talk to me. But as @Marimo-RO mentioned, it’s so great that you understand that people can be busy and have their own stuff going on. I am also probably guilty of forgetting to reply to messages! But I never want the other person to feel bad. Maybe your friend is going through something like you say.
Have you thought about sending a message explaining your feelings? Even though it’s understandable to feel frustrated, I think an “answer me” message might seem a bit forceful. You could try explaining how being left on read makes you feel, while also empathising that you understand they might be going through something of their own. Check the 6 steps to help tackle difficult conversations page here on ReachOut. I really love the “use I statements instead of you” tip to not come across as attacking.
A lot of times when I am upset with a friend, or they are upset about me, neither of us actually knows what’s going on. A clear, honest conversation can really help understand each others side ☺️
good luck 🫶🏻
Hi @Blueberries,
Welcome back to the ReachOut Youth Community! Thank you for sharing your experiences with online friendships and what has been happening for you with counselling. It can be understandably frustrating when we're left on read but it's heartwarming to see that you're doing your best to consider your friend's side of the story as well.
It's also tough to hear that your counselling session didn't go well. It sounds like your psychologist is a reliable source of support for you which is great to see.
I'm wondering what you feel able to do tonight to look after yourself after what was an upsetting experience with your online friend?
